Woman in gym class telling me to move (and racist?)

[ReeRi20]

Two Saturdays ago I tried a Zumba class that I don’t usually go to at my gym. I went again last Saturday. There is a woman who I have found a bit strange and it’s now making me anxious about going tomorrow.

I went in and picked a spot to stand in, as you do... Shirley came over (not sure what her real name is) and started saying to another woman in the class (let’s call her Nisha) indicating towards me “Nisha this looks like your daughter!” and repeated it. Nisha just laughed. I’ve seen Nisha in other classes and don’t think she looks anything like me. We are both brown, possible the only two non-whites in the class.

When the instructor came in she approached me as I was new to her class. Shirley then said to the instructor “It’s Nisha’s daughter!” I said no I’m not her daughter. Shirley repeated “She is shes Nisha’s daughter”. Instructor then said something about having met Nisha’s other daughter. I said no I’m really not... Instructor didn’t know what to say and at some point went to sort music.

I then noticed Shirley was still hovering v close to me and she went on to say how this is where she usually stands so she can see. At one point touching me as if you actually push / place me further away. I said yes I like to be near the front too so I can see how especially as I haven’t been in this class before. She went on (can’t remember what she said) and then said “so shall we just swap places?” I said “can’t I just stay here?” She said yes of course you can... She kept touching me a lot. It was weird. She was sweaty and ive never met her.

One of the other women, who I know from other classes, commented on her being known to be a bit difficult sometimes and said I was right not to move.

Last weekend I went again, stood in a similar place. She was standing right next to me and then told me “you’ll have to move over there as I always stand here”. She wouldn’t move so I ended up moving across and back a bit during the class probably getting in others’ way.

No I’m nervous about going to the class tomorrow. I really enjoyed it and have booked on but how do I deal with this woman if she just stands next to me and doesn’t move. I consider myself somewhat assertive but I also suffer anxiety and have been feeling anxious about this all day.

I get that people gravitate towards certain spaces. I do too. But if someone got there first I wouldn’t dream of trying to move them. If I just stand somewhere else I’d probably be in someone’s preferred spot so why not hers?

I also think the strange comparison of me to the other brown person in the class was weird and possible racist but not sure if I’m being insensitive.

I have a similar colleague at work. If you sit where she likes to sit she will sit very close and almost tut that you’re in her way. Everyone knows what she’s like. It’s very childlike. I’d just stand somewhere else and leave her to her weirdness.

This 'I stand here usually' crap SO annoys me. I used to get this at the Zumba class I went to (and Salsa and all the others). I understand that people like to stand in a particular place, but you can't 'bag' a spot! I used to get the 'that's where my friend likes to stand' too. It got so annoying, I stopped going.

if she does it again you'll complain to your MP? lol, seriously just deal with it

I think her behaviour sounds very awkward and I wonder if she could have a social communication need. Invading your personal space, touching you, needing her usual spot,making this repeated reference to you and the other lady with similar ethnic background... it's all very odd and doesn't quite seem like straightforward aggression because the social nuances are wrong g.

If she did have a social communication need then the most helpful thing to do would be to be very verbally explicit in responding, eg I'm feeling uncomfortable that you're touching me, please could you stop / I don't like you calling me Nisha's daughter so please could you stop

Maybe also tell the instructor how uncomfortable you are and ask her to set boundaries if needed?

This always happens in classes, I myself have my 'own' spot but if someone was in it first that's tough shit for me. On two occasions I've even had the instructor point out that I was in someone's spot, I thought tough titty!!
In my regular class I seem to 'share' a spot with another woman who always arrives late & stands as close as she possibly can to me, one of these days I'm going to scissor kick her in the head🤣
As for the daughter comments, big eye rolls or just fuck off will do.

themarkofthemaker I think the OP was being sarcastic.

Sounds racist to me. I'd be more annoyed at her thinking she's entitled to push you around and claim a space.

Please don't feel nervous about going back. Turn up, take the space, don't back down. If she keeps touching you tell her firmly not to. If she persists, complain to the instructor. Don't be afraid to make a scene. She sounds like a bully.

