To ask how you refer to 'half siblings'

[Overcomplicated]

Aware I'm going to be flamed by perfect MNetters but....
I have 5 DC. Oldest 3 born within a year to childhood sweetheart/first husband. He fucked off, never to be seen again.
DC4 was a result of a 1 night stand. Contraceptive failure, father not involved. Total blessing.
DC5 is result of 2nd marriage. They all refer to themselves as siblings. 'I have x brothers and x sisters'
They're all recognised the same within the family.
DC4 age 9 (SEN) came home from school on Friday extremely upset because a teaching assistant had referred to DC5 age 4 as his 'half sister'
For context, DC5 is mixed race. All 5 are aware of different parentage. I've just never made it a big deal.
AIBU to think I get to label our family relationship, not some random TA?

My brother doesn't have the same father as me, but he is fully my brother, just as he would be if one of us was adopted.

Incidentally, I am mixed race and my husband is white. One of our children is clearly mixed race, and the other looks white.

If someone told them they were only half siblings based on what they look like that could be very upsetting.

My halfs and my fulls all refer to each other as brother/sister. Poor DC4!

I put Yabu, only because she just may not have thought! So I’d try not to think too much into it!

But Yanbu in that they are all just siblings

I don’t think I’d be angry / upset about this.

The TA was technically correct and probably said it without thinking. They are in fact half siblings and it was clearly obvious from their appearance if you say that’s the only way she could know - although you don’t know if the kids themselves have ever mentioned different dads etc in passing.

I’d politely correct her in that I’d say the children all refer to each other as siblings and perhaps suggest that this is something people can get upset over as the term half isn’t actually that nice if you think about it. I’d suggest in future staff take their lead from the kids.

However, I’m not sure I’d be barging into school wailing like a banshee over this.

My brother is my brother, although technically he is my half.
I've been upset in the past when people have insisted on calling him my half brother.
If I'm questioned I say we've got different dads. I've never referred to him as my half brother.
I think the TA was tactless.

I guess yes, technically she is correct, but it seems off to correct your child on this. I wouldn’t ike it, and think she should have taken the lead from your child on this.

When you say referred, do you mean she said it directly to your son or that he overheard her saying it to someone else? It’s not ideal, but I do think there’s a bit of a difference between saying to your son “I was talking your half sister X at break time” (which is odd, especially if they just refer to each other as brother and sister) and saying to another member of staff “Oh yes, X in reception is Y’s half sister”.

I don't tend to refer to my half sister often, because we haven't had a relationship for well over 20 years at her choice. But when I do she's my sister. Unless I have to explain the situation and I clarify she's my half sister. My half sister is my older sister, my full sister is my younger sister. My friends in similar situations are the same, if we're having to explain family relationships then the half is referred to but in general they're just brothers and sisters.

I have my sister, who "belongs" to both of my biological parents, and my dad has other children who I refer to as my "dad's children". There is a significant age gap and I've only met them once or twice.

But even I think the TA was out of order and I'd be having a word. As PP said - in your household it's no different to one of them being adopted, and they wouldn't dare say "oh that's your adopted brother".

DD's BFF has two older half siblings.

Her mum refers to BFF as an 'only child' and I think that's more offensive than saying 'half siblings'.

IMO she's not an only child but its not my family so I keep my mouth shut.

My own DD is a true only child.

I refer to them as sister/brother unless trying to explain my family structure to new people. It's bad that DS was upset by the conversation, but really the TA just stated something true. If they were (for example) learning "words that describe family" (so sister, step sister, cousin, aunt etc) then I don't think the TA was being unreasonable.

My dc know their older brother is a half brother (well the 8year old understands the 3year old hasnt understood the concept yet). He is just their brother we have no need to call him half brother.
However just the other morning whilst travelling to school i could hear my oldest saying to the toddler that their big brother was a half brother which meant they didnt have full blood-the oldest then proceeds to tell the youngest that he was infact more of a brother to him......i ask him how thats the case-he quite simply tells me his bigger and therefore has more blood in his body so must be closer!

I think how children feel about their half brothers and sisters depends a lot in circumstances.

I know a young man with half brothers and sisters on both sides. He is 20 years younger than his siblings on his father's side and they have never lived together. I am pretty sure he thinks of them as half-siblings.

In contrast, his siblings on his mother's side are close to his age and they were brought up together. Obviously the children know they have different fathers but I'm sure they feel like full siblings even though they are not.

In this case, I can see that the use of 'half' could be hurtful, especially to a child with SEN. So I think a word with the TA or teacher could be a useful way forward.

We all grew up together. I call them my brothers and sisters. I hate it when people 'correct' me.

They can fuck off. It's so rude I can't even believe it's happening when it happens.

Would she have corrected a child who calls their step mum 'mum'- 'technically shes not your mum Etc'. We say brother and sister here. Also out of interest how did you have 3 in a year, was that twins and one?

Mine are definitely siblings despite none of the three sharing a biological father. They have all been raised together since the older two were toddlers by me and my husband.

It’s interesting that people make a distinction between siblings raised together or not. I have a much younger (full) brother who I have never really lived with. Is he a half brother because of that, despite genetics?

I think the whole half/full nonsense is just nonsense. No one bats an eye if you call your cousins child your cousin. It should be the same with siblings.

I had to mention the same when a teacher consistently referred to DS1's step-Mum and step-siblings. Technically true, but his Mummy died when he was a toddler and he was at a point where belonging was important.

I don’t get this

In the case of your children who have always been together, they naturally would refer to each other as brother or sister. The teacher was seriously out of order to be so pedantic, it's not as if the children do not know they have different fathers. It was an unkind remark and I think you should have a serious word about it with her or him.

My two are adopted and one is mixed. They also both have half siblings either living with birth family or in foster care, adopted. Everyone is a brother/sister.
On a more old fashioned note, my DF's mother died of cancer when he was in his teens. His father remarried and I have an uncle the same age as me. He is also my father's brother, unless a complicated explanation about whose cousins are whose is needed.

I think TA was wrong and should have listened to how DC referred to siblings and used the same wording.

^
This.

I refer to my brother has my brother not my half and even if I'm trying to differentiate I'd say the one who lives in X etc for context. I might say my brother's mum too but not half.

All 3 of my mums children have different dads. But it has always been brother and sister. I hate the term half siblings. What's the need?

Just about everyone i know just says brother or sister

Older people may well clarify it During the conversation if they feel it’s relevant but they all lead with ‘my brother/sister’

The only exception i can think of is my nephew who is only 10 and shares his mum with her new partner and his two daughters...ive no idea how their family refers to everyone because its not my place to ask and he tends to use their names

I grew up with half sister, step brother and a brother. They are all my family I love all of them equally and we all call each other siblings. I think the school over step the mark here, most people in general just refer to family as family not step unless told too. I would have a word with them.

I have children from two different fathers. I would be gutted if any one referred to them as half siblings.

I have siblings, there are three mums. I have never lived with them, and apart from one I have never been close to them. I don't see my dad (unless there is a funeral) and rarely see my siblings. I still call them my brothers and sisters, although I may have called them my half siblings for easy clarification once or twice.

Brothers and sisters for sure. I think it was highly inappropriate for someone working in a school and with children to say that.

I tend to find people only say half brother or sister when they are distant from their sibling(s). Yours all live together so they're close, no need for the word half to be used