Moving away but MIL applying pressure

[duckfacetwo]

So looking to leave London, usual story want more space, less pollution, etc. Currently we live near both my parents & inlaws. My parents are looking to downsize & are likely to move near us as my brother moved to the area last yr. However MIL who is fairly involved with my dc is starting to panic (her only gc & doesn't drive) she is saying we are deserting her as she is alone, the gc will see my family all the time, etc. I feel guilty but not sure what to say to her. She's now starting to say she will "give" us money to stay (she has a few properties) & whilst it's a nice gesture I feel like it's a carrot or would have too many conditions as she can be a little controlling & would just rather move. We are talking 2 hours in car so not thousands of miles away but she currently sees the gc 1-2 a week which won't happen once we move.

No one can live their life in a bubble forever, be that yourselves or DGM. Things change and evolve all the time as is the way of life. London is no longer meeting your family needs and it needs to change to support your own family development. Yes, I'm sure she's not very happy about it but without sounding callous, where will she, and your family be in 20yrs from now? You can't put your future life on hold because of one person's wants vs the benefit of several others.

@ScarlettBlaize that is defo a concern as the vast majority of my friends are also children of immigrants & I notice the lack of diversity when we leave London & I like the blend of cultures. Plus I don't know any different. Having said that the area we are in now was very mixed but is progressively getting less so due to house prices. I am white, DH has some mixed heritage but just looks European.

Op you must do what's best for your family, you must feel terrible but at the end of the day you only live once dont let families way you down do what's best for you and your children even if it upsets families. We decided to move an hour away from our very controlling family and it caused absolute hell for us initially but we stood our ground even though my parents tried to manipulate the DC in to pressuring us think oh you wont see your grandparents again or your house is horrible like a prison, theres no children to play with etc tell mummy you hate her and want to stay. We had absolute hell but we stood our ground , we had dc attack us physically and verbally but I'm pleased to say we warned grandparents if they didn't stop it and try to help DC transition etc they wouldn't be getting contact as it was viewed in my eyes as abusive. Were years down the line and DC love there home and school. Grandparents got put on a leash and also learned to show respect to us as parents

2 hours in the car isn't much.
I think OP said the Mil didn't drive so it would probably take longer door to door in public transport.
I can understand how your Mil feels if she sees the children regularly. She will be feeling very sad. That doesn't mean you shouldn't move though. Of

You should just try and be understanding. Tell her she can visit regularly and will be able to see the children for longer lengths of time. Also that the children will phone and skype.
I did similar 30+years ago my mother in law was very angry and couldn't say anything positive about the move until she visited. She loved where we moved to and looked forward to each trip.
Just give her time, don't change your plans though, you have to do what is right for your children.

I moved out of London 15 years ago and to hear my parents talk about it you'd think I'd moved to Aberdeen rather than just outside the M25!

I swear they have a map with everything outside Zone 5 marked with "there be dragons" and "abandon hope all ye who enter"

I cannot believe people are suggesting a woman in her 70s buy a car and learn to drive!
I agree, some people have no idea. I'm in my 60s and don't have the confidence to learn to drive, even if I did it would take a very long time and even then I wouldn't be confident to drive 2 hours away on my own.
The car is a non issue though. Train or coach travel is fine with taxis either end. It is possible to travel without driving, I do it all thd time!

Slightly different as I do not have grandchildren yet, but I am in my mid-sixties, do not have a car, and my nearest child is 2 1/2 hours away. One is 2 continents away. I have a senior railcard and travel to see them. Unless she has serious health problems, she could do the same. Any reason she would suddenly need to depend on her son more? People do not necessarily become incapable of normal functioning just because they are grandparents

You have do whats right for your family. Had that with my mam trying control our lives. It wont work!

Depending on the precise location, Kent/Sussex borders are not far from London. Many people commute into central London from there to work. However really nice areas in both are extremely pricey and the cheaper areas are not somewhere you'd choose to live.