AIBU to ask what you really wish people understood?

[SisyphusHadItEasy]

I have 2 things...

1. sometimes highly achieving students are only that because of a freak of genetics... I am (this is not a stealth boast) highly intelligent. I was born that way, just as someone can be born with the genes for ginger hair or be exceptionally flexible, the genetic weirdness in me is a stupid memory and ability to perform in an academic setting.

As a result, academics come very easily to me. I don't have to revise much (if at all) to ace an exam, can write a paper at the last minute that will be one of the best in the class.

I hate this. I know many students who work so much harder than me to achieve adequate results (or less). I feel guilty when I see them working so hard. I know that, because they have worked so hard, they are actually learning far more than I ever will.

I wish that everyone knew that academic success isn't always the result of hard work - or that failure was not the result of lack of effort.

and, 2) I wish all AIBU posters knew you can turn off the vote function with one click.

What do you wish everyone understood?

So I assume you've used this gift to do well in life and give to others less fortunate in some form ?

Ie I do lots of high paid work and also do pro bono work for charity or low income situations etc

What's your payback ? As if you don't have one - doing something along these lines may make you feel more worthy/happy/fulfilled etc etc .

I wish people knew a child wearing an eye patch, doesn't always mean A) lazy eye B) injured themselves. And if you don't want a real explanation then just don't bloody question it.

Bluewaves
Same here.

I really wish I didn’t have to pretend to be normal and pretend not to be disabled so as to be able to fit into society.

wehaveafloater
Iq is not a measure of financial success. Often it impedes....

Mummyoflittkedragon
Maybe not but if you have a skill and it allows you to earn well then that's often a quality perk to it .

Odd post, very odd

1. that people realised that hand washing is not optional
2. that if you are able bodied you can walk instead of drive half a mile instead of taking the car

Isn't that a sign that you should be doing something that's more challenging for you? Use your powers for good. Go find us a cure for Covid-19.

SPAG.

Out of all the things in the world, that’s what you wish people understood? Why on earth does it matter whether other people think your academic achievements stem from hard work or not?

If you don’t like ‘the uni’ using you as an example — do you mean your tutor? Who is saying it? — tell them to stop being so bloody ageist and sexist! Why wouldn’t a mother of three in her late 40s excel? My highest-achieving undergraduate in my last institution was a single parent of three very young children, and had arrived in the UK as a refugee.

And I really think you can leave it to your fellow students to worry about whether their hard work is appreciated or not...

I think most people do realise that being super clever is a gift you are born with, I think the issue is that some people assume as a result of that you have a charmed superior life and that is what they don’t realise.

One of DDs uni friends was like you, so intelligent he made your head hurt. Never revised or studied hard and got top marks all the time. OTOH, he suffered terribly with MH, didn’t get out of bed for weeks at a time. He still aced all his exams and graduated with flying colours, but you wouldn’t have swapped places with him.

I have worked with many people whose brains are like tornados, but they have bugger all common sense or can’t simultaneously manage an organised personal life.

Being clever is just another quality, like being a natural carer or exceptionally good with vocational tasks.

Everyone has different strengths, and even being super brainy doesn’t give you a guaranteed charmed life or high income.

Maybe studying with so many young people if giving you this perspective OP, those of us that are older with more life experience probably wouldn’t have the same opinion.

I wish people understood how debilitating and exhausting anxiety is. It’s not just being worried about something or a bit stressed. My anxiety frequently makes me physically ill as well.

So many things I wish people understood-

The horrific lives and feelings of factory farmed animals
The reality of climate destruction
The suffering of people who are living somewhere we don't have to see

On a personal note-

I agree with Bluewaves about chronic fatigue
I wish people could understand other people's sadness and struggle without feeling 'dragged down'

OP, I have a son like you. He is grown now, and the tragedy of his gifts is that he doesn't value the many amazing things which come easily to him, so he chooses to spend his life struggling at jobs which are very hard for him, and which he will never do with ease and grace (like he does maths or science). My advice to you is to value and treasure your gifts, not to feel bad about them, just as you don't feel conceited about them.
Just savour the intrinsic joy of using them.

I know you were not being boasty also OP.

