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AIBU?

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Original poster

First date - guy bringing dog

534 replies

Macaroni46 · 04/03/2020 09:02

So I've been chatting to a guy online who seems very nice etc and we have arranged to meet for the first time at the weekend.
We are going for lunch at a pub I a village half way between where we both live.
I am aware he is a dog owner and very fond of his dog. Talks about him a lot, sends pictures of him etc.
Through the course of our message exchange it transpires that he is bringing his dog to the first date. I'm not sure how I feel about this?
AIBU in feeling it's odd? Or should I just embrace it? After all, a plump middle aged woman can hardly be too choosy! Hmm

OP posts:
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8
MingVase · 04/03/2020 09:56

No. It would have been fine for him to ask, but it’s not remotely ok for him to assume he can bring his dog.

Ponoka7 · 04/03/2020 09:57

"It's a test, if the dog likes you, you're in"

I was going to say the same thing. You're on a double date, with him and his dog.

I had two dogs and enjoy walking, so I'd quite like to meet someone who had similar hobbies. I'm also middle aged.

The problem with middle aged men is that they can get stuck in their ways. You need to put any questions to him to answer any concerns that you have.

I like weekends away, concert trips, so id want to know if that would work. I equally like camping, so a dog would fit in, but I'd want to know if he'd use a cage, or just a spike etc.

A dog can limit you as much as a child, in terms of leisure, if the owner won't leave them.

MingVase · 04/03/2020 09:58

And I agree you can and should be as choosy as you want.

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/03/2020 09:58

Definitely an icebreaker and a filler for any awkward silences. The family cat is basically the medium through which my brothers and I have a relationship when we visit our parents, we are not close and have little to say to each other but can always mess with and laugh at the cat when it gets awkward Grin

I wouldn’t date a man with a dog because they basically require much the same commitment and attention as a child and my lifestyle just isn’t geared up for the responsibility and compromise. But if you like dogs and have chosen to go in a date with a man who has one I think it’s actually pretty lovely he’s bringing it.

ChicCroissant · 04/03/2020 09:59

No, I wouldn't like that either - are you going to end up sitting outside the pub for lunch because he's got the dog?

Scooping poop is not my idea of a date! Don't hesitate to be choosy and as the PP said, is it going to limit what you can do because he won't leave the dog?

BorneoBabe · 04/03/2020 10:00

Owners come attached to their dogs. It would be much odder for him not to bring it.

Um, no it wouldn't.

OP - I like dogs and I think it's weird. Especially if he didn't ask first. Lots of people are afraid of dogs, allergic, or plain just don't like them.

SirVixofVixHall · 04/03/2020 10:00

I would think that was a huge plus. I love dogs and I like men who care about animals.
If he is used to taking his dog out to pubs etc, then the dog will be well behaved and probably just snooze under the table.

amusedbush · 04/03/2020 10:00

Maybe he is bringing the dog to get a second opinion about you.

100% - I wouldn't trust anyone my dog didn't like!

MingVase · 04/03/2020 10:00

And yes to everything @Ponoka7 said. A dog can severely limit your life.

SirVixofVixHall · 04/03/2020 10:00

Much better than a man who would leave his dog indoors alone for hours .

AnneKipanki · 04/03/2020 10:03

If you are not a dog person do not bother with the date.

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/03/2020 10:03

And perhaps he already has a good feeling about you and doesn’t want to have to cut the date short after a couple of hours if you’re really getting on to get back to his dog. I think he’s probably thought about this a bit.

Herpesfreesince03 · 04/03/2020 10:04

I absolutely adore dogs, but I wouldn’t like this at all. The lack of consideration of not even asking if you minded him bringing a dog to a dinner date (and a first one at that) says to me he puts his dogs feelings above everyone else. I know people like this who point blank refuse to leave their dogs at home for any length of time. That means no nights out, lovely days away because they’re not dog friendly, and certainly no holidays abroad. I’d be worried that he’s one of these since it probably hasn’t even crossed his mind that his first date may want to actually spend the date with him and not his dog

Eddielzzard · 04/03/2020 10:04

Yes, if you're a dog person, this is fine. It'll be you, him and his dog, always.

overnightangel · 04/03/2020 10:05

Wouldn’t be for me at all, I’d hate the presumption.

MingVase · 04/03/2020 10:05

Agreed, @Herpesfreesince03. I should say I love dogs too, so it’s not from any dislike of them. I think it’s inconsiderate of the guy not not ask.

Icecreamdiva · 04/03/2020 10:06

I suppose it’s a good test for a first date. If you don’t warm to the dog then there is probably no future in this for the two of you.

And a country pub is a dog appropriate environment. It would be different if you were going to a Michelin starred restaurant or the cinema.

ginghamstarfish · 04/03/2020 10:06

Good at least that he's been upfront about the dog ... would be a deal breaker for me so wouldn't get to the dating stage!

sarahjconnor · 04/03/2020 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuckingDieselFella · 04/03/2020 10:07

Love me, love my dog, is what he's saying.

They come as a package.

79andnotout · 04/03/2020 10:07

I would definitely take my (better) behaved dog on a first date. It would relieve some of the awkwardness and be a good test of compatibility. I have four pets so better to root out the ones who couldn't cope with that early on! Would totally understand if someone thought that was not on, though, and cancelled the date.

TheOrigBrave · 04/03/2020 10:10

After all, a plump middle aged woman can hardly be too choosy!

I realise that might have been said tongue in cheek, but I have to disagree. Everyone has the right to be as choosy as they like.

If you're not comfortable with your date bringing his dog then that's fine.

I'm not really a dog person, but I think generally people who own dogs are caring and kind so I'd think it was nice he wanted to bring it along.

Original poster
Macaroni46 · 04/03/2020 10:13

Thank you so much for all your replies.
I think it's the fact he didn't ask me about it, just presumed I'd be ok and that it could've been a total surprise that the dog was coming - it only came out during a conversation.

I think he should have asked me.
He also made it clear he doesn't like cats and is allergic to them when I asked about cats. I don't have one at present but was thinking of getting one but I suppose if I get on with the dog, I can share him!
I'm now wondering if I should say something to him along the lines of I wish you'd asked me first? But more tactfully of course ... any draft texts from fellow posters gratefully received

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 04/03/2020 10:13

I agree that he's giving you the "doggy test" at the first meeting, if the pooch doesn't wag its tail at you then you won't get a second date.
But it will also give you a chance to measure up the man and his dog, does he feed the dog from his plate, etc etc.
Taking on a man & his dog is a big commitment, and the dog will affect your life style, for instance holidays, so there is a lot for you to consider.

Costacoffeeplease · 04/03/2020 10:15

If you say you wish he’d asked first you might as well tell him you’ve changed your mind. It’s not setting the date up on a very good footing

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