To ask how you refer to 'half siblings'

[Overcomplicated]

Aware I'm going to be flamed by perfect MNetters but....
I have 5 DC. Oldest 3 born within a year to childhood sweetheart/first husband. He fucked off, never to be seen again.
DC4 was a result of a 1 night stand. Contraceptive failure, father not involved. Total blessing.
DC5 is result of 2nd marriage. They all refer to themselves as siblings. 'I have x brothers and x sisters'
They're all recognised the same within the family.
DC4 age 9 (SEN) came home from school on Friday extremely upset because a teaching assistant had referred to DC5 age 4 as his 'half sister'
For context, DC5 is mixed race. All 5 are aware of different parentage. I've just never made it a big deal.
AIBU to think I get to label our family relationship, not some random TA?

Weird, I had this this week. I suspect it came from ex H although I cant prove it.

DC6 (8) said A, B, C, are my half sisters and D & E are my half brothers. I said that they werent, unless she thought she was their half sister. She said that she wasnt, so I said ok then you are all just brothers and sisters arent you? Luckily, that one passed unnoticed by her, but I am worried it will rear its head again.

FWIW, DD is the only child by my recent ex H and is also mixed race........

All my siblings are 'half-siblings'. They are still my siblings though.
I have quite a complex family structure so had to draw a diagram for my Dad, younger siblings etc,
Funnily enough, none of us has step-siblings however we do have a massive string of 'half-siblings' and all are friendly and close - including parents & step parents!
I have to say that I love how crazy our family is!

I see people get really quite worked up over this and actually nasty towards people who do make the distinction of half-siblings within their own families. My DD has an older sibling, they do not live in the same house, they share a father. She hardly sees this older child, in about eight years they have seen each other 5 times and we both have no issue saying that they're half-siblings. I think its viewed differently within certain families if all the half-siblings live with each other.

We just call each other siblings unless one of get into a detailed discussion about biology with someone where we may mention that we are technically half siblings as we have different fathers but that we don't recognise the half. We grew up in the same house and share a mother though so that may make a difference.

Children who grow up close and have a lot of contact tend to talk about siblings rather than half siblings unless there is a specific reason to mention the half.

People I know who only share a father and the separate "sets" of children grow up in distinctly different households and family units (especially if there is not a lot of contact) in my experience do see the half label more and use it more in their descriptions.

Of course it doesn't actually matter what other families do, in your family your children do not really acknowledge or think the half applies to their relationship so that is how they should be treated!

We all say sisters, we all know technically it's 'half sisters', but it's never used.

I did mean to finish my post with, we are just sisters/brothers or our sisters brother or what-have-you.

So for eg, my sisters brothers brother is a brilliant musician and really wanted to talk to my Dad (many times removed) but they play the same instrument professionally. Quite impressive and important I think.

Yes, I think half-sister or half-brother is perfectly fine if they don't live together. My dd has a half-sister that only saw every four years and my dgd has a half-brother she has never met.

But when children are brought up together it is a totally different kettle of fish.

I have 3 half sisters and one half brother. Most people who know me think that I’m an only child, as I was brought up as one. I didn’t see my siblings much, occasionally as a child and then not until our Dad died and their Mum died a few years later.

Since then we’ve seen each other several times a year to celebrate Birthdays. I do describe them as my half sisters and half brother because if I say brother and sisters people are surprised or don’t believe me. So it’s just easier to say that my Dad was married before he met my Mum and then explain if they want to know more.

One of my half sisters has the same Christian name as me so that just makes the whole thing even more confusing. My Maternal Nan has the same name as me and as I was my Mum's only child and she was determined that I had to have that name.

I can't imagine calling my brother my half brother! I do feel closer to my 'full' sibling but that is because she is my sister and much closer in age and we went through parents divorce etc together. My brother is much younger and of a different generation but he is still my brother.

