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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partners ( very new partner”

79 replies

Jimineycricket · 03/03/2020 23:20

So my husband walked out on us in October. He blamed my spending for it. Things have been ok ish ( apart from him buying a brand new bmw, taking all our savings and moving with his parents. Anyway the other day I overheard a young 20 something discussing her boyfriend ( giving my partners name and a few other bits which confirm its my husband. She then said “ I haven’t met his kids yet as they’ll go running telling tales to their mum” I am fuming and so so hurt. Would I be unreasonable to unleash hell on my husband?8

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 03/03/2020 23:22

No, I would be furious.

lilmishap · 03/03/2020 23:23

A little bit unreasonable....But you'd get away with it, and who cares if it makes you feel better?

Did she mention how long?

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/03/2020 23:24

Do you think she was the real reason he left? He sounds despicable.

Friendsofmine · 03/03/2020 23:25

I always say judge a man by how he talks about his ex. I wonder if this has come from him. Tales such as Dads got a new girlfriend and they just magically met at Christmas?!

CalleighDoodle · 03/03/2020 23:25

Ive voted yabu because better to keep quiet and watch his behaviour and lies. Nothing to be gained from speaking out.

lilmishap · 03/03/2020 23:26

Hang on, how did he get the savings?

Yeah I'd be going medieval maniac on him tbh.

Friendsofmine · 03/03/2020 23:26

Oh yes and of course I'd be furious too!

Original poster

Jimineycricket · 03/03/2020 23:28

I don’t know. She was giggling to her mate about how she doesn’t like his name but was going to call him his middle name but it’s his dads name so can’t.. apparently he’s told her she’s stunning, he’s besotted with her etc etc. It feels like I ve been kicked in the stomach. And that they are trying to see my kids without me finding out. Feels like they are laughing at me.

OP posts:

letsdolunch321 · 03/03/2020 23:29

BMW and a young 20 something .... Is he having a mid life crisis?

I would be fuming he has taken the savings !!

DropYourSword · 03/03/2020 23:31

Taking all the savings is unforgivable and needs to be sorted.

But you can’t “unleash hell” on him for being with someone else.

lilmishap · 03/03/2020 23:31

Can you engineer another run in with her? or is that a bit stalkery...

Original poster

Jimineycricket · 03/03/2020 23:32

He took them as “ I can’t be trusted with them” I ve messaged him telling him to get the f*k out of my Life and I. Never wants to see him again.

OP posts:

Geepipe · 03/03/2020 23:36

Oh op thats awful. You definitely need to get some legal advice re the savings as thats awful. She sounds petty and very immature. Laughing at his name with her mates etc shows this isnt going to be a long term relationship.

lilmishap · 03/03/2020 23:37

What a cunt! Is she being kept quiet for divorce purposes?

KC225 · 04/03/2020 03:58

'you overheard a young 20 something discussing her new boyfriend' and it turned out to your ex husband? How does that happen?

Kirkman · 04/03/2020 04:48

Where did you happen to over hear a converstation in such detail, randomly.

Do you know her?

Which part is it, that has you angry?
That she thinks your kids will tell you? That he met someone else?

What do you mean he left because of your spending? And cant be trusted?
Theres so much missing.

Kirkman · 04/03/2020 04:51

Is she being kept quiet for divorce purposes?

Why? Adultery wether before of after separation, doesnt impact divorce at all. Solicitors highly recommend not divorcing on grounds of divorce as well. Its messy, long winded and takes quote a bit of proof.

Toomanygerbils · 04/03/2020 05:02

Op where did you overhear this very detailed and personal conversation in a public place naming his first, middle and surname? Lucky you happened to be in just the right place at the right time and within hearing distance... It sounds far more likely to be honest that you have access to his texts or social media messages (most likely if you knew his password)

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 04/03/2020 05:10

There's a lot missing from this story it seems.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 04/03/2020 05:16

Would it bother you if she was 40?
Let's be honest he can say all these things to her as an excuse to not introduce her to the kids. Yes he's berating you but he's doing the right thing in keeping his sex life away from his children.

Were you hoping you'd get back together?

TheFastandTheCurious · 04/03/2020 05:23

How convenient that you were in exactly the right place at the right time!

Unhomme · 04/03/2020 06:08

I think YABU. His new relationship isn't really your concern and she hasn't met your children yet - the reason given is they'll tell you and presumably they don't think you will take it very well. I can see why if you're going to unleash hell just for this.

Start moving on with your life, but also get your finances in order and get anything he's taken from you back.

strawberry2017 · 04/03/2020 06:25

You should be the one laughing, at the fact she has to put up with him now.
I understand you are still hurt but look at what a lucky escape you have had.
Any man who does things like this, slagging of the mother of his children to someone he barely knows- taking all your savings - isn't worth having.
Good luck to her is what I say, sounds like she's going to need it.
You can have a fabulous life, do the things you want to do without having him there. Take your time to enjoy your life and see this as a fabulous fresh start.

Fifthtimelucky · 04/03/2020 07:06

The savings thing clearly needs to be sorted out.

Is he seeing the children on his own? If not, that needs to be sorted out too. He has a right to see them. She doesn't obviously.

whiskeylullaby2 · 04/03/2020 07:13

How did this happen ? Do you know the woman? Or just randomly overheard in a coffee shop ? You could have got this completely wrong if it was just a random person ?

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