To ask if anyone actually has a dh/dp that remembers?

[Furcoatgirl]

Dh and I had a row last night, it was petty really, he'd forgotten it was bloody World Book Day and then didn't have a clue what dc were supposed to be doing/wearing, even though all dates and info are emailed to both of us. Fine, who cares you might think, but it irritates me that I'm the only one who ever bothers to note these things down.

Whether it be dress up days, dentist appointments, eye-test, sorting new uniform, parents evening, literally anything the dc need to do it's all down to me.

Before anyone asks, we both work, I get home an hour earlier which I spend making dinner. I also do all pick ups and drop offs.

Last night he went to great lengths to tell me why despite receiving all email alerts from school, it would be impossible for him to note the dates down anywhere because he would be incapable of remembering to check any kind diary or calendar.

This is because of his very important job which apparently involves him driving through floods, trees falling on his vehicle and other road users running him off the road.

He does however have time to read the sports pages on his phone and watch videos. So suggested he use his phone calendar but he said he'd never be able to work out how to use it.

Why do two people need to remember? If you want him to take responsibility for the odious WBD just tell him a couple of weeks in advance he’s sorting it out, leave him to it and let him deal with the fallout from the kids if he does nothing.

This is rubbish advice, it still leaves the OP with the mental load, only two weeks earlier. Same for any other activity.

Most of these men can take up the mental load easily, after all, they wouldn't risk their jobs by forgetting. They can use those same work skills for stuff to do with DC and house.

It's simply that they don't want to do it, especially as society still bumbles along with the idea that "the wife and mother is responsible for this shit".

I know a few dads who remember this stuff, but they are all sahds or single parents with sole care. I don’t know a single couple where they are supposed to jointly share responsibility where it isn’t the mother that drives this sort of stuff (even though most of those couples would say they share it equally because the dad will do tasks required when asked to by the mum). I also know loads of mothers who work part time to facilitate their family lives but only one father.

It’s shit and it’s a significant part of what’s held me back from getting a career going again because my DH is like this and I know it will give me the rage.

I know a sahd who does. Otherwise nope.

My DH prides himself on his organisation and planning but that doesn't seem to cross over to home life.

I made sure he was added to the parent email list for school and childminder so he gets exactly the same information through as me. Even making dinner he asks me what to make. He doesn't look at it. We have a calender everything us put on too (by me).

I'm thinking of letting him know next month it all falls on him to see how that works!

If my boss had a "mental load" of jobs to do and I was supposed to guess what they are

I knew someone would pull be up on this. Principle works fine if you substitute colleague for boss.

My point is that it's hard to jointly balance a long joint to do list without any sort of division of tasks. You can't read each other's minds and know what each person will do without talking about the joint list ....

Mine, now soon to be ex. All in his diary, just incapable of remembering anything that wasn't deemed important to him. Ironically, now he no longer lives with us he remembers more as he doesn't want to miss out!

Mine is even worse. He makes comments that "we" (ie me) need to get more organised. I tell him to ftfo these days. Nicely. Without aggression.

Dh says this a lot too.

Reading a lot of these posts and lists, I realise how little dh actually does, at least without being asked or reminded.

He was tasked with getting our insurances down about 2 years ago, he still hasn't done it. He's supposed to be sorting a balance transfer on his credit card, still has t done it, it's been going on for months.

All I ever get is that he's stressed and exhausted from work and telling me how I've no idea what he's had to do.

Yes Happy you are right, colleague would be a fair comparison. I don't like the delegating boss bit because you always get those 'But just tell him what he needs to do!' comments on this type of threads. Wouldn't it be a nice easy life if I could clear my head and rely on my DH to remind me of everything house and child related?

I'm not his boss though, you'd think he'd want to take an interest in what his dc need.

Also, even if dh is tasked with doing things, he just doesn't bother half the time.

You know my husband is amazing, but he doesn’t do much of that either - if he does remember he doesn’t even act upon it he just checks with me:

‘Tunnocks, baby has a tummy ache, shall I make him a doctors appointment, can I have the doctors number, when should I book the appointment for?’

He comes homes after work every night, does bath time, plays with the kids, tidies up, does the bins all off his own back but invisible organisation like that he just doesn’t grasp.

My Dh is like this, we both get the emails yet I’m the only one who takes note and remembers.

Drives me insane, luckily this year school haven’t done dress up thankfully I’m getting fed up of shite like this

He did forget to get the stuff for packed lunch this week for a school trip so I sent him to Asda after work on his way home at midnight!!!

There was a Mum at my son's nursery today that had forgotten, all the kids were coming in dressed up and hers was wearing her normal clothes. She blamed her four year old daughter for not reminding her! - so I think you can't just blame men.

I have been known to shout "Stop using me as your brain!" at DH. He is very good at sharing the practical load but the only thing he tucks away in his head are work details. At home he has no idea what channel or day programmes he likes are on, what we had for dinner last night etc. Ask him a work related question and off he goes...