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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be livid about hand hygiene offence?

336 replies

Yummymummy2020 · 01/03/2020 20:07

To cut it short but rant. Partners family taking offence at being asked to use hand sanitiser or wash hands before handling our new baby. Particular offence taken at asking the children to use it. I know I’m not unreasonable wanting hand hygiene to be followed before touching our new born, but I feel like really distancing myself from them over this. It’s not just about the corona virus I’m concerned about the baby picking up anything as they are so young. To add to this, certain members are living with a currently sick person which I feel makes it even more crucial to ensure their hands are clean. Would it be really unreasonable to just keep away until the baby has their vaccinations? I know this won’t solve colds/flu but at least the child can have calpol if they do get sick. I’m also annoyed for being called odd by them for wanting them to make sure to use the gel or wash their hands. I have the gel by the way I’m not demanding anyone track it down. I’m livid right now so don’t want to say/ act on anything in haste!

OP posts:
PotholeParadise · 02/03/2020 18:55

RTruth

OCD now? For pete's sake, is awareness of what OCD actually is, that poor?

What next? Claiming that people who nick hotel towels have kleptomania?

BogOffJanuary · 02/03/2020 19:09

@PotholeParadise - awareness of what OCD is, is indeed extremely poor. Fucking sick of people telling me to come clean their house when they find out I have it. My OCD compulsions have fuck all to do with cleaning, and the fears and intrusive thoughts aren’t based around health or cleanliness.

MissingLinker · 02/03/2020 19:09

I mean, I'd have done it without fuss if you'd asked me to.
But I've held absolutely loads of friends/family's young babies and newborns and have never once been asked to do this. I grew up in a very crowded household with lots of extended family and live in a similar situation now. Me, my siblings, my children were all passed around as babies and the idea that everyone handling us could've been made to use hand sanitizer is laughable.

That said, if I were them, id have just gone along with it.

BogOffJanuary · 02/03/2020 19:10

But it is damn good to see someone else pull someone up for misunderstanding OCD! Grin

rosesandbees · 02/03/2020 19:11

You are definitely not unreasonable. Your house your rules! I always wash my hands before picking up a baby and would never be offended by someone asking me too. I asked all visitors too with both my children when they were newborns. With the current risk of corona virus, flu and with winter bugs it is even more important. The not allowing people to kiss them on the lips is also important incase someone has a cold sore and doesn’t realise they can pass on the herpes virus which can have serious consequences to babies. Send the family the nhs link if they keep questioning you! .uk/conditions/neonatal-herpes
Enjoy you wonderful new baby and stick to your guns if they don’t like it they can stop visiting until the baby is older.

Stripeyshirts2450 · 02/03/2020 19:14

Yanbu. People are selfish sadly.

Buyitinbamboo · 02/03/2020 19:28

You can't stop all bugs from getting in but after my DS caught bronciolitis at 4 weeks and ended up a week in intensive care I would insist on hand washing with a newborn too. He's 3 months now and still not recovered

Rachel1874 · 02/03/2020 19:30

Definitely not being unreasonable. Your baby your rules. Although you can't keep everyone away from baby until they have had their vaccinations, that really will just isolate you.

Localocal · 02/03/2020 19:35

You are not being at all unreasonable. Even a mild cold is uncomfortable for a small baby, though it may not be a danger to their life. And their discomfort makes life uncomfortable for parents too. Plus there are many bugs flying around that are more dangerous to a newborn. Covid 19, yes, but any respiratory illness, fever or stomach bug can endanger a newborn.

Stick to your guns. And prepare yourself for 18 years of your relatives rolling their eyes at your "overprotectiveness." This won't be the end of it, I guarantee. Chalk it up to their ignorance and insecurity and let it roll off.

Don't let them make you feel or act defensive. Stick to your guns firmly, but cheerfully.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 02/03/2020 19:50

I’ve never asked or been asked, I think it’s very OTT unless these people are particularly grubby.
Your baby will lick and suck all sorts of disgusting things once mobile and the jabs are for specific diseases, not general household germs so that makes no difference. YABU in my opinion - however, if I was asked I would wash without comment - but I’d think you were over anxious.

Lou12124 · 02/03/2020 20:09

I have 3 kids now and i must admit the first born is always the one you panic, want everything spotless and are very fussy over baby getting germs....second/third child you become less fussy. But that being said I think it is 100% appropriate for people to wash their hands before holding a new born...it not being rude at all being asked that. I wouldn't be offended. At the end of the day it's your baby...you do what you want...have who you want over...who cares what other people think?

