Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Break up - work tomorrow

97 replies

Ninjabambi9876 · 08/03/2020 17:07

So my Long term boyfriend (same one I have spoken about before) broke up with me today, travelled down to tell me he cared for me but didn’t love me, that he had know for 2 years (we have been together for nearly 5) and that we didn’t work together and were too different. I am heartbroken, I have work tomorrow and don’t know what to do, I know it sounds pathetic but I am so confused and hurt.

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 08/03/2020 19:13

Broken hearts heal

But it’s so so so shit
And you will also be feeling really low self esteem wise

Maybe give yourself a day but I am a strong advocate of getting back on the horse xxx

I am sorry , sending chocolates and wine your way

suggestionsplease1 · 08/03/2020 19:19

Depends entirely on you. For me it helped to go in and actually not tell colleagues for a few days. I could focus on doing my job in a place where I knew I was liked and valued - it was important for my sense of self at the time when everything else seemed to be slipping away from me.

But I am not hugely emotionally expressive and I knew I would be able to hold myself together. If you feel it would be too hard give yourself a break and take some time. It's your mental health and a valid reason to not be in work.

Ginfordinner · 08/03/2020 19:19

I'm so sorry Flowers

VenusTiger · 08/03/2020 19:20

If it's the rawness of it that's making you feel you won't be able to cope tomorrow then do take time off, otherwise, I wouldn't want to be alone to overthink the whys etc. best keep your mind busy and go in as one or two days might not be enough anyway. Perhaps make some arrangements with close friends and family for a few evenings.

hollieberrie · 08/03/2020 19:21

When similar happened to me i felt i had to take time off as i just couldn't function professionally - i was crying all the time etc. But i think it does depend what kind of person you are. If in doubt i'd take a few days off. Do you have a friend / a family member you can see tomorrow instead?

So sorry for you OP, it really does hurt so much. Fuck him, you are awesome, he is a dick. Cut all contact - delete and block, you will heal more quickly without knowing anything further about him and what he is up to.

Indella · 08/03/2020 19:24

All those saying call in sick, how would you feel if your surgery was cancelled because the surgeon was dumped etc? It’s sad but you’re not sick!

user14366425683113 · 08/03/2020 19:28

The op isn't a surgeon.

MagnoliaJustice · 08/03/2020 19:30

God, what a bastard. Fancy telling you he'd known for TWO YEARS! I would pull a sickie tomorrow, cry, rage, get it all out. You are worth better than him, you know that.

FishingPaws · 08/03/2020 19:31

how would you feel if your surgery was cancelled because the surgeon was dumped etc?

If the alternative was my surgeon's attention not being fully on my surgery...relieved!

Bringringbring12 · 08/03/2020 19:32

What will you do if you don’t go in to work?
Genuine question.

Think about it, navel gaze, watch the clock ticking.

No.... I’d haul arse, shower, head to work, head down and do best I can.
Before arriving, I would email line manager to explain that serious emotional upheaval over the weekend. You will work to the best best of your absolute but please excuse if not on top form.

scotnurse · 08/03/2020 19:36

The exact same situation has happened to me around 10 days ago with my partner after being together for 5 years. The feelings of betrayal and rejection were just so overwhelming and still hurt now. I took a couple days off work saying I had D&V so I could at least be composed at work when I returned without bursting into tears every hour.

Itwasntme1 · 08/03/2020 19:40

Teaching is tough when you aren’t 100%. You need a few days.

Ring in the morning, say you have a vomiting bug. Tell them you need a day or two.

It will be okay - but you need some time.

mumtomaxwell · 08/03/2020 19:45

I’m a teacher too OP. I went through something similar and couldn’t even talk through the grief... I stayed under my duvet for 48 hrs.

Do what works for you. No decision til the morning.

Sometimes in the past when feeling poorly I’ve set cover style lessons so that kids could get on and I didn’t have to perform. My thinking was I could send it in as cover if I decided I couldn’t go in to work.

YANBU - it has been said before that a break up is a type of bereavement.

TheYearOfTheDog · 08/03/2020 19:56

That is awful, you need a day just to get 1% used to the idea.

Diarrhoea and vomiting, second that.

okiedokieme · 08/03/2020 19:56

It's horrible but life does go on. I went to work the morning after my 20 year marriage broke down, it's actually better to keep to your routine

Itwasntme1 · 08/03/2020 20:00

I think everyone is different. Because one person can go to work, doesn’t mean the next person is built exactly the same.

