To ask how you refer to 'half siblings'

[Overcomplicated]

Aware I'm going to be flamed by perfect MNetters but....
I have 5 DC. Oldest 3 born within a year to childhood sweetheart/first husband. He fucked off, never to be seen again.
DC4 was a result of a 1 night stand. Contraceptive failure, father not involved. Total blessing.
DC5 is result of 2nd marriage. They all refer to themselves as siblings. 'I have x brothers and x sisters'
They're all recognised the same within the family.
DC4 age 9 (SEN) came home from school on Friday extremely upset because a teaching assistant had referred to DC5 age 4 as his 'half sister'
For context, DC5 is mixed race. All 5 are aware of different parentage. I've just never made it a big deal.
AIBU to think I get to label our family relationship, not some random TA?

It’s sister in my house. There are no halves. I think TA was wrong and should have listened to how DC referred to siblings and used the same wording.

YANBU to feel that but the reality is that they do have a different father so are only half siblings.

My sons refer to my DSS as their brother but know the ‘correct’ term is half brother.

If they’re talking about family trees in school then they are learning about the correct words to use. I’m sorry your son was upset but he’s going to get this his entire life.

My brothers and sisters.

I have three children by two husbands. They would also be offended if someone said something along the lines of “Your half sister..”

Just mention to the school that you just use brother/sister. I had to mention the same when a teacher consistently referred to DS1's step-Mum and step-siblings. Technically true, but his Mummy died when he was a toddler and he was at a point where belonging was important.

It won't be done out of malice, a lot of families use half-sister/half-brother so they'll stick to factual relationships unless asked otherwise

Agreed, my brothers are my brothers, half brother and step brother, makes no difference to anything practically speaking.

Of course you get to choose. But they probably just made an innocent mistake. It WOULD be an issue if they tried to insist on how your kids refer to their siblings but it doesn’t sound like that happened here.

I have no personal family experience but there were half siblings in DD’s primary and they always were called/ called themselves brothers and sisters. This TA completely overstepped boundaries. It’s not her business at all, as far as she concerned DC5 is DC4’s sister. I can’t imagine the context in which such fine details were relevant.

I just call my half sister my sister, because she is and that's what all our family and everyone else refers to us as. We have obviously always known we have different dad's but shes my sister.
I remember someone said something similar to me when I was about 5 and I had no idea what they were talking about, I was so confused because no one had ever called us half sister's before, my lovely sister had to explain it!

Bizarre for the TA to refer to half sibling terminology. I would bring it up with the school. I can't see why she would make reference to it. I am usually laid back but this doesn't seem right.

My 4 just refer to themselves as brothers. They know what the term half brothers is but none of them ever refer to themselves as half brothers

3 kids, 2 husbands. We don't refer to 'half' at all. Older 2 are aware of how it works, youngest wouldn't understand the term but gets that he has a different dad.

Would she have emphasised the difference if your DC were the same race?

Possibly...

But also possibly not

It's worth speaking to the class teacher/head regardless I'd say

Overtones of structural racism...

TA is probably completely unaware of the effects of her ill informed terminology.
This is a brilliant opportunity for you to do something positive and talk to the school so that she can be enlightened.This will benefit lots of children in the school as well as your own.

My children are sisters. If anyone referred to them as half I'd be really annoyed as they just see themselves as sisters.

In 1960's number of siblings was being used to calculate/explain averages at primary school; divorce and blended families a lot less common then. I proudly announced that I had one and a half; the teacher politely said I didn't/couldn't, I mulishly objected.
Big beams and "I told you so" when the average family size was calculated as 2.5 children. When he came along, I tried to claim my sisters' brother, as a quarter brother - confused everyone.

Generally I refer to my half sister as my sister, unless it gets complicated (eg talking about her Father).

Overcomplicated

There is no such thing as a perfect MNnetter.

Step/half siblings are just referred to as sisters and brothers in my experience. As for step mothers, there is one in my family and she is just referred to as the Mrs Wicked. Family joke and everyone gets it.

We have need made any distinction between the DCs. They know DS1 and DS2 have different fathers but it doesn't mean they aren't brother a sister.
When I was with my second DH (been married 3times) no1 son's class did a family tree thing at school. His teacher said " but you won't have any baby pictures because you're adopted" in front of the whole class! Then Dh had adopted him.

I never ever say my half brother, he's my brother and that's it.

That's understandably upsetting for your DC, I'd let the TA know that she has upset your child and to just say brother or sister in future.

I'd be really pissed off to be honest.

How fucking dare she!

She completely overstored the mark, I would complain. How did she even know they were half siblings, because one is a different colour? How fucking dare she! So if one of your kids was adopted, how would she label them? Honest people like her shouldn't be working with children.

I'm angry on your behalf!!!

I have emailed the school and will be speaking to them tomorrow. Don't mean to drip feed but kids have same surname and DH is named as parent on all forms etc.
'half' could only have been construed by skin colour

No halves here either. There is a huge difference between the social and family relationships of children raised together, and genetic connections which are only seldom relevant in certain medical situations etc.

Hugely insensitive of the TA, and borderline racist. I'd be writing a sternly-worded letter to the school.

I use different terms depending on who I'm talking to.

When my dad first told me and DB that his new wife was expecting, his opening line was, "Do you know what a half-brother or half-sister is?". We weren't sure but kind of guessed, and he told us we'd be getting one very soon. So we always thought of and referred to them as such. They didn't feel like siblings to us, especially as they lived quite far from us, and there was no attempt to integrate us that I can recall.

So I guess, like you would prefer, my DF decided what the relationship would be called, although I make an effort to drop the "half" part these days as it seems so distant and formal. Unless it's someone who's likely to say, "I thought you only had a brother" when I refer to a sister, which happens quite a lot. Then the "half" makes it clear why they've never heard of them before.

Well done for emailing and I hope it goes well for you tomorrow.
Since you have emailed the school they will have a heads up on your concerns and will “ get their ducks in a row” to quote a phrase.
Don’t lose sight of the original point that TA used an archaic and offensive term which has caused upset to you and your family, stay calm and put your point across as politely as you can, it might help to note down the most important things, just in case emotions take over and you feel a bit overwhelmed.
Remember you are doing this for your children.

It seems a race issue OP, particularly with your update. But even if it wasn't and they were all the same race, the TA has acted ignorantly and it needs to be addressed. I'd never go around calling a child's sibling their "adopted sister", so why would you pointedly refer to "half sister" when talking to the child themselves. It's very inappropriate and I can see why it's upsetting for your son.

Hopefully your discussion with the school is constructive.