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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if anyone actually has a dh/dp that remembers?

87 replies

Furcoatgirl · 05/03/2020 11:09

Dh and I had a row last night, it was petty really, he'd forgotten it was bloody World Book Day and then didn't have a clue what dc were supposed to be doing/wearing, even though all dates and info are emailed to both of us. Fine, who cares you might think, but it irritates me that I'm the only one who ever bothers to note these things down.

Whether it be dress up days, dentist appointments, eye-test, sorting new uniform, parents evening, literally anything the dc need to do it's all down to me.

Before anyone asks, we both work, I get home an hour earlier which I spend making dinner. I also do all pick ups and drop offs.

Last night he went to great lengths to tell me why despite receiving all email alerts from school, it would be impossible for him to note the dates down anywhere because he would be incapable of remembering to check any kind diary or calendar.

This is because of his very important job which apparently involves him driving through floods, trees falling on his vehicle and other road users running him off the road.

He does however have time to read the sports pages on his phone and watch videos. So suggested he use his phone calendar but he said he'd never be able to work out how to use it.

OP posts:
Furcoatgirl · 05/03/2020 11:11

Sorry so I meant to say. I imagine this is a common theme with dads not remembering this kind of stuff.

Does anyone actually have a husband who does?

OP posts:
HulksPurplePanties · 05/03/2020 11:13

I'm the husband who does this. Except I'm a wife.

Boshmama · 05/03/2020 11:13

Yes this is well documented as the mental load women are expected to carry on top of working, looking after children etc etc. It sucks!

DesLynamsMoustache · 05/03/2020 11:15

Mental load! It's definitely a thing.

SapatSea · 05/03/2020 11:15

No. Only dads who remember these things I know are a SAHP and another who works part time so can shoulder more childcaring responsibilities.

mbosnz · 05/03/2020 11:22

Um, mine does. Well not World Book Day stuff, but doctor's appointments, etc, parents evening. . .

HulksPurplePanties · 05/03/2020 11:23

Well not World Book Day stuff

No one should remember world book day. If we all forget it it will go away.

Damntheman · 05/03/2020 11:25

My DH reminded me just yesterday about a dress up day on friday for DS6 I had totally forgotten about. He also made the dinner plan for the week and wrote up the shopping list in its entirety. I'm pretty lucky, but I'm also sad that this is considered being lucky because it should be the norm.

TerrorWig · 05/03/2020 11:25

My husband knew. He’s a SAHD and I refuse to carry that load as well.

However, he did nothing about it - want expecting much but he didn’t even remind the boys to get their stuff together so they were fretting at home bedtime last night.

Damntheman · 05/03/2020 11:25

He's also making ALL the dinners this week, which I am loving because he's an excellent cook! Usually though the making dinner chore is shared 50/50.

HulksPurplePanties · 05/03/2020 11:27

Sorry I realize my first post makes it sound like I'm the husband who remember things. No. I forget everything. DH remembers everything.

I'm also a person who doesn't read thoroughly.

ParkheadParadise · 05/03/2020 11:27

DH wouldn't know about world book day ,dress up or birthday parties unless I stuck a post it on his head. I doubt he would know what time nursery comes out.

He would remember dentist, doctor appointments if he was taking dd. That hardly ever happens.

Grumpos · 05/03/2020 11:29

No.
Drives me mad.

It’s selective memory - much like selective hearing

mbosnz · 05/03/2020 11:30

No one should remember world book day. If we all forget it it will go away.

I tend to agree. Yet another plague on parents!

RB68 · 05/03/2020 11:31

we use google calendar and mine is improving as he has to look at it for work so other stuff pops up.

This was driven by me having to take significant time to help out my parents up until the end of last year though. He still has a tendency to book things without consultation and "expect" his to take priority over everyone else especially with car use in a one car family

minipie · 05/03/2020 11:31

Mental load.

I think the only chance you have of getting him to remember is to ringfence some aspects of family life and say those are entirely down to him. You don’t remind, don’t provide last minute solution when he forgets etc.

I think most men are entirely capable of doing and remembering these things but it has to be made their job, if it’s not clearly their job they will leave it to you.

I would not accept “I won’t remember”. If he had a doctors appointment or a customer meeting or a night out with mates, he would put it in some sort of diary and remember. So this is no different.

I’m a SAHM so most of this does fall to me but DH manages to check the shared google calendar and knows when it’s parents’ evening, sports day etc despite a very demanding job.

RiftGibbon · 05/03/2020 11:33

DH is quite good at all this, thankfully, as he is aware that it is a part of parenting.
We use a hard copy calendar on the wall, and phone calendars are synced to one on the computer - all with audible reminders.
It frustrates me that so many men can apparently not manage to do these tasks.

SheWolfofFrance · 05/03/2020 11:35

Mine does. We have 3 kids all with various commitments and appointments but he pretty much always remembers then. At least he doesn't forget any more than I do

SarahAndQuack · 05/03/2020 11:40

My DP's excellent at this, which is good because I am rubbish. She's a she, though.

Furcoatgirl · 05/03/2020 11:47

To be honest my memory is like a sieve the last few years, I think it's overload, I used to remember everything.

But, because I know I'm forgetful I note everything down, I leave myself reminders, the fact dh cba to do this tells me he just doesn't care that much.

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 05/03/2020 11:52

Why do two people need to remember? If you want him to take responsibility for the odious WBD just tell him a couple of weeks in advance he’s sorting it out, leave him to it and let him deal with the fallout from the kids if he does nothing.

Devlesko · 05/03/2020 11:53

Me and dh are about the same on this one. Sometimes I forget and sometimes he does too.
Mostly if one forgets we remind the other, especially if it's their turn/ responsibility etc.

OvalCanvas · 05/03/2020 11:53

I'm a sahp so tend to be the one that is most aware of these things. If I feel overloaded and want my husband to take responsibility for something I just ask and be does it. Seems to be a good system.

NewNameGuy · 05/03/2020 11:54

I'm a husband who shares all this stuff.

Well in fact she does a bit more kid admin and I do more house admin.

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