Sister and brother; DSD may have a different mum but that doesn’t mean the sibling relationship is any less and anyone who uses the phrase half sibling is swiftly corrected. If it’s relevant to explain that DSD isn’t mine then I’ll either say she has a different mum or that she’s my husbands older child

My 3 consider themselves brothers although DS1 is technically half. They are aware of the technicality but would all be hurt to use it - it seems very othering in a household where they are all raised together. I also refer to DS1’s siblings by his dad as sister and brother and never mention half despite it seeming an incomparably different relationship as DS1 has grown up in an entirely different household to those siblings, has not seen them for a couple of years and has been brought up by my DH like DS2 and DS3 and not by his dad!

I have 3 brothers and a sister from my mums first marriage, their dad died. My mum remarried and they had me, I’m in my late 20s now and they’ve never been half siblings to me, they’re just my brothers and sister, it’s so weird when people call them half siblings, it makes me feel sad, they’ve never been half siblings to me, we were all raised together.

I have 5 half siblings and 4 step siblings, but was brought up as an only child and have never lived with any of them.

For that reason, I’ve always explained them as half/step, more for clarification purposes than anything else.

In your situation, I think it was an unnecessary statement and it should be addressed. It’s absolutely not on for anyone to determine how individual families label their family members.

my siblings are my half siblings but each others full siblings. we always refer to ourselves as sisters, never half sisters and i get offended when people refer to them as my half sisters. they both say that they don’t feel any different about me as they do about each other and i wouldn’t love them anymore if they were my full siblings. my dc will also be half siblings but that doesn’t even cross my mind, they are just as much brother and sister as full siblings would be.

I would not be happy at all if a teacher or school staff “corrected” my child about this. My friend refers to her cousin as her sister because the cousin came to live with them for 10 years but wasn’t legally adopted. Why would it be anyone else’s place to say that’s not her sister unless it’s for a legal matter.

You are right, it is your choice how you refer to each other, but perhaps there is some context to the situation, eg another child might have asked why DC5 doesn't look like DC4 and the TA was explaining that they are half-siblings.

Sorry your child was upset, but as PPs have pointed out this will probably be the first time of many that this crops up, so just be explain that different people use different labels and that he is related to ALL of DC5, not just a half of her.

I have three older half siblings who I barely know and they aren't even my siblings, I've never been part of their family. Siblings live in the same house as children in my experience but if my children had half siblings they'd all be siblings

I refer to my half-brother as brother almost all the time but when explaining my family to someone, rather than just referring to one of them, I would say "half-brother", because that makes it clearer and helps distinguish between my brothers.

While I agree you get to "label" your family, you don't get to change definitions and there may have been context in which the TA's assertion was appropriate. Though, obviously, your DS shouldn't have been left upset by the discussion, so something did not go well.

DS has always considered his brothers from his dad's first marriage to be his brothers. They think of him likewise, as their little brother. No halves in our house.

I have 3 siblings all are half to me but I have never thought of them as anything but my sister /brother. If someone asked about my family I'd explain who's got a different dad or mum but I'd never think or call them half.

I don't understand all this half nonsense. They aren't half a sibling. They share DNA through either your mother or father and are therefore your sibling but with a different mother/father. No need to say half. I think it's rediciolous. You don't have half a parent so why half a sibling.

I don't think I have ever referred to my sisters as half sisters. I don't even tell people they have s different dad unless the conversation is relevant.

My eldest Dd has a different dad, I am with younger DCs dad. When we have been out together and someone has mistaken DP as eldests dad she just nods and smiles. She still sees her dad and speaks to him daily. She has never referred to her younger sisters as half. I think she would argue the case too, along the lines of they may have a different dad but we live together, we play together and argue with each other like full sisters.
That 'half' is irrelevant until it becomes relevant. As PP says a family tree etc.

Why would anyone say that to a child? In my experience TA’s tend to fall in two slots, fantastic or crap. We had a similar issue in pre-school a TA made my son make a mothers day card (he doesn’t have a mum and she knew this), despite complaints and a face to face meeting with her, in September she asked my son if SimonJT was picking him up or his real dad

The TA is at best thoughtless and uncaring, at worst the TA enjoys upsetting children.

I refer to him as my brother, infact im more close to him than my "proper" brother