Page 4 | Break up - work tomorrow

Ninjabambi9876 · 2020-03-08T17:07:53+00:00

So my Long term boyfriend (same one I have spoken about before) broke up with me today, travelled down to tell me he cared for me but didn’t love me, that he had know for 2 years (we have been together for nearly 5) and that we didn’t work together and were too different. I am heartbroken, I have work tomorrow and don’t know what to do, I know it sounds pathetic but I am so confused and hurt.

damnthatanxiety · 08/03/2020 21:31

I'm going to be controversial for MN and say that he was good to come and see you face to face. It is better that he broke off with you now rather than marry you and then realise it was wrong. He possibly said the 2 year thing to make sure you knew this wasn't some sudden decision that you could talk him out of. People are not bad for falling out of love. Unless he's been Cheating which there is no indication of, I think he's been pretty decent.

OtherVoicesOtherRooms · 09/03/2020 04:21

All those saying call in sick, how would you feel if your surgery was cancelled because the surgeon was dumped etc? It’s sad but you’re not sick!

You think surgeons don't have lives outside of their job?
Depends on the person but if a surgeon or anyone else needs to take leave after a relationship breakdown, they should.
Not everyone is a f'ing machine.

As for surgeries being cancelled. Rubbish example really. Surgeries get cancelled every day for TOTALLY avoidable reasons. - lack of beds for one.
The surgeon going through a personal crisis is a pretty good reason to cancel all things considered.

OtherVoicesOtherRooms · 09/03/2020 04:23

It’s sad but you’re not sick!
Don't you know anything about MH?

eaglejulesk · 09/03/2020 04:56

IanHislopForPm · 09/03/2020 05:01

@Indella you would never know that the surgeon had been dumped also, surgeries get cancelled everyday for more mundane reasons beds, no equipment etc, I have worked with surgeons who have been unwell and cancelled lists in the morning, one actually did have a 'personal reason' and frankly I wouldn't want to operated on by someone who was 100% focused on me. I work in theatres and you have to be in the zone. Mistakes cost lives and yes it's stressful for the patient but it's safer not to go ahead.

Also the op isn't a surgeon she's a teacher so your point is a bit pointless

Honeybee85 · 09/03/2020 05:06

I have called in sick and stayed home years ago after a very painful breakup. Didn’t want to be seen crying by collegues and wasn’t ready yet to tell them it was over.

During another breakup I did go to work and told my boss after he asked me how my weekend was.
He said: let’s have a talk in private and really cheered me up. He was such a lovely guy: he said that I shouldn’t worry because if it was real love he would come back and if not that was his loss.

I think it really depends on your coworkers and how comfortable you feel with them (or not).

ThisSistineWontScreamAtItself · 09/03/2020 07:29

All those saying call in sick, how would you feel if your surgery was cancelled because the surgeon was dumped etc? It’s sad but you’re not sick!

OH isn't a surgeon though is she?

If she was a surgeon then yes the threshold for people telling her to stay home would likely be higher.

She's a teacher, an incredibly important job but one where two days off doesn't mean people will miss something they've been waiting for for months to reduce pain / heal broken bones / get a triple bypass.

It's not logical to apply the same principle to something so vastly different.

Likethebattle · 09/03/2020 08:31

All those saying call in sick, how would you feel if your surgery was cancelled because the surgeon was dumped etc? It’s sad but you’re not sick!

The OP is not a surgeon though so what’s your point? I would prefer my surgeon to be on top form and have to push surgery back if needed. A broken heart is hard to carry and I know when I was heartbroken I really couldn’t cope with work especially as the ex would be there.

Original poster

NinjaBambi9876 · 09/03/2020 16:52

So I went in to work, felt absolutely awful. I didn’t tell anyone at work as I’m still relatively new there but ended up getting hit after a child threw something at me and now I just feel 100x worse. I’m just so upset and now ex’s mum has messaged me and I can’t bring myself to open it. Ex was being genuine about the not loving me for two years apparently he had confided in friends and now I look back at messages from then o should have seen it. I hate that I still love him and that I was still trying to be what I thought he wanted me to be whilst he was breaking up with me.

OP posts:

mrsdede · 09/03/2020 17:00

I hope you went to work op. You'll feel better sticking to your normality. Don't let him mess up your life any further by phoning in sick. And do not spend a day crying in bed over him fgs!

Original poster

Ninjabambi9876 · 09/03/2020 17:03

So I went in to work, felt absolutely awful. I didn’t tell anyone at work as I’m still relatively new there but ended up getting hit after a child threw something at me and now I just feel 100x worse. I’m just so upset and now ex’s mum has messaged me and I can’t bring myself to open it. Ex was being genuine about the not loving me for two years apparently he had confided in friends and now I look back at messages from then o should have seen it. I hate that I still love him and that I was still trying to be what I thought he wanted me to be whilst he was breaking up with me.

OP posts:

Doggodogington · 09/03/2020 17:07

I would rather wait for surgery rather of a surgeon whose mind is on something else.

Doggodogington · 09/03/2020 17:07

*than have

MzHz · 09/03/2020 17:10

Well done on getting through day 1!

Day 2 will be easier.

You will have bad days, and worse days, but you will also have not so bad days and alright days and eventually you will have a good day.

It’s best for you that the relationship has ended, nobody deserves to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love them. It’s literally soul destroying

Massive hug for you! You did a good thing today.

Now... glass of wine and then open the text if you can, or get a mate round to read it. I’m sure it won’t be awful, she’s probably sending you her love and kind thoughts

I think it took a lot of guts for your bf to come and face you, as hard as it was, he still did it and didn’t take the easy way out.

TheYearOfTheDog · 09/03/2020 17:10

Hope u feel better soon. You are in shock and grieving.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 09/03/2020 17:22

*Well done on getting through day 1!

Day 2 will be easier.

You will have bad days, and worse days, but you will also have not so bad days and alright days and eventually you will have a good day.*

This. It will get better! It really will.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/03/2020 17:51

Good on you for getting through the day. It will get easier.

As far as his mum, I would delete the text unread and block her. She's part of the past and you need to look forward now.

Nothing she's said will make you feel any better anyway nor will it change anything.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 09/03/2020 19:19

As far as his mum, I would delete the text unread

Do this, please.
It is something that can't be of any help to you, and most likely to hurt you.

Taking affirmative action always feels better.

Spied · 09/03/2020 19:29

I would always be wondering what the mum has messaged if I didn't open it.
You want to be in the position of moving forward not wondering about the past and what's been left unsaid that this woman feels she needs to say.
Maybe that's just me but I'd feel better knowing.
As for ringing in sick - what advice would you give your best friend? Do that.

Cissyandflora · 10/03/2020 16:27

I hope today was better for you. And that each subsequent day gets easier still.

hurtingheart19 · 11/03/2020 21:20

some days will be easier than others. One day you might find you feel ok only to feel really crappy the next. yet some days you can feel like the world is ending and wake up feeling so much better.
you will be ok. you will get through. get out keep busy (my house has never been so organised) try and focus on being the best version of you, for you.
Hope you are feeling a little better

Littlebookwormiam · 11/03/2020 21:28

My sister took a couple of days off work after her breakup. She explained to her work who told her to take some personal time.