To not attend DF's wedding to OW?

[mothtoaflame]

Huge backstory which I won't go in to unless absolutely necessary but...if your 65 year old Dad decided to marry the OW, despite having made your disapproval of the relationship quite clear, would you attend the wedding?

Age gap relationship with soon to be 'trophy wife', siblings and my inheritance unprotected. Everyone else on board except me. Don't know what to do....

I don't know OP that's tough.

How has your relationship been with your dad since the initial fall out? Have you spoken with, seen, got on with the OW at all since this happened?

If you've appeared to have 'moved on' in the meantime it may now seem out of the blue that you're refusing to go to the wedding.

If it's been clear for the past 5 years that you've no time for this relationship then it shouldn't be a shock to your father that you decide not to go.

I would struggle with this too
you say everyone else is on board who is everyone? siblings? if so that is more difficult but you can feel however you want to about it.

I can see why it would be hard.

But it can't hurt your mum as she's not here (and sorry for your loss). If you can't do it that's understandable but you will have to kiss goodbye to any relationship with your dad. That probably means no inheritance and THAT means not only the lack of money but the second emotional punch in the stomach when it actually happens and you are disinherited.

Do what is in YOUR best interests but protect your future self as well as your current self.

Horrible situation to be in, OP. I wouldn't go.

I would go and I would throw rice.

I wouldn't take it out of the tin, though.

Seriously, I wouldn't go - they could stick my inheritance up their arses if they had done that to my mother.

I would go if you want a reasonable relationship with your DF going forward.

I'm sorry to hear about your DM's passing away.

Your parents split up 5 years ago. People move on.

I wouldn't go

I didn't attend my DF's wedding to OW out of respect to my DM as it wasn't long after it had all happened. It was a small ceremony and none of my siblings went. So I do not think you would be unreasonable not to go and he would be unreasonable to expect you to. Difficult if your siblings are going but even if that had been the case in my situation I still wouldn't have gone.

I would probably just make up a plausible excuse.

Sorry I've just seen your DM has sadly passed away. I'm so sorry. Although I wasn't in that situation, if I try to imagine it then I still don't think I could have gone out of respect for her. If your DF doesn't understand that and will disinherit you for not attending his wedding then I would definitely not want to go or really have anything to do with him and would not want any of his money either.

if your 65 year old Dad decided to marry the OW, despite having made your disapproval of the relationship quite clear, would you attend the wedding?

I wouldn't expect my disapproval to make a jot of difference. I think if my dad had decided to have an affair and remarry, he wouldn't really have taken any notice of advice not to. Under the circumstances you describe I don't think I could go. It would bring up all sorts of feelings about my mother and I'd struggle with it. So I think I would sit down with my dad and explain why, but possibly for the sake of my relationship with him, I'd send a card and wish him well on the day.

With regard to the inheritance I'd give up all thought of that. I would hate it if this meant my mum's share went to the OW and/ or her children as this would seem unjust. However, I wouldn't want that to tear me apart.

I can see why it’s hard and I don’t know what I’d do in that situation. Whatever you choose, you will feel disloyal to one parent or another. And you will feel upset and guilty.

I think it all depends on the relationship with your DF and whether you want it to continue. YANBU to not want to go but if you do want your dad in your life, you'll have to go and suck it up.

If he cheated on your mother with her then no, I wouldn't go. It wasn't just her he was deceiving, it was his whole family.

No one ever knows what goes on in others' lives and a relationship break up is never, ever as black and white as "he had an OW".

You feel the need to defend your mum's memory but unless you have other reasons not to, can't you be pleased for your Dad's happiness?

Unfortunately, no-one is entitled to an inheritance. If that's your main concern, refusing to attend the wedding will almost certainly guarantee you dont get it.

It’s not ‘your’ inheritance, it’s his money to do with as he wishes

Age gap relationship with soon to be 'trophy wife', siblings and my inheritance unprotected.

Why do your siblings need to be protected? Are they quite young?

No, absolutely not. If my Dad had ever cheated on my Mum, then I wouldn't ever have met her either. As it happens, I struggled with my Dad's second wedding five years after my Mum's death and my Stepmum is a lovely human. An OW would not figure.

I wouldn’t go. So sorry OP, what a horrible situation to be in.

I personally wouldn't go in these circumstances, especially if my DM had been badly hurt in the process (regardless of whether she was still alive or not). I also wouldn't base my decision on any inheritance. It will either go on his care home fees or the younger trophy wife will probably spend it.

Sorry for the loss of your DM OP

Look at it another way, how would you feel if your DF passed judgement on your relationship and cut you off?
It’s 5 years, people move on, you really don’t know what your future holds.
Again anger directed to the woman but yet you’ll discuss with your DF, he’s the one at fault not the woman.

Nah. Protect yourself. Don’t go. Send a message saying ‘I hope you both find happiness’ which to my mind is perfectly civil if slightly ambiguously worded! And you go out for the day and have a glass of champagne to your mum. Fuck em. You don’t owe them anything.

The fact he is not protecting his existing children financially shows that he isn’t really looking in to the future.

I’ve been in a family fall out when a father passed away with no will and his new wife inherited everything including their old family home which had generations of family money in it. She then sold it and shared the money out between her children and bought a little flat for herself.

It really is important not to fuck over your kids when you marry your next spouse. It causes untold upset, bitterness and confusion that doesn’t disappear over night,

OP have you actually sat down with him and discussed the future?

Did he cheat on your mum whilst she was alive?

I wouldn't be able to sit there without a face looking like thunder combined with a cat's bum. So probably better to stay away.

I hate to sound so mercenary, but the only reason I'd force myself to go would be to protect any inheritance. But it sounds as if your dad isn't taking any steps to protect you and your siblings.

You say your sibs are going. Have they forgiven him or are they just doing what is expedient?

What sort of relationship do you want to have with your DF going forwards?

The OW won't disappear. But I can see why you're conflicted.

Sorry about your Mum.