Patsyanna · 02/03/2020 20:22

Yanbu. I was in the same situation when mil came to "help" when each of my kids were born. She could not/would not see my point of view on the importance of hand washing and unfortunately for me DH took her side and I was ridiculed by the pair of them.

LoveIsLovely · 02/03/2020 20:44

I am honestly gobsmacked by how few people seem to practice basic hygiene and the poor understanding of how fragile a newborn's immune system is.

Saying that it's never caused any harm to any babies you know is pure survivorship bias. I've never died in a car accident but I still wear a seatbelt.

LoveIsLovely · 02/03/2020 20:45

@Toomuchtrouble4me Well yes, but once they are mobile, they actually have a functioning immune system. Newborns do not.

kasmac · 02/03/2020 20:58

Not at all unreasonable. I had the feeling my in-laws thought I was odd too....especially as I didn’t allow anyone to kiss our baby. Babies can die from the cold-sore virus - and it can be transmitted even before one is visible - our friends niece died from an aunt “kissing her better”. Another friends kid ended up in hospital but was thankfully ok - I swear I think my in-laws thought I made it all up!!!!!

NearlyGranny · 02/03/2020 21:18

Stand your ground, Yummy! Pop baby in a sling or scarf if need be, and just say, "You can hold baby when I've seem you wash your hands. There's soap and a clean towel ready."

And repeat calmly as need be. Don't be drawn into discussion or debate about it. If anyone splutters angrily about it, just shrug and say, "If you don't want to hold/see baby, that's fine!"

MyHairIsSoapy · 02/03/2020 21:23

To all the people saying YABU, this is why we still have flu epidemics and norovirus hitting everyone. Wash your fucking hands!

OP, YANBU. I wouldn’t let them through the door if they are making a point of not washing their hands as they are insulted. This is why coronovirus will spread.

user1471592953 · 02/03/2020 21:39

Definitely not unreasonable, OP. Some PPs seem to be overlooking the fact you’re talking about a newborn. Or they don’t seem to know it makes a difference.

itsgettingcloser · 02/03/2020 22:12

@WotchaTalkinBoutWillis

Because the girl was 4-5 years old and I don’t think she’s aware she should have been discreet about not wanting to wash her hands! So she said I don’t want to wash them. 🙄

And yes we are all a little more cautious with our first born but it’s BASIC hand washing.

Yes there’s lots of things we never used to do back in the old days, but we do now and that’s why so many things such as infant mortality rate has improved.

The level of ignorance on this thread is astounding.

EngiNerd · 02/03/2020 22:14

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I had both my babies during peak cold/flu season and it was a must. TBH I didn't invite visitors for this specific reason and those that did come had to wash their hands before handling babies. Most of the time I didn't even have to ask as I believe this is standard practice - as it should be.

SW16 · 02/03/2020 22:57

TooMuchTroubke4Me
Your baby will lick and suck all sorts of disgusting things once mobile

So on those grounds, I presume you never bothered to sterilise any bottles or dummies for your newborn / non mobile babies?

Iveneverwonanoscar · 02/03/2020 23:13

YANBU. I always thought you were supposed to wash your hands before handling new babies. Midwives and doctors themselves certainly do. Immunity comes a bit later on. Anyway, people should respect your request OP.
Do ease up on the condescending precious newborn comments old time mumsnetters.

erasemybrain · 02/03/2020 23:17

Absolutely yanbu at all. I have a baby nephew and we all voluntarily wash our hands before we touch him. Even my smallish children know this and they always wash their hands properly before they touch him, play with him etc. It's basic common sense.

Try to be kind with the way you ask. Tell them about a recent horror story, there are plenty, and tell them it's just to be safe etc.

glennamy · 02/03/2020 23:47

There is medical research papers going into the fact that those that 'clean' their homes to the Nth degree - 99.9% sprays, bleaching all you see - are not allowing their offspring to come into contact with everyday germs are creating health problems for said offspring later on in life...

If someones hands were filthy then YANBU to ask them...

But If it is for all then YABU and could be promoting the latest thinking about sterile homes!

Merryweather80 · 03/03/2020 00:02

As a mum of nicu babies the first thug you are told to do before entertaining the room or ward is to wash your hands in soap and water. This is something visitors are asked to do on a post natal ward too.
Babies have some immunity but why push it unnecessarily and risk them being poorly so young? Not worth the risk.