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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that some Mumsnetters hate men?

508 replies

Ruby8719 · 05/03/2020 14:53

Am I being unreasonable to think that some (not all) mumsnetters hate men and can’t wait to jump in and tell women to leave their husbands?

Obviously there are a lot of stories on here about husbands/boyfriends/dads that sound like arseholes but the amount of comments I see from strangers telling women to leave their men for making a mistake is crazy!!

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 06/03/2020 08:25

Eckhart, I don’t believe for a second that you actually think that’s what posters are saying. That not doing anything about rapists makes a man a rapist. The reason I don’t believe you think that is because I don’t think anyone is that stupid.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 06/03/2020 08:26

What point Mary?

And who are you accusing of having name changed?

MarieQueenofScots · 06/03/2020 08:28

My point about NAMALT, you did it divinely.

Eckhart · 06/03/2020 08:29

Pump Strong arguments don't need personal insults.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 06/03/2020 08:32

So what, you think that it's ok to treat all men as a class, rather than an individual? That an individual man, even when he's in say an abusive relationship, should still be spoken to and about as belonging to a class that is more violent? You think that's ok? So a man coming on here and describing an abusive relationship in which he is clearly the victim, should be told more or less, well tough luck mate men have been doing this to women for years and what have you done about that? You think that's the right thing to do?

Wow. What does that say about you if you think that's ok?

Pumperthepumper · 06/03/2020 08:33

Pump Strong arguments don't need personal insults.

Is this the end of your strong argument? Or do you really believe that ‘not doing enough to combat rape equals being a rapist’?

MarieQueenofScots · 06/03/2020 08:35

Wow. What does that say about you if you think that's ok?

Please show me - with quotes - where I said that. I’ll wait.

Nothing I’ve said shows that, everything you’ve said shows - as per usual - your amazing lack of comprehension. Deliberately obtuse isn’t a great debating style, however verbosely you do it.

Eckhart · 06/03/2020 08:41

The YABUs of this thread have now degenerated into calling the YANBUs stupid and obtuse.

The vote is split halfway. Yes, Pump, I think I'll leave it at that, for this thread.

Pumperthepumper · 06/03/2020 08:46

Yes, I thought you might.

TheBlueStocking · 06/03/2020 08:49

Yes, I think some do. Although, they'd be dragged across hot coals before they admit it.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 06/03/2020 08:49

MarieQueenofScots

You implied it with your response of " perfect example of NAMALT"

Why not engage with a post rather than than posting cryptic responses if you don't want those responses to be misinterpreted?

What does referring to men as a class mean when we are dealing with individuals? How is that relevant? How is it applicable on an individual basis? What do women as a class have in common and would that be at all relevant to a specific individual woman? Do you think that a man posting on MN seeking advice about an abusive relationship in which he is the victim should be treated as the perpetrator because "men as a class"?

Eckhart · 06/03/2020 08:55

Yes, and I'd advise anyone to leave a discussion in which they are being called stupid. There's simply no point in continuing when somebody is so dead-set on winning that they will stoop to insults.

We simply disagree.

I never said, nor believe, this: not doing enough to combat rape equals being a rapist

Having your own words twisted against you is another solid reason to walk away from a conversation.

PhoneLock · 06/03/2020 08:58

Suggest you might find www.pistonheads.com/gassing/ more to your liking then? Why bother staying here?

Just had a look at that. I couldn't find their AIBU board anywhere. It's all about cars. Rubbish!

Pumperthepumper · 06/03/2020 09:03

You said other people believe that. But it’s not true is it?

I too would advise anyone to step away from a discussion if they can’t follow logic or contribute anything meaningful.

Babyg1995 · 06/03/2020 09:04

Some of them don't like anyone not just men they can't wait to jump on a thread to give a negative irrelevant comment .
Too much time on there hands I say .

Eckhart · 06/03/2020 09:06

Wow, Pump, we just disagree.