Regulars have their spots in gym classes, it is sad but they do. If they tell you to move you either stand your ground until she gets the idea you aren't moving or you step aside. I've never been told to move but I've had muttering when I've moved in on a spot getting there earlier than the spot "owner".

You are immediately thinking she's racist because she says you look like someone else, you happen to be Asian. I once told a good friend who is also Asian she looked like someone I worked with, I still think she does to this day but she told me she didn't at all. I wasn't being racist, she's my friend and they look alike!!

"MH"
"Social communication needs"

She just sounds racist and unpleasant

Ugh she sounds like a nightmare OP. I know easier said than done but try not to let her push you around, she can’t carry on like she’s some sort of VIP.

When the only similarity 2 people have is their skin colour, then it is often an indicator of racism to assume they are related

Definitely racist. But I’d stand somewhere else; life’s too short to be constantly fighting battles.

There is always one in every class. One woman told the instructor to turn the music down until it was barely audible, another puts other peoples weights etc away when they turn their backs and in one particular class I'm looking at you jazz aerobics where if you stand anywhere that has been invisibly reserved the 'regulars ' simply do their weird 'jazz' moves on top of you.
It definitely varies from class to class within the gym and with how much nonsense the instructor puts up with.
Stand your ground !

People are so on trend cool when children have autism. So understanding, so careful. But when an adult obviously is having difficulty people say ‘lick her face’ or ‘twat’.

How about being kind?

She has decided it’s her space and, while friendly (all be it a bit weird), she really wants to stand there. Perhaps she NEEDS to stand there? Perhaps she’s not difficult? But processing the World differently? Perhaps she’s really really trying to be friendly but got it so wrong.

I feel so sad for my ds. The world is filled with some really hate filled people.

Don't let her put you off from going to the class. Try and privately e-mail the instructor and if it gets ignored, go to management. They want maximum attendance at these classes so they get more £££ so I'm sure they'll try and remedy it for you.

She just sounds socially awkward rather than a mean spirited bully (but can't tell for sure without seeing her body language, tone of voice etc.) so it shouldn't be too difficult to resolve.

Don't move.

Perhaps she is 'neurodiverse'
Be very direct when you talk to her and see if that does the trick.
'you are being rude'
'no, thanks but no'
'you need to move back because you are too close to me and I don't like it'
Etc

People trying to excuse racism by claiming it's just MH issues ...

Of course that’s racist to suggest the only two Asian people in a room of strangers are related when it is highly unlikely they aren’t.

And eye roll at loads of almost certainly white posters telling OP it isn’t racist. We learn nothing do we?

No idea how you handle it OP but I’d just stand at the front on the other side to her designated spot.

Just go and see what happens tomorrow.

But don't complain to your MP whatever happens. Not appropriate. The instructor, yes.

If there were only 2 white people in a class of black people and those white people didn't look at all alike,

then if a black person asked if they were related
AND kept being hostile towards them,

I'd assume they didn't want white people in the class

It sounds like she’s not quite right in the head.

I’d keep well away from her.

She obviously has issues and you need to stand your ground. I really dont get why you think this is racist !

I'm neurodiverse, I'm also very experienced with other people with neurodiversities. The description sounds like she's neurodiverse or has something going on.

Saying this does not make her actions lesser, and I agree that her repeated comments about the perceived similarity with Nisha are racist.

Some of us don't look or otherwise come across like others expect us to, when we have whichever diagnosis.

She could equally just actually be a super awful person.

I'd turn up earlier or stay behind after, to talk to the instructor. And I would try to be clear and direct as PPs have written, 'I do not like being touched, please stop' etc.

Ye gods.
‘Not quite right in the head’.

I’m muting this thread. It makes me so sad that people have no empathy.

There has been some great advice here. For a non nt person be direct “let’s keep some distance or we’ll hurt each other”, or “don’t be silly! We have a similar skin tone but we don’t look alike’.

Above all, be kind.