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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Break up - work tomorrow

97 replies

Ninjabambi9876 · 08/03/2020 17:07

So my Long term boyfriend (same one I have spoken about before) broke up with me today, travelled down to tell me he cared for me but didn’t love me, that he had know for 2 years (we have been together for nearly 5) and that we didn’t work together and were too different. I am heartbroken, I have work tomorrow and don’t know what to do, I know it sounds pathetic but I am so confused and hurt.

OP posts:
Ruby8719 · 08/03/2020 17:09

Call in sick - if you’re heartbroken you won’t be able to concentrate and you will have mental stress. Hope you’re ok as can be!

You deserve some time to heal and take everything in.

MrsL2016 · 08/03/2020 17:10

I once had a colleague come to work just after a break up and she was in bits and had to be sent home. If you think you can't manage it then don't go. Look after yourself.

TheQueens · 08/03/2020 17:11

Oh I'm so sorry, sounds like it was a big shock Flowers I personally would try and have a day or 2 off to try and pull myself together if you think you it may effect your work. Maybe come up with some coping mechanisms for when you are at work? Don't be too hard on yourself!

MzHz · 08/03/2020 17:19

I’d go to work to take my mind off things and be with work friends

It’s about how you feel and how well you can soldier on until it becomes more second nature

Osirus · 08/03/2020 17:22

I had two days off when this happened to me.

Original poster
Ninjabambi9876 · 08/03/2020 17:23

I’m a teacher so don’t know if I could, just don’t know how to cope. He told me he hasn’t loved me for 2 years

OP posts:
GrimDamnFanjo · 08/03/2020 17:24

What a cruel thing to do. I reckon you may go down with d&v...

EveryonesaCritic · 08/03/2020 17:29

OP, only you can decide what is best for you tomorrow. Will you be able to compartmentalise what has happened and use work as a distraction? That’s what I often do but I know not everyone can.

user14366425683113 · 08/03/2020 17:30

Gosh that's hard, I'm sorry.

Clutching at straws a bit, but if he cares enough to tell you in person rather than sending a thoughtless text message maybe he said that about the two years to try and avoid giving you false hope of reconciling? Without realising how much it would hurt you?

I don't think you sound pathetic.

Original poster
Ninjabambi9876 · 08/03/2020 17:33

He blamed me for a lot and blamed himself he said he knew after the first year but thought it could work. We had been talking about marriage and we had been intimate after he stated he knew for definite. I don’t know if I can cope, I just feel so betrayed

OP posts:
Cyllie33 · 08/03/2020 17:34

You poor thing. You don’t sound pathetic in the slightest. You’re in shock and hurt and upset, you need to look after yourself. Be very kind to yourself this evening and see how you feel tomorrow. It may help to have a distraction but if you really can’t face it then take a day or two sick if you can. Take care Flowers

ThisSistineWontScreamAtItself · 08/03/2020 17:37

You don't sound pathetic at all.

You poor thing, it feels like you've been punched in the gut doesn't it?

Take a day off, or two if you need it.

I'm usually one for going in unless I feel like I'm going to keel over, and a shock like you've had does make you feel like that.

Hope you're ok Thanks

nosleepp · 08/03/2020 17:39

Bless you, do you think you could cope with going in tomorrow? x

Likethebattle · 08/03/2020 17:44

He hasn’t loved you for two years but stayed with you?i think you had a lucky escape with this one. It will be hard for a while but you are worth better than him. Have a nice long bath, early night, cry if you need to and looks after yourself. List the things you won’t miss about him and take a day off if you need it.

Merryoldgoat · 08/03/2020 17:50

You don’t sound pathetic - he sounds like an arsehole.

I went to work after my last bad breakup because I knew it would distract me.

Not everyone is the same - do what you need to so to get through this.

HollaHolla · 08/03/2020 17:52

That sounds awful, and really hard. I’m sorry that you’re feeling so heartbroken.
Tbh, when this happened to me (fiancé of almost 7 years), I went to work. I had a quiet word with the boss, just to keep him in the loop in case I looked like I’d been howling (I probably had), but it was absolutely the best thing for me to do. Keeping busy and distracted stopped me moping and obsessing about the last conversation, etc. I did need a couple days off to sort out legal and property matters, but him knowing the context made a difference, and it was no problem to get the time off.

Only you can know if you can do it. But for me, it was absolutely the best thing to keep busy.

VettiyaIruken · 08/03/2020 17:55

What an absolute twat. How dare he waste two years of your life!
I'm really sorry he's behaved so badly.

crimsonlake · 08/03/2020 17:57

You poor thing and what a shock.
To recover will take time...do what you feel tomorrow, but I would be inclined to go to work rather than wallowing at home and dwelling on things.

katy1213 · 08/03/2020 18:03

No, much better to pick yourself up, put on the best face you can manage and keep yourself busy. Moping won't help. It sounds like he tried his best to let you down gently and in time - even if you can't see it now - you will see that it was better not to drag things out longer.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/03/2020 18:06

He’s the pathetic one. Not you. Fgs stringing you along because he couldn’t make up his mind. It sounds as if he thinks he did the honourable thing by coming in person to break up with you. Tbh I see no difference than doing it over the phone. I’d have preferred it actually as you can end the call. As for saying what he did about his feelings, he has been very cruel. I’m not surprised you’re incredibly hurt. Flowers

Twinkled · 08/03/2020 18:09

What an immature selfish man . Thanklfully her broke it off now as this would happen sooner orlayer. So sorry for your heartbreak- he is not worth your time. Do take a few days off work and be kind to yourself. Watch a film , eat chocolate and stay cosy. You deserve so much more than him . You will meet others that are far better for you .Give yourself time x

butterpuffed · 08/03/2020 18:12

He knew after the first year ? What a nasty bastard , wasting four years of your life. Flowers

Bluetrews25 · 08/03/2020 18:15

I'd be in the work through to distract group, but teaching is very 'performance' so that might be difficult for you if you are not a natural actor.
Hope the day when you feel better comes along very soon.
Flowers

FishingPaws · 08/03/2020 18:18

That's cold of him!

Maybe I'm being cynical, but I wonder if he's found a new girlfriend...because this sounds suspiciously like 'I've been using you for sex and no-longer need you'. You'll hurt, but you'll heal OP, then you'll do a whole lot better than your now ex.

ilovemyrednosedaymug · 08/03/2020 18:19

I would take a couple of days off if you are not mentally fit to teach. You won't see it now, but you will be better off without someone who can lie to you so easily.