AIBU to ask what you really wish people understood?

[SisyphusHadItEasy]

I have 2 things...

1. sometimes highly achieving students are only that because of a freak of genetics... I am (this is not a stealth boast) highly intelligent. I was born that way, just as someone can be born with the genes for ginger hair or be exceptionally flexible, the genetic weirdness in me is a stupid memory and ability to perform in an academic setting.

As a result, academics come very easily to me. I don't have to revise much (if at all) to ace an exam, can write a paper at the last minute that will be one of the best in the class.

I hate this. I know many students who work so much harder than me to achieve adequate results (or less). I feel guilty when I see them working so hard. I know that, because they have worked so hard, they are actually learning far more than I ever will.

I wish that everyone knew that academic success isn't always the result of hard work - or that failure was not the result of lack of effort.

and, 2) I wish all AIBU posters knew you can turn off the vote function with one click.

What do you wish everyone understood?

I wish that everyone knew that academic success isn't always the result of hard work - or that failure was not the result of lack of effort.

I think most people do realise. This comes across as massive stealth boast!

I agree with this being a ridiculous stealth boast.

You wish people understood how clever you are and how easy everything is for you? Ok....

No, and I am sorry that I posted it now. I would love to be forced to work hard to get results. That develops traits I never had to develop.

I tutor students in my program (returned to school 3 years ago) and I see how hard some of them work. I wish I had to do the same, because I know that in the workplace they will be so much more successful than I will. More though - I have a disabled child, and she will always be discounted because she can't excel for the very same reason that I can. A freak of genetics.

That sometimes it's really lonely living in my big mansion with my perfect husband and perfect children and never having to work and that actually it does get quite tiring being responsible for hiring the people who do all the jobs, even if you don't do the jobs. Also, ski trips and tennis are exhausting. And I organised a fundraising gala last year. Nobody realises how little leisure time I get, I am always just so busy there's not much time left to do anything once I've finished getting groomed at the spa

One could argue that being academically gifted and being intelligent are two entirely different things.

I kind of get where you might be coming from...Do you feel you haven't earned your success as such?

I don't think you meant this in a boasty way.

Ok, clearly I didn't realise that an attempt to be honest would make me feel like shit.

I'll retreat to a hole now.

Thanks.

That standing in front of a parent and asking what is "wrong" with their child just be ause that chid had a disability, is wrong. It isn't lovely curiosity, it's bad manners and it hurts people

Sorry I got a bit Carried away there. I think we do ourselves and everybody else a disservice if we pretend we all start with the same raw materials or in the same place. Just because something comes easily to you doesn't mean you didn't earn it, it's just the work was easier IYSWIM.

OP I get it, I'm very similar to you and never studied for any exams. My sister had to work really hard for her results. As an adult I really admire her determination and drive - skills that I didn't learn growing up . She is very successful in the workplace as she is willing to put the work in.

@AzraiL you are entirely correct. The only reason I used "intelligent" was that as I am now almost 50 and went through "IQ" testing in school as child - the ability to produce on a test was equated to intelligence.

I wouldn't say I am gifted in anything, I can just regurgitate the information in a way the examiners like.

@MovinOnUp, thank you. The uni seems to want to use me as an example - "if this late-40s mother of 3 can do it, so can you - and I feel like such an impostor when I know so many students work so much harder.

However, I guess there will always be those who will scream "stealth boast" when someone says something's little difficult - because what else do they have to do in the middle of the night but tear others down?

@AnotherMurkyDay Completely agree about the raw materials. Some things come incredibly easy for me, But some things I just can't manage despite working as hard as I can at them.

@SisyphusHadItEasy You are very welcome. I wouldn't let it get to you.

@AnotherMurkyDay, I read too much into your post, I apologise. You are correct.

I think what I wish everyone knew was that my achievement is not nearly as significant as that of some of my classmates. I want them to be recognised for their effort - not just that they can tick the right boxes.

Someone who has an "average" job, but has fought every moment to get where they are is so much more of a success than anyone tho whom it came easily.

My IQ normally comes up well. I'm good at tests. Always had a good reading age and excelled at standardised tests in school. Those I knew who struggled at those things (and still do) did learn some valuable skills that I never did. I've been on the back foot ever since while they've gone on to be much more successful people. Sometimes I think my 'gifts' were actually very unhelpful because I didn't learn about hard work and slow and steady wins the race, I was the hare that lost the race. I admire the tortoises now. I think good on you for sticking it out. I'm the person who passes their driving theory easily but can't manage the practical. They've got the practical skills so once they've passed their theory they are ready for the road (even if it takes a few tries). No point in teaching fish to climb trees I guess

I get it. Sorry my first post was meant to be I. Jest but I think it might have come out a bit mean. It was just meant to be "oh yes it is hard struggling with ones silver spoons isn't it dear?" My sense of humour doesn't always translate well at 3am and in txt

I feel guilty when I see them working so hard

OP, do you mean you actually feel guilty, or is it more like imposter syndrome? Like you might be rumbled for not having the depth of knowledge because you just did what was necessary to pass an exam?

@Sleeping, my youngest is disabled,and her differences are more evident as she grows. The word "wrong" stings

@LonginesPrime definitely I feel the imposter. I don't think I deserve the recognition, and am just waiting for someone to call me a fraud.

Maybe this is just compounded tonight because I was told by a classmate today that they hate me (I was offered a position post-graduation).

OP I get it. I make myself sound a bit stupid to fit in because at uni and school being clever did nothing for my social skills and ultimately friendships. People seemed to like me better if I came across less erudite.

I guess I wish people understood academic success is only relevant if you want to stay in academia and even then that still relies on social skills and networking. It’s like people who excel in school then dine out on the story of how good they were in their o levels despite never achieving much afterwards. It’s a bit boring and boasts which may have been relevant 30 years ago but really isn’t now.

Imposter syndrome is really common (especially among women) I'm sure you absolutely do deserve it. You didn't pretend to gain academic achievement just because you found it easier than other people. It just is. You don't have to apologise for being smart, you can't help it. Just as your child can't help being disabled. Some things are just facts of life and we don't help anybody by denying them or denying the advantages or disadvantages they grant us.

That OCD isn't just lining things up neatly or liking your house to be clean. I want to throttle people when they say "I'm a little bit OCD"

I have a very high iq but I wish some bugger had given me the manual on how to use it!

I completely understand op. It’s made me lazy. In early years, I wasn’t encouraged at all so very quickly lost interest. Now I’m left with a brain which is potentially high functioning but bloomin retired already it seems. If I could turn back time.

I wish people understood that chronic fatigue conditions are real and cause real physiological illness. Feeling tired is not the same thing.