To think that’s it, I may kiss goodbye to any professional development

[Burgersandfries]

Will try to keep it short. I’m in my very late 30s. Had a successful career before moving to Uk a few years ago but unfortunately my experience and university degree meant nothing here, it was quite a niche specialism, so I started again from an entry level position here while my old job offered me a managerial role but back in my country. As tempting as the offer was, I prioritised family here over job there, so here I stayed to build my little family. Fast forward a couple of years and I’m about to finish my maternity leave and go back to work when childcare fell through. Without going into much detail, our most reasonable solution is for me to give up work.
And I’m in absolute pieces. I’m not a housewife type, I enjoy work, enjoy pressure, deadlines, finding solutions etc etc etc I was so looking forward to going back to work. I wanted to go back to that tiny career progression I’d made before maternity and hopefully pick up from there and build up to something more exciting. Even though it was an entry level, it was still within my specialism and there was potential for professional progression there sooner or later. And now even that is taken from me. By the time I can more or less commit to full time job, I’ll be in my 40s and who ever builds a successful, fulfilling career at that age? Let’s be honest, noone.

My husband does not seem to understand why I’m so upset, after all I don’t have to bear the dread of daily commute and job frustrations. And I don’t know how to explain to him that while I love our children and ready to effectively sacrifice my career for them, I still have the right to be upset about not going back to work! Or am I overthinking this? Have I still got some hope that I can professionally develop after 40? Start all over again for the 3rd time?
I’m not really sure what my AIBU is, probably AIBU to think that my professional life is over?

I think its worth considering the impact of giving up work OP.
Not enough pension contributions if you become ill in your 60s is a pretty grim prospect.
I retired early on health grounds( serious injury) and Im so glad I kept contributing to my pension.
I was surrounded by women at work, half retiring at 55 (Special classes) or 60 and the other half who gave up work for 5, 10 years to SAH who are now facing working until their late 60s minimum.
To say they are bitter is an understatement as many have elderly parents and health issues.
I really wouldnt want to think about not having enough pension contributions at 68 ...

Interesting these people saying you can retrain late and work until 70. My DH and I took the opposite view. As I said above our childcare was more than my salary. We are aiming to be retired by 60 (we will then contract in interesting place until 65) with very large pension pots- that wouldn't have been possible if I hadn't worked at the level that I was able to do through not taking a break. So worth trying to work that aspect out as well

This. Pension and retirement wasn’t something I considered when I took a career break.

Now i’m at an age where my peers are retiring now or in the next few years. Not only am i 5 years of pension contributions behind, having to go back on a lower pay scale and work my way back up adds another 5-10 years of working.

I want to retire at an age where i have my health, and enough pension to travel and live in relative ease. I don’t want to work until 75 then not be able to enjoy retirement.

If you weren’t with your DH the government would step in and assist you with childcare payments, they aren’t yours alone to bear. This needs to be seen as a family bill.

So the additional money you eilll bring in will cover your childcare meaning you’re no worse off as a family but you’re maintaining your income when costs go down and ensuring you’re able to up it longer term?

I couldn't have been a SAHM. I went back part time and we've have had a lean few years. Things got easier once the older child got some free hours. Come January we'll have one in school and 1 getting free hours and we'll finally be a lot more comfortable financially. It's been so worth it, I've retained my career and sanity and will soon be looking to increase my hours again.
Dobt give up work, explore every possible option to make it work. Can you go part time and he do 4 longer days so that you reduce the days you need childcare?

Have you accounted for childcare care vouchers, and 15 hours early years funding for 3 years olds too OP? There’s 30 hours at some point too I think, that came in after my youngest started school so I dont know the details.