To say no to babysitting

[Noni8]

Sister and I have always had a strained relationship. She seems cold and distant most of the time. Never any warmth from her however we stay in contact and plan things for our children to do together. I have 2 DC, 4 & 6. Her DC are 12 & 13. I looked after her kids one evening last month. I won't go into all the details but at one point my 13 year old nephew was misbehaving and winding little ones up, calling them names and swearing etc and I told him off. At end of the evening everything was fine and my sister came to pick them up.

The next time I saw my sister she told me I had no right speaking to her children in the way I did and they were crying for hours that night (??) because of me! She said I had ruined their week. I gave her the reasons for telling them off and she said I should have come to her first. I said they were misbehaving in front of me in my house so of course I told them off. Her 12 year old then interrupted in the background saying I wasn't her mum and how dare I tell her off! My sister let her speak to me in that way and then asked me if I think my kids always come to me whenever something is wrong and have a one sided view. I said maybe but they are 4 and 6, that's normal! I said they don't lie to which she replied 'oh yes they do!' At one point her 13 year old interrupted and my sister replied 'just don't hang around with (my DC) again.' I couldn't believe my sister actually said this. I also want to be clear the whole evening was not me telling her kids off, this happened 3 times max and I also told my own DC to play nicely etc and the rest of the evening consisted of them all playing a game then watching a film. They left smiling. I really am still in shock by this phone call. It seemed like a huge emotional outburst from nowhere. I later received a text message from my sister apologising saying she had a bad day (ironically she is constantly telling her DC off and seems stressed with parenting).

However, after this I vowed never to babysit again and to have a long break from communicating with my sister. I have just received another request to babysit her kids. After all she said I'm surprised she has even asked. How do I politely decline? I want to be firm and say I cannot do that after the last time and all that was said, which I'm still very upset by. But I also don't want another emotional outburst and all this ridiculous drama. Thank you!

Of course your not being unreasonable. If your sisters kids or anyone else's kids are are misbehaving of course you have the right to correct them. It would be irresponsible not to. They should not get offended. How dare your sister allow her children to disrespect you like that in your own home. How dare your sister treat you this way. Don't babysit for her for a very long time. She needs to be taught a lesson here. I reckon she only apologised because she needs a reliable babysitter which you are,but it works both ways here. When her kids are with you they need to listen if the occasion arises and you need to discipline. When have children ever been perfect. Your sister is in cloud cookooland if she thinks her kids never need correction from time to time. She seriously needs to get over herself here and how dare she be rude to you in this way.

Just say no.. I can't do it for you again.. Get the words out and tell her that the way she went on at you the last time really hurt and even though she's saying she's sorry you feel that for peace of mind you'd rather not have them again. It's your right to say no and you mustn't feel guilty either... She could be using you too u know!

Don't politely decline! Just say "No thanks, not after last time." and leave it at that. If she gets shitty, ignore her

"it would not be fair on your children, or me, to babysit after last time as everyone was so upset, and our parenting styles are very different.

It's also now impossible for me to look after them safely, as you made it clear to them that they don't have to listen to me, do as I ask/expect, or accept any disciplining that could be required. This could cause all sorts of problems. In emergencies, or course, I can help if ever needed."

What PepsiLola said earlier.
Never babysit for her again.
I’m sorry that your sister isn’t very nice.

Did she reply op? Can’t believe the cheek of her. If they are being allowed to behave like that at 12 and 13, I hate to think what they will be like in a few years time. Maybe better to keep your little ones away all together.

YASNBU (S= so). Everything you say makes perfect sense and you are 100% right. Those kids when in your house must abide by your rules. However, I think something else is going on here with your sister. I think she sounds depressed and could even have some other mental disorder going on. However, in that said you could say to your sister "I will only babysit if you understand that when they are in my house they must behave ahd abide by my rules. I'm not having them disrespect me in front of the kids which could send the same msg to the little-uns to behave the same. They must also understand that they are hugely older than my kids and only on those terms wil I baby sit. Oh and could you pre-advise your children that when in my house they do as they are told and respect that I have little children, otherwise no babysitting" I have a young teenager and he would never ever have treated children that age by teasing them, he would show good example and even play with them. However, I do think things are going on with your sister but stick with the respect and telling off if they disrespect.

Your sister has shot herself in the foot! She now can’t reply until she comes up with some guilt inducing sob story on why you should be happy to look after children that disrespect you and their cousins in your own home. Expect it will take a little while for something to be created!

I'd be interested to hear what she replies.

Your sister is a CF & taking the piss. I hope she gets your message that you will not put up with their crap OP.

Well done for being clear in your response OP.

I don't think I would have managed anything more than multiple laughing emojis followed by a simple "no".

Obviously the perfect response if you've heard nothing.

well done OP... do not cave to vile bullies.. even when related to them.. think of the stress your own kids endured just being around your sisters older kids.. fuck that 🌺

You need to speak to her and not by text or on the phone. Face to face.

I would start by asking her if she is ok. Ask her if she is having a hard time and if there is anything she thinks you should know.

I think your sister is distant because she's unhappy. If she didn't like you or want your company she wouldn't see you at all, particularly in light of her recent behaviour. She certainly wouldn't be asking you to babysit again.

There's one of 2 things going on here:

1. her life is very difficult and she's desperately unhappy, she's not managing her kids and who knows what else.
2. she's a CF with no regard or respect for you.

You know her better than us. You can either give her the benefit of the doubt or you can tell her you will not be babysitting her children again after this recent incident as it's not appropriate: they behaved badly and so did she so you are not duty bound to do anything and won't be until they all sort themselves out.

You could also say: I'm sorry but after this recent incident I'm taking some time out from you and the kids for a while. I recommend you all take some time to reflect because you all owe me an apology.

If it makes it easier, you are saying no to the request, not the person.