What do I wish.... hmm. Well, DC1 has autism and dyspraxia and verbal and physical tics. I wish people understood that no this is not the fault of an unkind uncaring 'refrigerator' mother who did not bond with her baby or talk to him in the early years. Those myths still persist and are incredibly hurtful.... even some of his teachers at his (excellent) school seem to have absorbed some of those myths. I have been asked all sorts. And the day he was diagnosed (at school by an ed psych) his form teacher piped up with the helpful 'Oh there was an item in the news today about an autistic boy'. Um yep... I'd seen it to and it was about a boy who had murdered someone. Thanks for that.

I misread one of Plums sentences up threas as 'I have worked with people who have brains like tomatos'. and was nodding in recognition.

that's now what she said though!

Actually OP, a fair number of people DO think that academic ability is god given. I work at a counselling service at a university and the number of students who assume people are just born with the ability to write an essay or understand complicated information, ace exams is pretty high! My job is to help them develop their skills and strategies to not give up on themselves versus they “can’t do it” they “just aren’t clever”. A lot of time is spent in schools helping students develop a “growth mindset” as well. So I think op, that a lot of people do assume academic ability is god given! It may very well be, but academic skills are like any other skills - you can develop and improve with practice. Just think op - could you have done even better, achieved even higher grades if you did revise etc?

And I do realise that not everyone is academics isn’t for everyone. But a lot of people (students at uni or before applying) don’t try or give up because “they aren’t clever”.

@SisyphusHadItEasy
Not sure how others think this is a stealth boast, as you admit it comes easily to you.
The only ones who can "boast" are the ones who have worked their arses off to ace a test, surely!

As far as the MN voting, I don't have that option on my device/version of Mumsnet.
I wonder if I started a thread, would it automatically enable voting (on other versions) - without my input?

That no one chooses their personality. The person you are is determined by your genetics and your experiences.

& also it's not fixed - we are practically different people in different situations. & the situation has a greater influence on our behaviour than our personality.

So next time someone's being UR or a CF, try to have empathy instead of judgement - they didn't choose to be like that, & their annoying behaviour is probably because they have some worse shit going on in their lives.

I wish people would understand that even when my youngest child goes to full time school in September, working full time is not feasible for me!
I’m constantly getting asked/told I can work full time from September. I work 3 days at the moment but struggle in the school holidays due to no childcare. We have no help at all. My husband works over an hour away although can occasionally work from home. So during school holidays I have to use leave/DH uses leave and works from home but it’s not something we could do if I worked 5 days a week.
I’d love the extra money, but trying to get childcare just during school holidays is hard.

I get it OP. I have lots of pupil who come to school set up for academics (whether they have been nurtured by a parent or are naturally able). They almost always suffer from a lack of resilience when they find themselves faced with things they cannot do. They often hate to lose and get a sort of sense of superiority because they glide through things.

I see some children who just struggle so hard to achieve certain things even though they try so damn hard every day. But they develop resilience and ways around problems and therefore are picking up skills that the more academically able children are not.

Haha....OP, I get it. I struggled so hard to just maintain average grades.
My intelligence lies in the physical world. I can turn my hands to anything, calligraphy, knitting, painting nails perfectly etc...honestly, show me once and I'm going to be good at it almost instantly 😅
School is for people like you I think, and non academic types don't get to shine there.

I have a child with a learning disability -That they can't all 'understand' or learn to do a particular thing no matter how much effort a parent puts in.

I get you, OP. I am not at all like you, but my mother, my nephew, my DH, and my son are, by nature, effortless academics and incredibly intelligent. I look at those four people in my life and am always in awe of how easily academic study comes to them. It's their 'thing' and you shouldn't be made to feel defensive for a gift you should be so proud to have as your own. We all have our thing.
I have a very good, imaginative, creative, but lazy mind. I am incredibly practical, pragmatic, and a grafter. I seem to work better if a job requires phyical labour. I've always thought I should be working in stables, mucking them out, night and day.

The thing I wish people had more of in society is foresight. Most people lack imagination and foresight and I observe a lot of avoidable difficulties on account of people refusing to take time to consider the consequences of their actions. People make a lot of impulse decisions for the greater good, with little thought to what these decisions will actually bring to the table. And then we end up unravelling messes and wasting time and resources we wouldn't have lost if only we'd stop to consider our next steps before taking them.

I think that you are lazy @SisyphusHadItEasy. We should all work hard to achieve our own potential. You need to give yourself a kick up the arse and stop navel gazing.