To be livid about hand hygiene offence?

[Yummymummy2020]

To cut it short but rant. Partners family taking offence at being asked to use hand sanitiser or wash hands before handling our new baby. Particular offence taken at asking the children to use it. I know I’m not unreasonable wanting hand hygiene to be followed before touching our new born, but I feel like really distancing myself from them over this. It’s not just about the corona virus I’m concerned about the baby picking up anything as they are so young. To add to this, certain members are living with a currently sick person which I feel makes it even more crucial to ensure their hands are clean. Would it be really unreasonable to just keep away until the baby has their vaccinations? I know this won’t solve colds/flu but at least the child can have calpol if they do get sick. I’m also annoyed for being called odd by them for wanting them to make sure to use the gel or wash their hands. I have the gel by the way I’m not demanding anyone track it down. I’m livid right now so don’t want to say/ act on anything in haste!

@limpingparrot @cherryblossomgin I genuinely thought it was across the board too, I know I always would wash my hands before handling newborns myself, I just never really gave it a thought to not it was automatic on my behalf, that was long before I had kids myself. I would also be religious about washing my hands after I go to the bathroom though which I hear a lot of people don’t do and I was also gobsmacked at ha ha.

I'd bet nearly anything that the non hand washers after using the toilet are almost all men.

In all my 40 something years of using public toilets/work toilets, I could count on one hand the number of women I've seen who walk straight out. Whereas my husband said to me just yesterday that he's seen as a bit of a joke at work for handwashing after having a pee...

Arghhh I have to ask my in-laws to do this as their hygiene is so bad. They pull faces but I really don't care. Also kissing on the mouth. Makes me so cross

Firstborn I presume? By the time my youngest was born 2 years ago the most I cared about was if someone else would hold him so I could go to the loo

@isabellerossignol I work in a college for adult students and always see women leave the toilet without hand washing , so grim !

I had posted upthread that years ago when I had my babies there was no mention of asking people to wash their hands before touching the baby, but I do want to clarify that I'm not a non hand washer. I wash my hands first thing in the morning, before handling food, after handling food, after using the toilet, after touching the bin, after touching an animal, all sorts of things. I just have never been asked, or advised, to add 'and before approaching a baby' into the list.

@isabellerossignol I have no idea who the culprits are as it’s not even something I paid attention to before, I’d be interested though to know ha ha. I’ll pay more notice next time I’m in the toilets to it. That’s funny about your husband being known for it in work though! I wouldn’t be too keen on not washing my hands after myself now I have to say!

Ahh sorry OP, I missed your update.

@namechangedforthis1122 I agree I’m not a big fan of the face/lip kissing on new babies myself! This was also something we were warned about not letting people do. Top of the head ect isn’t a big issue with healthy folk but they said don’t let anyone kiss the baby on the lips. To be honest I wouldn’t be going around kissing babies on the lips myself, including my own anyway but it must be an issue as must be a lack of hygiene in some or I guess they wouldn’t be so adamant about the advice! That’s awful that you see so many not washing their hands! It’s pretty gross now to not after the toilet. I wonder is it being lazy or is it that they were just brought up not to? Maybe it’s a generation thing because I think hand hygiene has become a bigger deal anyway in general in hospitals. For example our trust and our gp surgery has had posters about it up a long time now. I was also made wash mine as long as I can remember as a kid but maybe some homes just didn’t place importance on it!

@iano don’t worry at all it’s totally my fault for rushing my original post, it’s just the only way to add it in was to get it deleted and restart, it’s been such an interesting post that I didn’t want to erase it on the other folk that took the time to contribute and are following it! I also didn’t want to keep posting about the icu again and again as even without people spotting that In the update bit early on, it still made for an interesting discussion regardless!

YANBU in my eyes
They’re tiny and do not have strong immune systems. Essentially whatever you decide to do with your newborn should be respected whether people agree or not. Stick to your guns and enjoy your baby

@BogOffJanuary I know what you are saying about the toilet ha ha it’s hard to get a minute! Honestly I wouldn’t be overly precious in the normal way about much, I will certainly be letting the baby roll around and play in mud in the garden when they are older, it’s just the fact they are So vulnerable that I’m particular about hand hygiene. Honestly when the baby was in intensive care we were terrified and not even allowed to hold them ourselves, so to be told about hand hygiene and the procedure for if they got sick which was a high risk if people didn’t wash or gel their hands, was enough to make me be so particular about it, I think if it was my tenth child that I would be the same if they had been in the same position so recently.

@Aquarius1619 thank you, I think the fact I’m a bit of a people pleaser at the best of times makes it difficult for me to go against the grain! I want to protect my baby as much as I can, while not annoying others if at all possible, but baby will always come first! It’s good to see everyone’s views on hand washing in general though and I honestly didn’t even expect the thread to take off so much, it’s definitely a touchy subject with some to say the least ha ha! I think you are dead right about people respecting our views that want to hold and touch the baby at this point in their life, I never thought hand washing was a big deal at all myself I always just did it for other people’s babies so I never experienced being asked. I have however heard of many parents asking, and I can see why from some of the comments on this thread ha ha!