This isn’t a competition in stoicism. OP if you feel you aren’t up to teach a class in the morning, then it is perfectly ok to call in sick under the circumstances.

Mummyshark2019 · 08/03/2020 20:00

No don't go in. You need to take a few days off to get your head around this and to feel a bit better.

leghairdontcare · 08/03/2020 20:03

What does d&v mean?

You must teach secondary.

Take a day or two if you need it. I once took a day off because a friend had been dumped and she wanted company. People are expected to work for nearly 50 years, don't feel bad about a day off.

musicposy · 08/03/2020 20:05

I’m a teacher and when my long term boyfriend of 4 years dumped me I was on my final teaching practice, so no way I could not go in. I really didn’t want to - I was a sobbing mess.

But teaching is an acting job as I’m sure you know and I found the fact I had to fake being ok was actually really helpful. You might find it gives you a bit of headspace.

It’ll take you a long time and you’re going to be heartbroken for a while. I think it took me probably two years to properly get over it. But one day you’re going to be grateful this bloke dumped you, I absolutely promise. It was cruel to say he hadn’t loved you for two years (and probably not even true - they always come out with shite like this) and you don’t need that in your life.

Here’s to a brighter future Flowers

OtherVoicesOtherRooms · 08/03/2020 20:12

This isn’t a competition in stoicism.

This

bumblenbean · 08/03/2020 20:33

In my early 20s my then bf broke up with me on a Sunday night. After a sleepless night with him on the sofa and me crying in bed I hauled myself into work only to break down at my desk. It was embarrassing and I felt a bit pathetic but there was no way I could focus on work and my lovely boss sent me home.

I guess if someone was completely depending on you or someone had to give up their day off to cover it might be different, but otherwise I’d say definitely take the day off if you need it.

AcrossthePond55 · 08/03/2020 20:33

I was unceremoniously dumped by a guy that I worked with and had to see every day. Calling in wasn't an option for me as I didn't want coworkers to think it meant that much to me. And what would the point have been anyway since I'd just have to see him the next day?

All you can do is gather all your inner resources and strength and talk yourself through the day. Run an 'internal dialogue' all day long, reminding yourself that you can do this. Keep as busy as you can with tasks that involve concentrating. As a teacher that won't be hard, your class can keep you as busy as you like, I'm sure.

I also used a lot of visualization. As I walked to the entrance I pictured myself setting down a valise with my heartache in it and I told myself "It will be right there, I'll pick it up when the day is through". When the day was over I visualized myself picking it up. And I'll admit there were more than a few days where I cried all the way home (luckily in my own car!).

I also made a list of all this guys 'bad points' and carried it with me. I pulled it out and looked at it whenever I felt the tears or the weakening. The guy who just broke up with you has bad point, too. Write them down, even if it's only 'slurped his soup' or 'wore those ugly shoes'. At this point they don't have to be major character flaws. You're just looking for things to focus on.

Do 'just 10 minutes'. If you find yourself wanting to leave, keep telling yourself 'just 10 minutes more, I can do this for just 10 minutes more". Once those 10 minutes pass, tell yourself "I did 10 minutes, I can do 10 more". Keep telling yourself until the day is done.

You can do this, you really can.

Notimeforaname · 08/03/2020 21:17

I'm sorry for what happened OP.

I will echo what many others have said, call in,say you had a meal out somewhere and now have d&v.... Or if you feel you need a few days off go to the doctor they can sign you off for a couple of days.

I hope you feel better soon.
This too shall pass.
Take care. Flowers

Vanhi · 08/03/2020 21:20

All those saying call in sick, how would you feel if your surgery was cancelled because the surgeon was dumped etc? It’s sad but you’re not sick!

I'd rather they didn't operate on me than that they did so when distracted by grief. And besides, the OP is a teacher. If things keep going the way they are schools will have a very extended Easter holiday as it is. A day or two for her to gather her thoughts is OK, if that's what she needs.

Olawisk · 08/03/2020 21:31

I went through heartbreak about 6 months ago.
I took a couple days off. I also read that paracetamol can help. I took them for 4 days straight and I honestly think they helped. I cried so much at points I couldn’t even catch a breath until I read that online.

A new study has found that a simple dose of paracetamol could help ease the pain of a broken heart. Neuroscientists from the University of California discovered that emotional pain is processed in the same area of the brain as physical pain, suggesting painkillers could be used to dull feelings following a break-up.