Woman in gym class telling me to move (and racist?)

[ReeRi20]

Two Saturdays ago I tried a Zumba class that I don’t usually go to at my gym. I went again last Saturday. There is a woman who I have found a bit strange and it’s now making me anxious about going tomorrow.

I went in and picked a spot to stand in, as you do... Shirley came over (not sure what her real name is) and started saying to another woman in the class (let’s call her Nisha) indicating towards me “Nisha this looks like your daughter!” and repeated it. Nisha just laughed. I’ve seen Nisha in other classes and don’t think she looks anything like me. We are both brown, possible the only two non-whites in the class.

When the instructor came in she approached me as I was new to her class. Shirley then said to the instructor “It’s Nisha’s daughter!” I said no I’m not her daughter. Shirley repeated “She is shes Nisha’s daughter”. Instructor then said something about having met Nisha’s other daughter. I said no I’m really not... Instructor didn’t know what to say and at some point went to sort music.

I then noticed Shirley was still hovering v close to me and she went on to say how this is where she usually stands so she can see. At one point touching me as if you actually push / place me further away. I said yes I like to be near the front too so I can see how especially as I haven’t been in this class before. She went on (can’t remember what she said) and then said “so shall we just swap places?” I said “can’t I just stay here?” She said yes of course you can... She kept touching me a lot. It was weird. She was sweaty and ive never met her.

One of the other women, who I know from other classes, commented on her being known to be a bit difficult sometimes and said I was right not to move.

Last weekend I went again, stood in a similar place. She was standing right next to me and then told me “you’ll have to move over there as I always stand here”. She wouldn’t move so I ended up moving across and back a bit during the class probably getting in others’ way.

No I’m nervous about going to the class tomorrow. I really enjoyed it and have booked on but how do I deal with this woman if she just stands next to me and doesn’t move. I consider myself somewhat assertive but I also suffer anxiety and have been feeling anxious about this all day.

I get that people gravitate towards certain spaces. I do too. But if someone got there first I wouldn’t dream of trying to move them. If I just stand somewhere else I’d probably be in someone’s preferred spot so why not hers?

I also think the strange comparison of me to the other brown person in the class was weird and possible racist but not sure if I’m being insensitive.

Eurgh some people are so rude. She probably doesn’t have many friends OP.

Re the daughter thing, yes she is picking on you for the colour of your skin, using it to make a joke about you and it isn’t funny. I would call that racist. It’s also cruel and shows you what this woman is like. I would move to other side of the room and try to enjoy the exercise class as much as possible

There was a woman in my Zumba class who did this to me. It must be a thing! She was pretending to be joke-y about it but was deadly serious that I was in 'her' place.

I also had a woman come up to me and ask me to move as she wanted to stand where I was as she was new. I told her I wanted to stay where I was and she was very puffy about it.

People are just bloody odd.

There is nothing worse than the new person who can't do the routines and wants to be at the front of the class to SEE! PITAs. Get yourself at the back and watch the people in front of you .

I would assume she was not NT and just find a new space. Tbh.

@Movinghouseatlast don't you see how contradictory your post is ?

You wanted someone else's space BUT then you want to defend your space from a newcomer ?

I agree she sounds racist and rude.

However I would just move elsewhere, I am sure there is plenty of space in the room and it's really not worth the anxiety.

TheStuffedPenguin yes there is something worse...space Nazis. It's an open class. People stand where they want. Don't like it? Get there early and stop moaning.

I got dirty looks and a woman asked if they were "holding me up from leaving" when I stayed for pilates after my usual body pump class the other day - cheeky bitch! I'd obviously stolen someone's space....oops. I moved my mat a couple of inches to the side but basically stayed where I was

This is not the typical behaviour of someone who is NT. It's a nightmare sorting the genuinely rude from the genuinely struggling.

So much angst and drama. I’d go to another spot just to avoid standing anywhere near her and just focus on the class and not on what other people are doing. You’re not there to make friends - it’s just a one hour exercise slot. And I don’t think she’s being racist, just someone who likes to be the centre of attention and thinks she’s being funny.

I once had a colleague who was a genius at "accidentally" kicking people painfully without being caught out. Some people actually thought she was clumsy and stayed their distance. It was hilarious.