@Yummymummy2020 sorry I didn’t mean you were being precious, I completely get where you’re coming from - especially when you’ve had to go through intensive care etc! If anyone’s not happy about what you need to happen before baby is to be held by anyone else then they don’t get to hold them. I just meant that it’s completely normal to want to make sure everything is alright with your first (even more so in your case with intensive care). And even if you do feel like you’re being precious, that’s your call. Do what you need to to get through the baby years with the least amount of anxiety and worry as possible, that’s all you can do

The other day we walked into in laws and they the huge deal they made of us all being hand sanitized was very ott. Is there any chance you're not particularly asking very nicely? Sil was like an army general, totally snappy and kept looking at me as she pumped into the kids hands as if daring me to argue. I'm fine with it, everyone has to protect themselves but a simple handing over of the sanitizer or a 'can everyone put out their hands?' or something would do it. They told dh after they thought they'd annoyed me but I needed to know it had to be done

It doesn’t matter what we each individually think about hand washing or the risk of bacteria, viruses and other pathogens. I just can’t get my head around anyone making any difficulty over a parent of a tiny baby asking people to wash their hands.

Everyone knows that dummies and bottle teats get sterilised for babies. Why then would we think it ok to let a baby grasp our sticky, grubby, public transport / money / licked/ cat contaminated finger and then put their own fist in their mouth?

I never thought of suggesting hand washing until one visitor thrust his finger into my 9 day old pfb’s mouth to suck.

I never thought of suggesting hand washing until one visitor thrust his finger into my 9 day old pfb’s mouth to suck.

I'm not as obsessive about hygiene as some, but that's just revolting. I'm that anyone would do that.

TBH, unless you have reason to believe that your family/friends have measles or whooping cough or something like that, the vaccinations thing is a bit of a non-issue. Waiting until your baby has had its jabs won't protect from getting a cold, as you yourself say. So what's the big deal with waiting until all the jabs are done? (That's what, 12 weeks?)

I think everyone can be very risk-averse when they have a new baby and I think it's reasonable to ask (because it's your baby) people to wash hands first, particularly if you suspect they're not frequent hand-washers to begin with. But as others here have pointed out, you're not requiring people to wear face masks to avoid breathing droplets onto the baby, you're not asking people to wear a sterile apron or even freshly laundered clothing, and your home environment itself won't be sterile. Try to relax a bit - germs are around us, they are part of life and some bacteria will help your baby's gut biome develop.

Of course YANBU

Yes, babies and children need to built up immunity and it's important that environments aren't overly sanitised but very young babies don't have a fully functioning immune system to build up yet.

I just don't understand why anyone wouldn't wash their hands before holding a newborn. It takes a minute. All these excited grandparents who act more like toddlers themselves not being able to wait an extra sixty seconds.

We were cautious with our PFB but she still needed antibiotics which really disrupted her gut flora and digestion and could have had long term effects though she seems fine. Once she was a couple of months old we relaxed and she is always covered in mud, playing with animals and other kids etc now as a toddler.

But having researched how important the early exposures can be we'll be even more cautious in the first few weeks if we have a PSB!

I’d think you were a bit odd, tbh.

@stayathomer I totally understand that if I was saying it rudely or implying someone was dirty that they would take offence but I genuinely don’t say it in a holier than thou way, I’m extra careful to say it nicely and ask rather than demand and I always say ItS what intensive care want to emphasise I’m not just asking for fun too. I can see if someone was being very aggressive or military like why it would bother people but I honestly am not at all like that, promise!

@GlomOfNit sorry I should have been clearer, the vaccinations are at the same age that the baby can take calpol if they get sick so it’s more the timing I mean than anything, up until that point we were told baby had to go into the emergency department with any hint of illness being a premie. On top of that we were told if she hadn’t had her shots we would be looking at a lumbar puncture to rule out meningitis and after seeing what the poor thing had to deal with in intensive care I would be very protective of preventing that if I can!

@Splishsploshsplishsplash I Definitely only would be insisting on it for the beginning as such and I want the baby to experience all the normal kid stuff when they are older like the rolling in mud ect! I just want them to get through the first while as safely as possible, because after being told what to do by the hospital, I would feel awful if anything happened, especially knowing how Unwell the baby could get. I always thought too that the immune system in newborns wasn’t in a position to tackle illness very well and it wasn’t good to expose them to it if it can be helped, even in a full term healthy baby. I know I got my information from the intensive care ward but I’m not sure if it’s hospitals telling some other people not to sterilise newborn baby things or wash hands? Or if it’s just experiences of their own! Everyone has their own feelings on things so it’s good to hear them! I will definitely read when baby is a few months old though! Mind you I will still wash my own hands frequently as I always have done, and genuinely thought the majority did even if it wasn’t flu or cold season!

How will their immune system grow?

It’s a bit over the top to me. Screams OCD but each to their own.

How will their immune system grow?

Their immune systems don't need to grow at that early an age. For very young newborns the potential risk of an illness outweighs the benefit of "improving their immune system".