TheMagiciansMewTwo · 06/03/2020 09:07

Does Pistonheads regularly have threads saying 'I think PHers hate women?' Or 'Why do so many threads objectify women?' Or is the attempt to police debate and views a tactic only applied to MN? That would be an interesting comparison to make. I'm sure someone could write a thesis on the NAMALTing and fact denial that certain posters regurgitate on here in an attempt to derail and undermine that this is a predominantly female-centred space. I bet there aren't women popping up regularly on PH telling them they're men-ing wrong and being sexist ....

Pumperthepumper · 06/03/2020 09:10

No we don’t! We both think the same - that not doing enough to combat rape doesn’t make you a rapist.

It also doesn’t make you A Good Man though, maybe that’s where we disagree.

Pumperthepumper · 06/03/2020 09:12

TheMagiciansMewTwo why would they though? It’s only ever women who have to moderate their language, men can say what they like. Men can sexually assault women and still become President of the United States, it doesn’t matter how men think of women.

TheMagiciansMewTwo · 06/03/2020 09:18

Pumper that was the point I was making.

NemoRocksMyWorld · 06/03/2020 09:19

I don't think anyone thinks that a man who is being abused should not be treated kindly and that the perpetrators should not be punished.

However, we have to talk about men as a class because something is making a fairly large proportion of them be violent and abusive. If we don't talk about that, how can we go about solving it? If you don't believe in pink brains and blue brains (which I don't) then in fact men are being socialised this way. We (not women, everyone) need to work out why this is happening - because it is not ok. Most women you will come across have experienced some sort of sexual harassment or abuse. That is not ok.

I don't hate all men I have three sons and a husband. But somehow they mostly seem to end up a bit entitled and somehow women mostly seem to put up with that. I do hate that, I really hate that and it needs to change.

Pumperthepumper · 06/03/2020 09:24

I know, sorry. I was trying to support your post.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 06/03/2020 09:29

Oh for FFS pumper. The average man is not responsible for Donald Trump becoming POTUS. There were a whole ton of women responsible for that too - does that mean they are responsible for attitudes around sexual assaults?

Please tell me how class analysis is at all relevant with regards to an individual posting here looking for advice?

With regards affairs - if the man is cheating then the wife is given lots of practical advice, told that it's not her fault that he's clearly lower than a dog's belly. If it's a woman cheating then the husband is harrangued about what he did to make her chest, about how he should leave and pay for everything even if that leaves him homeless and unable to have his children to stay, despite it being her behaviour that has broken the marriage.

Domestic violence is deemed to be the fault of the man, even if he's the victim.

Mental health issues - husband is a piece of shit if he doesn't move heaven and earth to support his wife and get her help. If the man gas MH issues then it's his responsibility to get help and sort himself out. His wife isn't there to be his carer.

Lack of sex drive - if it's the woman then it's absolutely her right to never be approached by her husband, if he so much as looks at her then he's abusive, a sex pest, disgusting and deserves bromide in his tea. If it's the man that's gone off sex well, clearly he is being emotionally abusive, he should get down to the Dr and sort out otherwise LTB life's too short to be in a sexless marriage, at the very least he should pleasure his wife even if he isn't interested, though in all likelihood he's either gay, having an affair or addicted to porn.

This is the truth of what happens on MN.

Eckhart · 06/03/2020 09:32

You are arguing against 'We disagree' with, 'But we agree!'

And then in the same post, suggesting we disagree.

You're right, Pump: I'm too stupid for this debate.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 06/03/2020 09:34

NemoRocksMyWorld

Just how would that be a relevant discussion point on a thread where a man is disclosing that he's a victim of domestic abuse though?

"Oh sorry that your wife walloped you op but you must realise that men as a class are more violent than women". So what, with regards to that man and his situation?

Have discussions about men as a class on a thread about that. Why do people do it on an individual's thread?

Why did so many posters make excuses for what Caroline Flack was charged with? How can it be ok to assault anyone because you suspect they may be cheating - man or woman? Regardless of whether she was guilty, the fact is that a good number of posters were prepared to dismiss and excuse domestic violence against a man when it was committed by a woman. How can that be right?