AIBU to ask what you really wish people understood?

[SisyphusHadItEasy]

I have 2 things...

1. sometimes highly achieving students are only that because of a freak of genetics... I am (this is not a stealth boast) highly intelligent. I was born that way, just as someone can be born with the genes for ginger hair or be exceptionally flexible, the genetic weirdness in me is a stupid memory and ability to perform in an academic setting.

As a result, academics come very easily to me. I don't have to revise much (if at all) to ace an exam, can write a paper at the last minute that will be one of the best in the class.

I hate this. I know many students who work so much harder than me to achieve adequate results (or less). I feel guilty when I see them working so hard. I know that, because they have worked so hard, they are actually learning far more than I ever will.

I wish that everyone knew that academic success isn't always the result of hard work - or that failure was not the result of lack of effort.

and, 2) I wish all AIBU posters knew you can turn off the vote function with one click.

What do you wish everyone understood?

Flora we both work full time with no relatives and 2 young kids. We use a mixture of leave and holiday clubs. I feel a bit guilty but there is no other option, don't beat yourself up over it.

@Bluewavescrashing
I wish people understood that chronic fatigue conditions are real and cause real physiological illness. Feeling tired is not the same thing.

Amen to that.

I occasionally manage to do quite a bit, but it's a brutal struggle.
Actually, it's a, motherfuckingfuckmylifethissuckssofuckingmuch, brutal struggle.

....

I wish people understood just how hard it is to leave an abusive marriage.

To neuter their pets and that pets are for life.

Crazy cat lady over here.

Being good at doing exams is actually an ability in itself. I'm good at exams (as long as they're written, not practical) and can pass them even when my level of knowledge isn't very high - the reverse of people who can't do themselves justice in exams. It's not been a very useful skill since leaving education, apart from in a handful of professional qualifications.

I wish more people understood that being a sahm/p isn't always a choice.

Sometimes it just happens and sometimes it's for very difficult/upsetting reasons.

It was never my plan. But life's funny like that.

I wish some people understood the importance of feeding their children (and themselves) healthy food and not just processed shit and sweets. And the importance of exercise. And that other people aren't eating healthy food and exercising for the sole purpose of pissing other people off.

@AnotherMurkyDay 😂 love it!!!

In terms of success often high emotional intelligence is a better predictor than high IQ.

Developing skills to study, working with people and seeking feedback are all good attributes, but ones that people who retain facts easily don’t always develop - because they don’t need to.

I wish my husband's family realised sugar is not a good way to show love.

That I only have one pair of hands at work, and I can only do one thing at a time.

It doesn't matter how fast I am, I still can't serve customers, run errands for several customers, clear tables, clean tables, refill several stations, sweep the floor, deliver trolleys etc, etc all at the same time.

Neither could you. We need more staff and lowered unrealistic expectations. Please, with respect.

I don't see it as a problem I deserve sympathy or understanding for but I understand the OP. I have never learnt to apply my intelligence, cruised through, always pulling it out of the bag last minute and it makes me so angry at myself, knowing I could do better.

I am doing a distance learning masters. Recently messed up some dates and ended up having to read the whole module for and write a substantial essay in a day and a night (including a lot of time consuming modelling). This was not a subject i had prior knowledge of.

I got a high merit grade so not top of the class material this time but far, far better than I deserved. I know there are far worse issues and it is my own doing but I actually felt sick and a fraud reading all the positive feedback about my ideas and argument, knowing classmates would have really worked for that grade and felt I had devalued the grade and course.

Trauma. I wish people understood trauma, that being traumatised is not a choice, and what it's like to have to live with long term.

But isn’t it actually more true (I haven’t got any figures to back this up) that those born with such highly innate academic abilities are in the small minority and infact most people who do well academically are determined, conscientious people who worked really hard to achieve those grades? I’m rather wary of the idea that everyone should just down tools because afterall, academic success is simply a ‘’gift’ to those who manage it. You only have to look at the education boards on MN to see how hard people are working and how it pays of in the end.

On the other hand if OP is feeling ‘guilty’ because it all comes so easily then clearly they are not being challenged. Tons of challenges out their even for the brightest. Do a PhD if you haven’t already, if you have, do another one, work in research, write papers on topics not wellknown about that will help humanity, tons of similarly gifted people in that trying to help solve the worlds woes. I’m sure they’re not thinking their ground breaking research has all come to them ‘easily’.

Look for something you really want to get your teeth into that will stretch you mentally and give you that sense of fulfilment.

That it isn't the fucking flu

OP - ignore the nasty posters. I get you. I’m nowhere near as extreme as you describe but I am lucky enough to have a great short term memory. Good enough that I could do next to no work in class, revise for 2 hours the night before an exam, go in, do well in the exam and then instantly forget most of what I revised.

It’s actually useful to be reminded of this; my DS is NOT good at retaining information and despite working hard tends to do poorly which is very demotivating for him. It’s easy to assume he isn’t trying but I know he is.

I wish people understood statistics. Just a basic grasp of how distributions work, how populations need to be coherent for the stats to mean anything, how you really shouldn't make comparisons where none logically can be drawn.

Due to the number of times stats are used to present "stuff" in the media, it should be the case that everyone learns about them at school. I get so sick of having to explain to my children that what they've just heard/read/seen is absolute rubbish as the stats are completely invalid.

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH

OK, I'm calm now.

How difficult it is having no supportive family close by. The expense, the difficulty in finding people you trust and your child is happy with. People with capable, loving family who provide free childcare have no idea how lucky they are.

That having ADHD is a disability that affects the sufferer's life detrimentally. It is not just being naughty/disruptive/bad parenting.

I wish people understood anxiety. People that don't get it probably find it very, very annoying.

That people dont have to get all defensive because I dont watch TV . And because I prefer books , I am Not making a comment on you and I am not an intellectual snob because I cannot join in the discussion about things on telly. . I just prefer losing myself in a book ... always have .

That being a wife and mother doesn't make you superhuman without needs. There's this fucked up idea that we're supposed to "get on with it". Well. Fuck you.

I would love to be forced to work hard to get results.

Why? If you don't need to work so hard to get good academic results, that's great: you can focus your energy elsewhere.

BTW, I don't think that you were boasting, OP. I think you're lucky to have those skills and should embrace them: not wish that you didn't have them