To tell my brother in law that my sister is cheating ?

[Aurelie20]

I have been reading on this forum for months and now I have something I need advice on..

My sister and I are very close and always been. She is perfect ,have a perfect house , perfect children and a perfect husband... After my marriage ended I moved in with her , and since he works night shifts I spent a lot of time with him and the children during the day.

She told me about 2 weeks ago that she has been seeing a man for roughly a month and thinks about leaving her husband but wants some time with the other man to be sure. I AM SO SHOCKED! I can't believe her. She has a perfect man that loves her and does everything for her.

I am close to him and cannot at look him in the eyes now. Especially since he always talks about her. I feel like telling him because he does not deserve that. But at the same time I don't want to lose my sister. She trusts me. What would you do.

Stay out of it - she's your sister at the end of the day as much as she's done wrong doing your loyalty should stay with her.

Although you should encourage HER to tell him.

I think you need to move out as a matter of urgency. Whichever way this goes, you can't stay there any more. Since you are living with her I'm guessing that you and your sister are close. Moving out and refusing to listen to any more about her affair is the best chance you have to preserve your relationship with your sister, if that is the most important thing.

If you tell, all Hell will break loose and you will be blamed. If you don't tell, you will resent being dragged into her lies. When it all comes out, you will probably lose your relationship with your BIL anyway, because he will assume that you knew and didn't tell him.

Stay out of it and move out.

I’d say don’t tell and it’s not because it’s a woman cheating but because she is your sister. Your relationship with her would never be the same c

No way I’d rat my sister out! Especially after offering me a place to stay. Glad you’re not my sister.

No I wouldn’t - your loyalties lie with your sister over your BIL. I’d be telling her though that she needs to make a decision and it’s not fair just to have her cake and eat it.

I wouldn't ruin family relationships (it's not just your sister who would be furious with you, and this could be a lifetime falling out)
I would, however, move out as soon as possible. You don't want to be living there when the shit hits the fan. And that could be any day now.

As badly behaved as she’s being....she’s your sister. I know I could never do that to my sister. Also you’re staying in her house - won’t she kick you out?

Yep I'd tell him.
And if ditch my sister if it came to that. She's a bitch. And you don't need bitches in your life.
If he finds out anyway and knows you knew well that's not nice either.
I certainly wouldn't stick by my kin if they did this.

I can’t believe people are using phrases like ‘rat my sister out’ and ‘snitch’ . Her sister hasn’t stolen a rubber from another kids desk, she’s cheating on her partner who is the father of her children. I’m not sure that I would tell him to be honest but I’d make sure she knew I thought she was disgusting and agree with the poster above that you should make it clear you will never lie for her as you don’t want your moral code to be in the gutter with hers.

Not your business. You'll lose your sister, your sister will lose her family and I doubt you'd ever see any of them again.

Of course it's horrid but just keep it of it. Also it sounds like you want to be with him and hope that this could accelerate them braking up so you can insert yourself - but I could be wrong

I’ve been in a very tricky situation, a little bit similar to yours in that it involved me really having to question my loyalties.

I was very torn about what to do because I knew what the ‘right’ thing to do was (to tell) but I didn’t because my sister, even though she was in the wrong, was always where my loyalties had to lie.

The incident I was privy to happened about 10 years ago now and still struggle to look the (unknowing) victim in the eye because I know the secret I kept and the implications of doing so.

It’s very tough and I empathise with you.

You have to stick by your sister though.

@fragrantbastard why would we say LTB when the OP isn't in the relationship?

It's not that the sister is right to cheat or that the husband shouldn't find out it's that the Op as her SISTER cannot be the one to tel or she will lose everyone.

I would tell him.
She is putting his health at risk.
What if she gets pregnant will she try and tell him it's his?

I wouldn't care if she's my sister. You don't have to have a relationship with her.

You can get Some evidence and send it anonymously.

Loving typical sexist posters showing their true colours. Never fails.

If you must, tell her that if she doesn’t tell him then you will.

I'd tell her that you're sad she's put you in the position of knowing her dirty secrets and are shocked she's risking so much for this other man. I'd encourage her to think long and hard about what she has and what's at risk and tell her that she needs to make up her mind one way or the other. She has to either leave her husband or recommit to him (though tbh, once someone's cheated they're very likely to cheat again, so he's probably better off if she leaves him now rather than later).

There's not enough info here to decide whether or not you should tell him, but I'd think very, very carefully before saying a word, because the repercussions will probably last your whole life.

On the other hand, blood may be thicker than water, but everyone is someone's family, even the most despicable lowlifes of the world. Just because someone's family doesn't mean they're right or deserve your allegiance.

It's not your place to tell him - but I would be having serious words with my sister if I were you, leaving her in no doubt about how I feel, and I would be looking for somewhere else to live.

What @Smileyaxolotl1 said.

And move out.

Definitely not your business. Too complex and you can’t tell people what to do in situations like that. Stay out of it. Move out if you’re uncomfortable.

When a husband is cheating, the MN verdict is that he is a rat,
instead of implying that he is doing so because the woman is somehow imperfect

She is a cheat and probably a rat

However, telling on a sibling means you would destroy your relationship with her
and they'd both demand you move out

Keep quiet, tell her you don't want to hear any more, maybe she'll just stay put

• but start saving hard in case they break up and you have to move out on your own in a hurry

Perhaps you can engineer for him to find out in a way that leaves you clear OP. That's what I'd do after all, she's included you in her deceit. Which is incredibly selfish. Unless she ends it, defo would either move out so I don't have to be involved or 'help' him find out. But looking him the face everyday? Nope.

This is one I would - with a great deal of misgiving - stay out of for the moment.

But if you can't then do this If you must, tell her that if she doesn’t tell him then you will.

Is there a way to tell the husband anonymously?

Oh god I don’t know. I think I might call her bluff and tell her if she didn’t tell him I would but I don’t know

I just feel worried and sorry that my sister is ruining her life for a short affair.
Yeah, I'm not so sure that is what it's all about. I get the feeling you'd love to rustle up that 'perfect' little world you seem a little jealous of.