AIBU to ask what you really wish people understood?

[SisyphusHadItEasy]

I have 2 things...

1. sometimes highly achieving students are only that because of a freak of genetics... I am (this is not a stealth boast) highly intelligent. I was born that way, just as someone can be born with the genes for ginger hair or be exceptionally flexible, the genetic weirdness in me is a stupid memory and ability to perform in an academic setting.

As a result, academics come very easily to me. I don't have to revise much (if at all) to ace an exam, can write a paper at the last minute that will be one of the best in the class.

I hate this. I know many students who work so much harder than me to achieve adequate results (or less). I feel guilty when I see them working so hard. I know that, because they have worked so hard, they are actually learning far more than I ever will.

I wish that everyone knew that academic success isn't always the result of hard work - or that failure was not the result of lack of effort.

and, 2) I wish all AIBU posters knew you can turn off the vote function with one click.

What do you wish everyone understood?

user1423578854468 thank you.

While I completely get all this, the OP isn't a school child, she's a 40something mother of three returning to university, far beyond the problems of being perceived as a swot and having teachers who don't like her.

In theory, as we age we mature.

In practice, you put a group of adults in a classroom setting and you can watch the regression happen before your eyes.

I am a mature student, and while the classroom politics might not include how many followers we have on TikTok, there are still judgements and politics and pressures.

@SleepingStandingUp oh I hear you. What's wrong with him. Ffs NOOOOTTTHING different not bloody less

That no not everyone is ‘a bit autistic’ and we are not ‘all on the spectrum’. My well-meaning MIL says this frequently despite me trying to politely inform her otherwise. Drives me mad and is meant as empathy but actually it is really offensive and dismissive of those that are autistic and the challenges they face. It’s similar to the dismissive attitude that some people have towards mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety or OCD.
Also, that just because I mask well (I had to learn as a survival skill so now it comes naturally), doesn’t mean I’m not desperately struggling. I can nod and smile and seem engaged while in reality I’m not following the conversation at all, am anxious as hell, fighting a meltdown, in sensory hell because of background noise/ bright lights, or even be feeling suicidal. I can feel all those things, be on the brink of emotional collapse and still smile and look absolutely fine and happy. People do not see what it costs me as a person just to function on a basic level. I can go weeks not leaving my house at all (work from home) and even meeting a fiend for an hour will lead to me being in bed for the rest of the day with fatigue and will take a week for me to fully recover. People just see when you have your ‘game face’ on. I struggle with executive functioning and anxiety which means my life is chaotic and disorganised which makes my anxiety worse as I actually do better with structure. I also have dyspraxia which means I struggle with basic practical skills and get a lot of aches and pains. And if I try to explain how things really are, I get the feeling people think I’m exaggerating/ making it up. Even ‘high functioning’ autism has a devastating effect on lives.
Also, I wish people understood that autism doesn’t mean someone is cold and uncaring or lacking in empathy. It is not true and I see so many posts on here where someone had behaved horribly and is cruel so someone replies that it sounds like they’re autistic. It’s actually really offensive. I am one of the kindest most sensitive people you could meet and would do anything for anyone, worry about people around me etc. My husband is also autistic and the same. Yes we both struggle in social situations and can be awkward at times but that doesn’t translate to being a horrible person

Sorry that was so long - it turned into a bit of a rant!

I work with people with HIV and Herpes Simplex viruses mainly, it INFURIATES me how much internalised stigma and prejudices people have. Especially the people that pretend to be judgement free, some of the vile tripe I’ve heard leave people’s mouth simply because they feel comfortable and confident enough to judge people they perceive to be lesser than them.

Sorry that was so long - it turned into a bit of a rant!

It was a rant well said, or rather written to be precise. You wrote pretty much everything i wanted to. Especially the last part, that type of stuff is soul destroying to read on here, to read that people equate being autistic with being horrible and cruel. Knowing that's what some people think it makes me wonder why i bother putting in the effort to try and interact with them and understand them.
My brother is autistic too and he's the sweetest, kindest most sensitive person i know. Ironically enough because of that professionals often question whether he's autistic, because they think he's "too friendly and sociable" to be autistic. And when challenged on it they seem to have no understanding of how offensive that is. Sorry, little rant of my own there.

Exactly JanMeyer, Social interaction is so difficult being autistic that I probably put more thought into how to be kind and supportive and how to get along with other people so they feel comfortable. If everyone that was autistic was horrible and cruel we wouldn’t bother putting in so much effort. I’m sorry to hear that your brother is experiencing these views too - how ignorant, professionals really should know better!

Thecatsthecats your posts strike a chord.

The only way you could get away with being a swot at my school (by teachers and teachers and pupils) was by being sporty too, which I wasn't

@SisyphusHadItEasy