‘Tricked’ by vegan sausages

[Rhubarbpeony]

I had a friend round for dinner last night. It was a last minute plan (she lives in another city and only told me on the day that she was free that evening) so I didn’t make anything fancy. I had in the fridge a packet of Richmond vegan sausages and some potatoes, which I turned into olive oil mash. I’ve been vegan for about ten years - longer than the entire time I have known this friend. We have cooked for each other many times in the past.

As we were finishing eating, my husband got home from a late work event and saw that we had had the sausages. It’s not a brand we have tried before and they’re much cheaper than the kind we usually get, so he asked if they had been nice. I said they were good, and I’d happily have them again.

Friend gets a really odd look on her face and then says to me ‘you didn’t tell me these were vegan sausages.’ I said no, I assumed she would know that anything I cooked or ate would be vegan. She said I was wrong to assume, and that I had tricked her. She said it would be like me coming to dinner at her house and being tricked into eating a meat sausage.

AIBU or are these two things not the same?! For one thing, I definitely don’t feel like I tricked her - she saw me cook the sausages, and if she had asked anything about them I would have told her what was in them. For another, her diet doesn’t preclude her from eating vegan items, but mine does preclude me from eating meat, so IMO it’s a lot worse to give a vegan a meat sausage than it is to give a non-vegan a vegan sausage.

(for info: the sausages don’t contain any soy, and she doesn’t have any food allergies)

I had a friend who reacted similarly when she found out she'd eaten meat-free burgers. She stopped speaking to me altogether because of my crime. She was always very vocal about how much she liked meat, and how veggie food was awful, which made me think it was embarrassment at eating something 'awful' and enjoying it.

How strange given that she knows you well. I have a number of vegetarian/ vegan friends and so make sure I offer a few alternatives and make sure I know what I have put in things (like the veggie soup stock etc). I wouldn't expect them to serve me meat ever.

As long as there’s nothing in it that could harm her then she’s being weird.
My DD is allergic to Quorn and it upsets my tummy a bit too so I wouldn’t be happy if someone gave us that without telling us. Having said that as you are vegan I would have assumed no meat so would have checked

Ah, she just feels weird because she enjoyed a vegan meal and is transferring the weird blame onto you. She'll get over it once she's had a steak, I'm sure.

She's an utter fruitcake! (Not that an actual carnivore could eat fruitcake of course. Unlike your bog standard omnivore).

Some omnivores are REALLY weird about 'vegetarian food'.

I suspect the experience has thrown her assumptions out of kilter and she experienced a moment of cognitive dissonance, because previously, she knew that vegan food was horrible and weird and that she could only eat and enjoy meat - so would never have to face the fact she has choices about what to eat.

Blimey. Wait until she finds out the potatoes were vegan too ...

strange if she couldn't explain what the problem is. I do avoid processed food, especially a lot of the new vegan and gluten free products as so many have methylcellulose and other synthetic fillers and emulsifiers in them which affects gut bacteria but the odd meal here and there would be fine and I'm always grateful is someone offers to cook for me.

You ‘tricked’ her because she assumed they were meat and enjoyed them. If she’d known they were vegan, she would have hated them and then been able to make a comment about them not being as good as ‘the real thing’ and how nobody could mistake them for meat sausages 😀

(I like the Richmond sausages. They’re not dry like some vegan sausages, and they have a really good texture.)

She sounds like an utter dick.

Just remembered, we are vegetarian not vegan, however my MiL would always make a point of bringing her own milk to our house every time she visited, as she didn't like that vegetarian milk.

I think the operative words there are "make a point" of being awkward, just like your friend. Please tell her the potatoes were vegan too and report back .....!

I think it's very unfair to 'trick' anyone into eating something without making it clear what they are eating - regardless of whether it's meat or not. That includes serving something that looks like A but is really B.

However, it's just plain stupid to assume a long term vegan friend is serving anything other than vegan food unless they specifically say they are.

She's being weird. Although I am AMAZED that she couldn't tell the difference when eating them. Ive never once not been able to tell the difference between something that actually ^was meat or dairy and something that was mimicking meat or dairy.

She is very odd. If she was vegan and you gave her meat sausage that a different thing entirely, but considering you are vegan what the heck was she expecting? (I'm vegan too and need to try these sausages!)

I think it's very unfair to 'trick' anyone into eating something without making it clear what they are eating - regardless of whether it's meat or not. That includes serving something that looks like A but is really B

We are talking sausages though.

I mean highly processed foods like sausages either vege vegan or meat , you can't really be sure what you are eating anyway.

Besides which, Ricmond make pork sausages. In fact that is all they are known for. Why on earth would a company known solely for pork products go into the vegan 'sausage' market? And more to the point, why would a vegan buy them, given they are made by a company whose core business is meat? Seems like a complete conflict of interests to me.

That’s ridiculous.
It’s not the same as she doesn’t not eat veg or whatever is in them.
I get them for my ds who’s vegan . I am surprised she didn’t notice though as they are different to normal sausages

I'm not sure your friend really understands what veganism is.

YANBU! You ate them too, she knows you're vegan. Also, for what it's worth, those Richmond ones are amazing - my VERY carnivorous husband loves them. She's being the weird one. Giving you meat would be completely different.

@GinAndNightnurse is this a serious question ?? Money obviously..

I think sometimes people feel like vegans are trying to manipulate them into eating their food. I'm not saying it's right, just saying that it's what I've observed. When I was vegetarian people were the same around me.

Also I find the argument that 'For another, her diet doesn’t preclude her from eating vegan items, but mine does preclude me from eating meat, so IMO it’s a lot worse to give a vegan a meat sausage than it is to give a non-vegan a vegan sausage.' to be rather weak. Both are choices. You are not 'precluded' from eating meat, you choose not to. It's a lifestyle choice. Just as eating meat is a lifestyle choice. You can 'choose' not to eat meat, and she can 'choose' not to eat vegan products.

So she knows you well enough to know you are vegan.
And you were eating them with her.

SO, logic says..... she's odd.

Presumably you offered her dinner I keeping with her dietary requirements, and that's what she got.

Her argument would only make sense if you'd specifically offered her meat.

Why on earth is she causing a fuss over this? Have you fallen out? If she's taking it seriously, I'd consider this a red flag.

Regardless of the exclusions I mentioned - I think she is just being awkward about veggie food ( for my family I did chilli with veggie mince - no stock cube please note, yuck - frying onions, garlic, capsicum, fresh chilly cumin coriander & lots of sliced mushrooms first to give good flavour & thyme afterwards - family demolished it with lots of happy surprise that it was veggie - not vegan mince though, who makes nice vegan mince?)

Is there a name for 'the diet that precludes eating vegan products'? I've never heard of it.

Do such people eat fruit and vegetables in any form?

Do they eat processed foods that contain meat?

What is their specific objection to 'vegan foods' and how do they define these?

It’s really not the same. But equally I try to avoid these kinds of products. I wouldn’t make a fuss of it obviously but it’d gross me out a little.