Aibu to not understand why so many people have kids?

[Bigearringsbigsmile]

When they have no intention of putting their kids needs before their own?
Good, reliable contraception is freely available now so why put yourself through having children when you don't actually give a shit?
I see so many kids whose parents don't seem to even do the basics properly. I don't get why. Have an easier life- devote your time and money to yourself legitimately.

Yep I can vouch for the fact that ppl act like you're a bit odd if you're a woman and you dont want kids. And this is even in fairly enlightened circles

@Babytigerrr They are in the UK. I have no idea about child maintenance so I don't know how it works. MIL feels no one should work full time if they can get more on benefits (that's for a whole other thread!) but BIL attempts to borrow money from DH saying they need fags they're skint and then spends £2k on a puppy that looks like it's come from a back yard breeder!

You never have the whole story u less you live with that family.
You sound very judgemental.
Shall we take that logic for any time we see selfish behaviour?
When a colleague constantly lands everyone else with extra work because they're lazy and openly pull sickies = oh but we don't know their situation so nobody should think they're being selfish

It strikes me on here that MILs only have to breathe wrong before they're labelled as narcissistic bullies, a DH only has to lose track of time once and it's a red flag for being controlling and abusive, going no contact/low contact or LTB is the go to response for many situations, but heaven forbid you think anything negative about some parenting decisions. Even on threads where an OP has safeguarding concerns about a situation people reply telling them to keep their nose out, everyone is entitled to a bad day, stop being judgemental, school should keep their noses out.

Has anyone been watching my 10 kids & me ? Can't not mention the radfords either. Only so many hours in the day. Those kids are tribes and not individuals. If any of those families gave any thoughts to their existing children they wouldn't have any more

notwhereishouldbe

Only the actual parents income matters in regards to cm. So it wont change at all. How do they not know that?

but heaven forbid you think anything negative about some parenting decisions

I'm relatively new around here, so I could be wrong about this, but it seems to me that a large portion of posts on mumsnet are people thinking negatively about other people's parenting decisions.

We had ivf and 3 embryos in the freezer and our 5 month old boy.

We don't rely on benefits and Ken our house, but honestly one child is enough for me.

I know his lucky we are but the changed a baby makes to your life is massive and I can never understand how people have tons of kids, the time and effort it takes to look after one how do they do it with 3+

Since we were blessed with our embryos I have thought about it constantly

HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely
There's some, usually with a tribe of people replying who are desperate to argue that the OP is wrong and mean, even if offline it's fairly clear something is wrong.

So you get threads like:

OP: AIBU to think that cafes aren't play areas. There's no need for children to be running around and screaming. It's inconsiderate to other customers and is a hazard to the staff
Professionally offended types: of course YABU. That cafe trip could be the only trip out that parent has in a week / if you want silence then go to a library or stay at home / someone will invoke SEND Needs even if it's quite clear the OP is discussing parents who watch and laugh as their children run around.

Offline- people would have an issue with it and think it's rude

OP: I'm concerned about DC's friend. The friend seems always dirty and has been embarrassed by it. The child seems to be unhappy and DC has shared (insert clear safeguarding concern here). How do I respond to this? Should I speak to the school or social services?

Professionally offended types: Of course you shouldn't call social services. The parents are clearly struggling so they don't need you trying to rip their family apart. Everyone has had days OP, unless you're a perfect parent. If you actually wanted to help then you should open your house and invite the friend to live with you / offer to help the parents tidy their house (even if you've hardly spoken to them before). Others will suggest ignoring all safeguarding guidance and say the OP should talk to the parents directly about their concerns, seemingly too ignorant to see that this could actually place a child in harm's way.

@LolaSmiles

I have seen some of those "Don't call SS" comments. I find that odd. I suppose we all have a different threshold of what is acceptable but ultimately the primary concern should be the potentially endangered/vulnerable child. I could never forgive myself if I had concerns about a child but didn't act upon them, only to find out that my concerns were very much warranted. I care much more about that than I do about another adult feeling as though I am judging them.

I work in a school and nursery in an extremely deprived area... I don't think any of the parents intend to not do the job properly but many just don't know any different.

HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely
Same here. Raising a concern won't get a child removed from their parents.
Safeguarding isn't usually the big disclosures, it's people around a child sharing concerns so that a limited number of people end up with a picture of what's going on and can speak to relevant professionals.
MN is a funny place at times.