‘Tricked’ by vegan sausages

[Rhubarbpeony]

I had a friend round for dinner last night. It was a last minute plan (she lives in another city and only told me on the day that she was free that evening) so I didn’t make anything fancy. I had in the fridge a packet of Richmond vegan sausages and some potatoes, which I turned into olive oil mash. I’ve been vegan for about ten years - longer than the entire time I have known this friend. We have cooked for each other many times in the past.

As we were finishing eating, my husband got home from a late work event and saw that we had had the sausages. It’s not a brand we have tried before and they’re much cheaper than the kind we usually get, so he asked if they had been nice. I said they were good, and I’d happily have them again.

Friend gets a really odd look on her face and then says to me ‘you didn’t tell me these were vegan sausages.’ I said no, I assumed she would know that anything I cooked or ate would be vegan. She said I was wrong to assume, and that I had tricked her. She said it would be like me coming to dinner at her house and being tricked into eating a meat sausage.

AIBU or are these two things not the same?! For one thing, I definitely don’t feel like I tricked her - she saw me cook the sausages, and if she had asked anything about them I would have told her what was in them. For another, her diet doesn’t preclude her from eating vegan items, but mine does preclude me from eating meat, so IMO it’s a lot worse to give a vegan a meat sausage than it is to give a non-vegan a vegan sausage.

(for info: the sausages don’t contain any soy, and she doesn’t have any food allergies)

I thought this was about the fact vegetarian sausages are being discontinued and replaced all over the shop by vegan sausages .

Vegetarian food isn’t the same as vegan food. Vegan food is so bland. All the big supermarkets have replaced our Sunday roast delicious veggie sausages with vegan ones (they’re also twice the price).

@TerrorWig in essence then, you would have said no thank you to the sausages in the first instance? Because obviously you would have asked to see the packaging to make sure it didn’t include any of the stuff you can’t or won’t eat? Or would you assume a vegan had cooked and eaten meat sausages to keep you happy? blush

Actually, I dont' really like sausages, and a friend would have known that. But no I wouldn't have eaten the sausages. Because a) I don't like them and b) I do have dietary restrictions and most supermarket sausages are made with crap. I would never expect a vegan friend of mine (a what?) to provide meat just for me. Thought I made that clear in my original message.

Not read all the replies, but your friend is being utterly bonkers!
I'm not vegan, but I eat a lot of vegan food with DH being one.
Those Richmond sausages are goooood, aren't they?
They look like the real thing and taste like it too so I can totally see why she felt "tricked."
Some people get totally triggered when they hear the V word, kind of like kids do when they realise they've inadvertently eaten a vegetable or "yuck, vegan food, not eating it!"
Sounds like she's one of them lol.
I could understand more, if you'd said you were serving meat sausages and then didn't to prove a point, but sounds like the daft mare just took the hump "because, eww, vegan"

So she’s effectively saying that she doesnt believe in eating vegan ?

That's absolutely fine - plenty of people don't. I don't. I think it's a well-meaning but largely misguided fad and I know several ex vegans who have already given up on it.

That said, I do think we should all eat more ethically, more locally, more seasonally, eat less processed junk and less meat and be much more responsible about the meat and dairy we eat, in terms of quantity, welfare and provenence.

@PersephoneandHades If she wanted to choose to not eat vegan food then she should have stated that clearly before accepting the dinner invitation, not expected the OP to read her mind.

It's the norm for people to discuss the food beforehand isnt' it? If it's just an off the cuff invitation, then I'd expect both parties to make sure they'd be satisfied. A good host would want to ensure they're guest is happy and if you as the guest, like to eat, you make sure your host is cooking something acceptable to you. Regardless of what is being cooked vegan/veggie or meat.

That said, I do think we should all eat more ethically, more locally, more seasonally, eat less processed junk and less meat and be much more responsible about the meat and dairy we eat, in terms of quantity, welfare and provenence.

This with bells on.

Very bad manners by your friend. You cooked her a meal and she criticised it? That is so not on.
Well you won't bother next time will you?
It'll be a packet of peanuts if she's lucky.

@If1knewiwouldnotbehere OP was not wrong to not cook meat in her own home just because her friend doesn't like fake meat. If that's the case, don't expect your friends to cook for you. Why should someone disregard their moral beliefs for a friend that has never even specified that they don't eat fake meat? Why on Earth would you assume that a vegan would cook meat for you?

The entitlement of that comment is astounding.

Vegan food is just a subset of an omnivorous diet.

Okay, I am not generally known for my stupidity but you are really going to have to explain that one to me.

Okay, I am not generally known for my stupidity but you are really going to have to explain that one to me.

I think they just meant that an omnivorous diet includes all vegan foods, rather than excluding them, whereas a vegan diet excludes anything that isn’t plants.

@If1knewiwouldnotbehere I don't really understand your point? If I had offered to cook food for someone and they accepted I would expect them to tell me if they didn't eat a certain food, I wouldn't assume responsibility for that discussion myself unless they were just an acquaintance.

And if I was vegan and my friend accepted a dinner invite, I would certainly expect them to not pressure me into cooking animals for them.

