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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say ILs will have to wait for summer to see DC

121 replies

randomsabreuse · 03/03/2020 10:48

My ILs had agreed to look after the DC for me to do some volunteering this weekend.

They have decided instead to self isolate because Corona. We have no cases in our county and don't know anyone who went out of the UK at half term...

AIBU to say that they therefore will need to wait until 14 days after the summer holidays have started to see the DC (Easter holidays are too short) because clearly DC won't be any safer between now and then...

I bloody hate letting people down with minimal notice!

OP posts:
Pilot12 · 03/03/2020 11:31

The Government is expecting an increase in the number of Coronavirus cases in the coming weeks and months so they'll still need to be in isolation at Easter if they want to avoid it.

Are you sure it's not just an excuse to get out of this weekend?

saraclara · 03/03/2020 11:32

So are they afraid of giving something to the kids, or catching something from them? And are they isolating themselves from everyone, or just your kids?

Original poster
randomsabreuse · 03/03/2020 11:32

Won't be asking them again, no worries!

Live 2 hours away so they were happy to see and look after DC while I volunteer locally to them.

They are often neurotic and influenced by scare stories.

At the moment we are in a rural area with few international contacts. Our absolute risk of transmitting corona to them is currently the lowest it will be for a long time.

Yes I am pissed off that they have decided to let me down, but I would absolutely not have expected them to look after the DC if I thought the risk to them was any more than at any other time we visit them in winter.

OP posts:
GreenLeaf88 · 03/03/2020 11:32

Your plan for retaliation against them wanting to protect their health is very very weird. Hire a babysitter and do your little volunteering.

ChicCroissant · 03/03/2020 11:34

I doubt they need to self-isolate, but I also doubt that you need to be so vengeful and stop your children seeing them because you can't do what you wanted to at the weekend.

Would you be happy if your children took that stance with you in a few years, OP?

picklemewalnuts · 03/03/2020 11:35

Just point out it's their choice, but it will get much worse before it gets better so you wont see them for a while.

Damntheman · 03/03/2020 11:35

They're being a bit nutters, although fear is understandable in this current climate.

Your proposal though sounds very petty OP. Don't do it, the children will miss out, and you will probably also miss out of potential babysitting opportunities when they come out of self isolation.

nicky7654 · 03/03/2020 11:36

There are 19 confirmed cases so far but frankly that is really nothing to worry about.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/03/2020 11:37

I get it. They have let you down with short notice because they have been scared by all the media hype.

You are right! In order to accommodate their fears, baseless or not, you will have to isolate your kids for a fortnight at the end of term. Seems utterly ludicrous but best you think about it now. Tell them that you will not be isolating your kids, ask them what they want to do about the summer holidays!

Put the decision firmly in their laps! Hopefully they will see more sense!

IceColdCat · 03/03/2020 11:37

I don't understand. Surely if they're self isolating they won't want to see the DC anyway until this has blown over - it's not a question of you telling them they'll need to wait - that will be their choice? No?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/03/2020 11:38

do your little volunteering. Excellent sneer there, well done!

Slowslowlavaflow · 03/03/2020 11:38

Hi OP. I understand what you are saying, though it seems many others either do not, or are not reading your explanations. You are essentially saying that your ILs are self-isolating for their own safety, so if they carry on with the self-isolation, it would only be right that you dont let your DCs put them in any risk they clearly are trying to avoid. This therefore means, not passing on school acquired germs, bacteria, and viruses, whether it be coronavirus or otherwise. Waiting 2 weeks after school has ended and you are sure your children have not contracted anything sinister is the right approach. It is sad for your ILs, but it is their choice to self-isolate, and you are not gonna put them in further unnecessary risk. This is something you certainly should discuss with them. It is their health that is of concern here.

Umberta · 03/03/2020 11:40

FWIW I don't think your suggestion is petty OP. It's just accepting that you can't shake them from their delusions. They want to self isolate, that will have to be until your kids' "risk" of infection has dropped - which, as you say, is during the summer. The only alternative would be to isolate them from school themselves so they could see their DGPs. And, yes, they are much better in school learning science than visiting their tin foil hat wearing DGPs. No sympathy for them whatsoever.

