AIBU to say ILs will have to wait for summer to see DC

[randomsabreuse]

My ILs had agreed to look after the DC for me to do some volunteering this weekend.

They have decided instead to self isolate because Corona. We have no cases in our county and don't know anyone who went out of the UK at half term...

AIBU to say that they therefore will need to wait until 14 days after the summer holidays have started to see the DC (Easter holidays are too short) because clearly DC won't be any safer between now and then...

I bloody hate letting people down with minimal notice!

YANBU

They're planning on self isolating until it is over. On line shopping, not going to church etc.

They are old enough to be at risk, I don't deny that, but is the current risk really high enough to justify stopping living your life for however long it takes?

Is existing in solitude without your children and grandchildren (other than on Skype) and without your church community worth it in the current (UK) situation.

I do think there will be a lot more cases appearing in the UK over the next few months - but being careful, washing hands, avoiding public transport (they have a car) and avoiding crowded events should be enough even if relatively vulnerable.

I suspect they might be paranoid enough to try to avoid visiting a Dr when they should because of Corona risks - putting themselves at more risk of other normal medical issues.

They are a bit odd on a few issues but generally a good thing for the DC to have them around. I find them annoying at times, DH agrees but has more practice at being Zen about their oddities!

I'm very glad most people aren't making similar choices or the entire infrastructure of the country would be falling apart.

My volunteering is skilled, but non-essential. Does have some paid opportunities and helps with my sense of identity as I hate being at home with the DC (DH job not easy to work around without commuter belt levels of childcare - hence relocation). Nothing I do is important.

Your ILs are worried about catching Coronavirus, that's understandable. It's mean of you to get all huffy and restrict access to their grandchildren because of that. They're not doing it to piss you off.

We've got a travel ban at work now (large international business). That includes all meetings out of the office. Makes sense. The less people moving about = the less chance the Coronovirus has of spreading. I think your ILs are being sensible.

I'm very glad most people aren't making similar choices or the entire infrastructure of the country would be falling apart.
Well said OP. It is selfish of them

I would be concerned about their wellbeing tbh - would your DH chat to his parents to find out why they think this is a rational decision? To be so frightened at the moment would worry me more than being let down.

Presumably, they are retired? So how is it selfish?

They worked when they had to, they are now elderly (or older), are worried and in a position of self-isolating. No one is suffering because of them, why shouldn't they?

If I had a remote farm with enough supplies I might consider doing the same. Just because you or I have a life that currently doesn't make for isolation doesn't mean others like them shouldn't.

I'm very glad most people aren't making similar choices or the entire infrastructure of the country would be falling apart

Most people will get the virus and have no serious issues though, so no need to make similar choices.

However if you are elderly or vulnerable, why take any undue risks?

I get where you’re coming from, OP. It’s not logically consistent to refuse to see the children now due to risk of the virus but then be happy to see them when the virus is more widespread in the coming weeks and months when the risks would be greater if anything.

Unfortunately logic comes at a premium with some folk. I know it’s bad but I’d be tempted to do a wide-eyed ‘but we thought you were self-isolating!’ if they moan about you not visiting at Easter.

YWNBU to point out to them that their current plan would mean not seeing their grandkids until summer.
YW also NBU not to make any plans with them until they get over their paranoia because they’ll most likely fall through. I get the feeling that this is what you mean as opposed to banning them from seeing the grandchildren no matter what until summer which seems to be what many posters have understood from your thread.

@tinklylittlelaugh

Plenty of people who are "vulnerable" work in relatively important roles. People who have recovered from cancer, people with scarred lungs from previous pneumonia etc. Most of the risk is minimised with basic hygiene and reasonable precautions, not hiding out in your suburban house.

Isolation is not good for mental health. Barely going out would be bad for physical health and make a hospital admission (fall, loss of control of diabetes) more likely both increasing strain on resources and rendering all the effort of isolating yourself totally pointless!

The person (who likely has no right to sick pay) picking or delivering your online shop could be brewing coronavirus.

I'm probably less pissed off now - just worried that they've not really thought things through and that they will regret the decision when we're 6 hours away and can't visit easily.

I have also written them off as "useful" childcare. Restricts some future plans but much better to say no at the start than let people down!

'Nothing I do is important'

That's such a sad phrase you used, OP. Many things you do are important- obviously raising your DCs is important, and supporting your DH to be able to work is important.
If this event is important to you, is there another way to manage it? DH have the DC while you go?

I think you need to get some more support in place, preferably from your DH, so you can do things you want to do more consistently.

If not, try not to fret. This stage of life with all its restrictions doesn't last forever- it just feels like it at the time!

Retired people staying at home will not cause the 'entire infrastructure of the UK to fall apart'. Jesus wept. Avoiding non-essential travel won't either.

You're punishing them for not doing what you want them to do. They feel safer this way, presumably they are older so more at risk than you. It only takes one case for it to then be in your county, how many cases are needed before you take them seriously

If 1 set of retired people stay at home - correct the UK will be fine. However if many relatively active retired people decide to stay at home the economies of certain towns (Torbay area especially) might well suffer. Also garden centres, small shops without an online presence, independent cafes etc in areas with a strongly aging population might just find themselves with no cash to pay the rent if their regular customers are huddled up at home...

If they stop helping with regular childcare (of the type that allows many parents to work rather than my specific example) then people in essential industries might well have to give up work.

Isolating until it's over could take years surely?

Last I read (I'm not following it like crazy so could be wrong) there was talk of being able to get it more than once because you don't get immunity to it?

And what if the Tesco driver has it anyway?!

Yep, of course vulnerable people should risk their lives to keep the local garden centre in business.

Or maybe adults should look at the stats and evaluate their own risk, and make their own choices, without others decrying them for it.

You're punishing them for not doing what you want them to do I read it as she is thinking ahead and will help protect them in summer... her kids will still be a risk factor then!

There is no 'winning' this one! But OP has no need to like the behaviour of her ILs, or to deal tih it, her DH can do that. He can also explain to their DC that his DPs are worried about the corona virus and help them undertsand why their GPs are staing indoors until it i over... whenever that might be!

Yep, of course vulnerable people should risk their lives to keep the local garden centre in business. Did you mean to reduce the lives of the elderly to garden centres? Nasty!

Obviously people should make their own decisions, but let's not brush companies (garden centres or whatever else) going out of business aside as nothing to worry about.

It seems mad to isolate yourself for an unknown amount of time. It could be a very long time before it passes.

They're planning on self isolating until it is over.

😲

They better stock up on vitamin D then 😬

I get you, OP. You are only following their reasoning. It's quite logical if that is their belief.
On one hand they are reducing CV risk, on other hand they are increasing risk of becoming inactive and suffering a fall.
Have they not seen the news where all these people who have been kept in hospital / hotel / cruise ship etc have been going bonkers desperate to be released? They might make it for a week or two, but their MH is going to suffer.

They're batshit.

My inlaws have cancelled a proposed cruise. Partly because FIL is in a very high risk group due to age and underlying medical conditions, and partly because they didn't want to risk being cooped up on a ship in quarantine. I can see where they're coming from.

But cutting yourself off from the entire work is mental.

They better stock up on vitamin D then
why? Self-isolating doesn't mean disappearing in a cave.