To not attend DF's wedding to OW?

[mothtoaflame]

Huge backstory which I won't go in to unless absolutely necessary but...if your 65 year old Dad decided to marry the OW, despite having made your disapproval of the relationship quite clear, would you attend the wedding?

Age gap relationship with soon to be 'trophy wife', siblings and my inheritance unprotected. Everyone else on board except me. Don't know what to do....

As a pragmatist I'd say you will certainly have said goodbye to your inheritance if you don't go, but that your father's solicitor will no doubt point him in the direction of sense if he makes a new will at some time in the future. Put a brave face on and go, your father has behaved terribly so it is quite OK to go to his wedding with hate in your heart provided no one could guess from your demeanour.

Depends where you see relationship with your DF going from here, and how your non-attendance would affect your family dynamics with any sibblings that you have, and if you have DC their relationship with your DF. I would probably attend, keeping a reasonable distance, and have in a dignified manner, but not fawning over DF or OW. Families are so difficult, but better to try to keep the peace IMHO. The inheritance situation is irrelevant, you have no rights over it.

and my inheritance unprotected

Not your inheritance though is it? It's your 65 year-old Dad's money to do with as he wishes.

Ask yourself if you would ever be OK with your Dad marrying again?

You are not necessarily being unreasonable to not go to the wedding but you are being unreasonable to be expecting your (relatively young) Dad to never marry again just to protect your "inheritance".

I think op we knew more of a back story I think that will help the responses better.

You’re an adult. Your father is an adult. What he did wasn’t nice. But you can’t make people do things the way you want them to.

If I wanted a relationship with my father in your situation I would be a grown up and realise that this person he is with makes him happy and that is what is important

If you don’t care about your fathers happiness then don’t go. But don’t have a relationship with him either.

And FYI: it’s not “your” inheritance it’s your fathers money

Absolutely not.
Unfortunately you can never rely
on an inheritance, they may need it for care or decide to spend it or leave it all to charity.
I can't stand my Dad's partner , she wasn't the OW but I only see them when unavoidable.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

I didn’t go to my father’s wedding to the OW. She was one of my mother’s best friends, he was seeing her while my mum was having chemotherapy, literally, and then married her 6 months after she died.
I also didn’t speak to my Dad for about 10 years after that.

I wouldn't go.

Are you sure inheritance isn't protected? My dad said he would only marry after signing a pre num and then also changed his will after to ensure if he dies it will come to his children and stepchildren. He doesn't have much but he doesn't want us to miss out.

I think that prompted it was they updated their wills before marriage was on the cards. He ensured his children and step children will get equal shares in the event of his death. She ensured it will only be her children and not her step children (which is her right). But for my dad it showed him the difference in their family values and priorities.

I don't think I could go.

I went to a family members second marriage to the OW last year, and spent it mentally rolling my eyes, especially at the bit where he promised to "be faithful" - just like he promised his ex wife - and looked around at the other attendees, wondering "who actually believes this bullshit".

Depends. One parent has passed the other is still alive and here.

Ultimately he is an adult as are you. He can do as he wishes in his life as can you. Our parents are flawed human beings, it’s hard to come to terms with that as a child.

If you love him and wish to have some form of a relationship, I would attend, but maybe with a compromise. Go to the ceremony and skip the party (and drinking?). But only if you can go through it emotionally and mentally.

If you can’t or don’t wish to? Then don’t. But be prepared that this may cause a bigger rift. Make this choice knowing that.

It’s a deeply personal choice and has huge ramifications for you personally. My overall advice is to perhaps to a counsellor to work through this as opposed to asking a bunch of strangers on the internet who will not have to live with whichever decision is made here.

my inheritance unprotected

You might not get anything if you don’t go as inheritance seems very important to you. Not showing up could get you disowned.

Absolutely hell no. Slightly diff situation in my case as my parents were already divorced but my Dad is now married to my mother's former best friend. Dad was an abusive arsehole to my mum and so called fried knew this and sympathised all the while shagging him.

This happened 15 years ago, I haven't spoken to her since, I didn't invite her to my wedding and not a cat in hell's chance will I ever be giving her the time of day.

How often if at all do you see your DF now?
I'm sorry for the loss of your mum. I would guess how she was still feeling about your DF at that time will be weighing heavily on your mind. How do you think she would be likely to feel three more years on? If she was generally a forgiving person could you go feeling you were embodying the best of her?

I have to add I do understand your feelings as I am in the same position as you (with my DM dying and my DF remarrying) except my DF didn't cheat on my DM but my new StepM cheated on her ex so there was some drama when they got together. I didn't much like my StepM at the point that they married and I am aware that I am unlikely to see an inheritance. But honestly for your own sake you need to forget about inheritances and who did what to whom because you will end up feeling very bitter if you don't and that will only be bad for you. Although that's all easier said than done, it's certainly a very emotional journey.

So was she actually the OW? Sorry if I have missed that bit.

I do think you are BU if you want any sort of relationship with your dad but only you can know if you are ok with that or not. I feel like you have made up your mind anyway.

He should protect his assets so not everything would be left to her. Not that you are entitled to inheritance but because its the right thing to do

Mmmmmm, I think that you should attend to protect your inheritance. You not attending will probably have more impact on you than them. You don't have to enjoy it, just go and spend the time with the people you like.

@Sugarplumfairy65
But it’s also not the new wife’s inheritance.
I think you are out of order for your language btw.
My stepmother completely fleeced my father. Some of that money he had inherited from his parents. Do you think my grandparents would have been happy about that?

Yabu to bring "your inheritance" into it.

It's not your inheritance, while he's alive it's his money to do with as he sees fit.
There'll be plenty of time for you and your begging bowl later.

He's 65. This is young folks!!! This is not an old man. He can remarry if he likes, good for him.

I'm 49 and my DH is 67. He is in better health than me.

Inheritance doesn't exist, you have care homes and tax first. His wife will get it all, quite rightly and she will deal with above you should be pleased for him (and you) unless he owns an estate worth millions.

Nope I wouldnt and didn't. And I actually get on very well with my step mum.

I think you need to grow up OP.

Firstly this isn't your inheritance, it's you fathers money and while he is alive he can do what he likes with it and also, doesn't have to leave you anything. You're assuming he will.

Secondly I'm sorry for what he did to your mum and that she has passed away, but life carries on. If he wants to marry then that's his decision. Either go and support him or don't go but be prepared to have no further contact as if I were him, I'd see it as quite a nasty thing to do.

I would not go.