Oh yes, see what you mean. Thanks.

I'm wary of vegan versions of non-vegan things, things that are naturally vegan are fine. Partly because I find that they don't taste like I expect, particularly sweet things that should contain cream or condensed milk (I had a vegan millionaires shortbread about 8 years ago, the disappointment is still raw). Mainly because I suspect that it will contain soy in some form, particularly if it's vegan 'meat' and that would be intensely painful for me for at least 3 or 4 hours afterwards. I can't even use skincare products with soy oil in them. However, if you were my friend I would firstly double check what I was eating because I wouldn't expect to eat meat in a vegan's home and secondly you would already know that I have a soy allergy. She is being a bit of a drama llama considering she's known you for ages.

What this thread has taught me, usefully, is that not everyone knows what various versions of soy can be listed as on the ingredients so I should ask to read the label to check for allergens.

I have to admit, I dont always understand the ethics. There seems to be a stance against cosmetic companies who seek to China on the basis that everything sold in China is tested on animals but we're happy to buy vegetables from companies who also sell steak

I think that many a vegan has to buy things from places who don't follow their ethics. How many companies/shops are there that only ever use vegan suppliers and methods? I know of one (in Brighton) Even green grocers and health food shops often have a fridge for dairy products.

Does anybody else know of any purely vegan shops?

Exactly Eckhart, we do the best we can for whatever ethical stance we take. I don't see how we can avoid supporting companies that also sell animal products.

I think it's very unfair to 'trick' anyone into eating something without making it clear what they are eating - regardless of whether it's meat or not. That includes serving something that looks like A but is really B

I take it you'd prefer to be served a pig, some rice or wheat and some herbs instead of a sausage then?

Does she have any health or ideological reasons for avoiding vegan products?

If not then, no, it's not remotely the same as her feeding you meat.

I think that many a vegan has to buy things from places who don't follow their ethics.

Like 'vegan' shower gel in plastic, non refillable bottles. Meanwhile, unenlightened, neanderthal non-vegan me is still using my old-school bar of soap in a tiny recycleable cardboard box.....

Those Richmond sausages are amazing - I suspect she was miffed that she couldn't tell the difference. Other than that her response is a bit odd. Vegan food is just food after all and I am sure she eats vegetables..

Ridiculous. She knows you are vegan. Therefore the sausages must have been vegan otherwise you wouldn't have been eating them.
I have no idea why she thinks you tricked her.

If she has no food allergies then she's being absolutely ridiculous. I think when you are invited to a meal at someone's house you eat what is put in front of you unless you do have an allergy/intolerance or some other good reason for not eating something - eg. vegan/vegetarian/no pork for religious reasons etc.

People have become very weird and fussy about food. She's being weird - a couple of vegan sausages, whatever they are made from, are not going to kill her (as she has no allergies/contraindications).
I wouldn't be cooking for her ever again.

@PersephoneandHades OP was not wrong to not cook meat in her own home just because her friend doesn't like fake meat.

F*ck me. Who said she should? I'm at work so could have said something stupid. but I find it hard to believe that I said that.

OP can cook whatever she wants in her house. Fake meat included. However, if she were being accommodating and wanted to cook meat she could do that as well.

@PersephoneandHades What's wrong with feeding someone anyone a vegan meal, that is just not vegan, not fake meat. What's wrong with informing someone that you are serving fake meat. And on the other side why expect someone would serve real meat in their vegan home?

Not sure why you have chosen to take offence to any of what I've said. But I'm sure you're about to enlighten me.

Those Richmond sausages are amazing - I suspect she was miffed that she couldn't tell the difference.

Fuck knows what sausages she's been eating then, if that's true which I highly doubt but I think was the underlying point of the thread, to explain how they are cheaper than other well known brands and SO GOOD that meat eaters can't tell the difference.

I might have to try some now, just to see whether there is actually the tiniest chance that this may really have happened.

I bet that if she'd known they were vegan sausages before she ate them she wouldn't have enjoyed them.

I'm fully vegetarian now but for some years I occasionally ate meat so I would cook both veggie and meat dishes. My DH would happily eat whatever dish I made using a veggie substitute, but if he knew beforehand that I was using a veggie substitute he wouldn't want to eat it. For some reason my DH really dislikes the idea of veggie/vegan "meat" products.

@GinAndNightnurse I think that’s great, but if the environment is an important consideration for you I feel compelled to tell you that the single biggest difference a person can make to their environmental footprint (after having no / one fewer child(ren)) is not eating meat and dairy.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take other steps like minimising plastic usage etc, but we should also be aware of the reality of the situation. Half of all ocean plastic comes from discarded fishing equipment. So giving up fish is much better from an environmental perspective than giving up plastic shower gel bottles.

I know I’m sounding preachy, and I know that going vegetarian or vegan doesn’t suit everyone and isn’t always possible. People have to decide what’s best for them, and I think it’s great that people do what they can, because lots of small changes do add up. But we shouldn’t confuse small changes with big changes - we should all be as informed as we can be.