I rejoined the gym in December and have been amazed at the batshitery tbh.
In just the last week in classes I’ve seen
• the late coming couple in BODYPUMP trying to squeeze Both of themselves between two people who were already close enough (and actively doing the class so ducking out the way of their bars).

• The dangerously uncoordinated combat woman - kicking left etc when everyone else going right and causing pile ups in the process

• numerous variations of the space invader who stands far too close for comfort.

And on and on... people in classes are invariably mad.

Stand your ground! I hate this at gyms. I had the whole "my friend likes to use that spin bike" not today she doesn't 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't think you are wrong to have a problem with her, but I would just avoid her and try and forget about it.

Stand your ground, obviously, but weirdly timed, inappropriate questions and comments, and needing ‘her’ space could be indicators that she’s autistic.

I agree that the comment is racist, but she may just be saying it without a deeper understanding of this.

Have you thought about speaking to the instructor? They may be able to shake up the class/structure a little.

There is always a place hogger in classes. Annoyingly they always seem to come in 30 seconds before the class starts or they stand on the side chatting until the first track starts. Next time just say no. She will need to get there early next time

@damnthatanxiety yeah she's attempted it but I've told her to stop whenever she's tried it. She picked up my friends stuff once and said 'oh you can have the equipment, I just want this space' and I told her no and she reluctantly backed off.

She's a pain in the arse anyway though, she has very very long hair that she only puts in a pony tail and because of the movement of the class she ends up whipping people. It's a lovely group apart from her, she just seems totally oblivious that everyone sees what she's like.

I always feel like people are standing far too close to me in these classes.

Her comment about you being mother and daughter (or daughter and mother!) was a bit clumsy if the other woman wasn't old enough to be your mother! She's probably upset as well.

Of course its racist. If someone said I looked like the only other white person, I'd be like 🙄. Just stand where you want. If she asks you to move just say, no thanks I'm happy here.

Yeah I might just stand at the other side today but it depends where there is space for me to stand too. I do like to be near the front to see the instructor and I do prefer to be at the front to see the instructor properly.

I don’t want to upset her. Like I say, I imagine she will come over and talk to me even if I stand somewhere else, because she’ll know it’s because of her. Having said that I thought last time that I might be better on the opposite side to her so I can get out easily at the end (I got to another class immediately after in the next studio)

Obviously I was joking about going to my MP to those who have no sense of humour... I‘m not that much do a drama llama

I had a couple of run ins with a territorial woman at my Zumba class. I moved to the other side of the class and that’s my spot now. I don’t own it... but I get there five minutes earlier than anyone else to make sure I get it.

If this woman makes you uncomfortable then I would speak to gym management and say “there’s a woman who’s harassing me and I’d like her to stop, can you help?” It might be worth starting with the Zumba instructor although mine didn’t do anything except say “ladies please” when the woman who I find difficult had a go at someone (not me).

Stand your ground, OP. If she asks you to move, either pretend you didn’t hear or smile briefly, say No, and look away from her. People like this only try it on with people they think won’t stand up for themselves.

I had someone try to push me out of my place at Tai Chi. She pushed in right beside me, trying to edge me out and make me step back into the line behind me. I studiously ignored her and flung my arms about enthusiastically - until she did a melodramatic sigh and found somewhere where there was actually space for her to stand.

Yes she is racist. Actually appallngly so. Report the racism to the management

Also she sounds weird and unhinged. Passive aggressive

So I stood at the other side today and another woman stood right next to me. I mean she was close enough that I trod on her foot once and she hit me once when flailing her arms about but didn’t get she needed to move. I said something like “We’re going to keep hitting each other so close together” but she didn’t seem to hear. Then I noticed she had something in her ear. Was she deaf? I honestly don’t know.

I actually just walked out early because it was doing my head in. It was supposed to finish at 11 but I left at about 10:40 and have yoga at 11 so ive come to sit with the yoga ladies.

I might complain to the gym as there are only two classes I do a week. It’s hard enough to get booked on as theyre so busy and then there’s hassle when you get there.

But then they’re not going to do anything. I’ve been feeling a bit down the last couple of days and a bit of exercise helps usually but this is just annoying me. I’m not usually a whimp by the way.