Umberta · 03/03/2020 11:41

(No sympathy for the silly grandparents I mean, who won't take the trouble to inform themselves sensibly of NHS guidance)

Umberta · 03/03/2020 11:43

You don't want your kids influenced by that kind of neuroticism. Go low contact for the sake of your kids' sanity and good learning

czechitout · 03/03/2020 11:43

If they're self isolating to protect themselves then I think they need to be isolated till whole the coronavirus epidemic is over. Otherwise they risk getting sick anyway.
So you might tell them also 'see you in few months'.

Original poster
randomsabreuse · 03/03/2020 11:43

Volunteering is a weekend thing vaguely local to them. Not local to me. Can't hire a babysitter for the entire period. Organisation are ok with it, I'm the one that's grumpy.

Drip feed - we are actually moving further away from them at Easter. So if they don't see DC now/at Easter (Can't see risk being any less by then!) the next opportunity will actually be the summer holidays

So it's a combination of a strop and basic logical consequences...

OP posts:
ChicCroissant · 03/03/2020 11:44

We have read the OP's first post with her explanation slowslow, but it's up to the in-laws how long they want to isolate themselves and not the OP.

sonjadog · 03/03/2020 11:46

I can understand why you are so annoyed with them, but I think your consequencies are maybe a bit too petty. I think I would leave mentioning the details of the summer holidays at the moment. Just say it is a shame and that you hope they will be able to meet sometime in the summer.

Slowslowlavaflow · 03/03/2020 11:47

**ChicCroissant
Indeed, which is why she needs to discuss it with them.

Antipodeancousin · 03/03/2020 11:48

I get it, they’re being completely irrational and not actually listening to good advice. I would simply send them a link to something up to date from a reputable source and let them know you’ll be organising alternative holiday care in the future because you can’t be let down at the last minute like this.
Any chance they didn’t actually want to look after DC and this is just as excuse?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/03/2020 11:52

I think your consequencies are maybe a bit too petty. OP is looking ahead to the summer and considering the possible consequences. In order for her ILs to feel safe / comfortable she would have to isolate her kids.... a conversation with ILs now would be a good idea. Get everyone in the same page, avoid any misunderstandings later.

it's up to the in-laws how long they want to isolate themselves and not the OP. Which is why OP should talk them now... let them know that she won't be isolating her kids at the beginning of their summer holdiay! Then they can decide what they want to do!

OP may be annoyed with them, who wouldn't be. But, given their behaviour, their fears, she has to do something... or it just snowballs into mayhem later in the year!

Bringringbring12 · 03/03/2020 11:52

Why are you being horrible op?

It’s disappointing, yes.

But presumably they love their GC and wanted to spend time with them. Hence the arrangement in place. They’re old and clearly less of a sense of perspective - that can happen as you age (and indeed any age!). So don’t cut your nose off to spite your face; deny your DC access; and punish your in-laws for being concerned about when health

Porcupineinwaiting · 03/03/2020 11:54

I can see why you are annoyed and I do think they are being alarmist. However, I can tell you that, when viewed through the lens of older age, Corona virus looks considerably more threatening. The "no need to worry if you're young and healthy" is less than reassuring if you are over 60 and maybe not .

Welshwabbit · 03/03/2020 11:58

OP I would point out to them that the risk of the kids passing anything on to them this weekend is probably lower than it will be for the next few months once the virus spreads further. I would not put any pressure on them (statistically the virus affects older people more severely than younger people), but just gently say that the risk from seeing their grandchildren, who I'm sure they love, will increase not decrease as the year goes on. Then it is up to them to make the choice.

My parents came to London to look after my kids over half term. I thought any risk to them was low but I gave them the option not to come (which they declined and came anyway!) because they are more vulnerable than me, particularly my father, who had cancer last year.