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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she is CF to invite herself to stay?

148 replies

viccat · 29/02/2020 17:58

A friend (if I can call her that) messaged me on FB earlier today to say she was thinking of finally coming to visit London and stay at mine around Easter or perhaps in the summer... she already has a dog sitter sorted and everything, it's perfect for her. Hmm

Now, I knew her ages ago - haven't met her in person for over 14 years, we occasionally comment on each other's FB posts but don't ever speak other than that (last FB messenger exchange was over 5 years ago). We were never super close friends although we were in each other's lives at a time we were both struggling with something (separately) and I suppose felt closer because of that... But I was very young, late teens/early 20s (she's a bit older) and even though we spoke about her coming to visit when I first moved to London, life has moved on A LOT in 15 years! I'd be happy to meet up for a cuppa and a catch up but not give up several days to accommodate her.

AIBU to think she's being a CF thinking she can use me as a free hotel? And to expect an invitation that was maybe made all those years ago is going to be open forever...

My view is coloured by the fact that I'm the biggest introvert and literally never have anyone stay these days. I have a spare room but it doesn't even have a bed, it's my home office. My mental health hasn't been great for months now and the thought of having anyone stay is my worst nightmare. Plus, I'm working and busy with a big work project so it'd be terrible timing. My answer is definitely going to be no, I just need to figure out how to word it so a.) I don't leave it in any way open for her to think she can come another time b.) I don't sound too rude - I don't want to upset her even though I'm definitely not having her stay. Ever. Over my dead body.

If it matters, she would be coming from abroad.
With the corona virus outbreak I also feel like it would be a terrible idea at Easter anyway to fly into Heathrow and come to stay. What if she got ill and ended up in quarantine at mine for 14 days! Shock

OP posts:
ellendegeneres · 29/02/2020 18:03

‘Hahaha very funny, you’ve sent this to the wrong person!’ Would be my response

Chamomileteaplease · 29/02/2020 18:05

This is my suggestion:

Hi Claire, it's great that you are finally getting to visit London soon but I am afraid you won't be able to stay here with me as I don't even have a spare room for a start (laughing emoji to soften blow). If you let me know when you are coming it would be lovely to meet up in town for a coffee, smiley face emoji.

Short and sweet? Grin

Ragglesnaggle · 29/02/2020 18:06

I wouldn't bother responding. Why worry what the CF thinks?

ShyTown · 29/02/2020 18:06

How very bizarre. I’d message her and say you’re not able to have her to stay as you don’t even have a spare bed and you’re going to be very busy with work but that if she does come to London then you’d hope that you can catch up, maybe dinner and drinks one night.

AudTheDeepMinded · 29/02/2020 18:07

As she has stated she is 'thinking' it's not definite. I would respond with, 'Great it will be great to catch up with you, however I am unable to offer accommodation so you will have to sort out a hotel. Let's meet for a meal, let me know when you have firm dates and we can sort something out'. Easy. Don't give explanations!

Flutteringsatlast · 29/02/2020 18:08

That's great cf friend. I have just signed up for air B&B as a host my rates are xxx...

Canadianpancake · 29/02/2020 18:09

^
This is perfect, and you're not even lying. You don't have room for her to stay.

Wilmalovescake · 29/02/2020 18:10

“My goodness, what a blast from the past! Good to hear from you, it’s been ages hadn’t it! Hope you’re well. I don’t have a guest room any more, so I wouldn’t be able to put you up, sorry. Do let me know if you’re in town though, be great to meet for a drink. Take care, OP”

ivykaty44 · 29/02/2020 18:13

Unfortunately this isn’t going to work for me, if you do visit London it would be great to meet up for a coffee but staying just won’t be possible.

ivykaty44 · 29/02/2020 18:15

Don’t give a reason, as soon as you start giving a reason cheeky fuckers will give a solution - say no without actually using the word isn’t rude

BabyWenger · 29/02/2020 18:17

"Sorry, I don't have anywhere you could sleep. Some good value hotels are xxx and xxx. Let me know when you're here though, would be good to meet for a pint".

Arthritica · 29/02/2020 18:19

“Not able to put you up, but would love to meet you for a drink while you’re here. Let me know your dates and we’ll try and get together.”

Job done.

AriadnesFilament · 29/02/2020 18:19

“Lovely to hear from you after all this time, hope you’re well!
I’m not in any position to have anyone to visit - no spare bed for a start! - which isn’t likely to change, but It’d be lovely to see you if you do decide to come to London. I’m sure I could free up an hour or two to meet for coffee if you give me enough notice and a few options with dates/times.”

LettertoHermoine · 29/02/2020 18:19

What a mad bint!

Dear Susan,

Yer out of luck
Ya cheeky fuck
Not even for beers,
Not seen ya in years,
I don't have a bed,
To rest yer head,
Try a B&B,
You ain't staying with me!

LOve and Light,

Viccat xxxx

novacaneforthepain · 29/02/2020 18:24

@LettertoHermoine brilliant!

WinterCat · 29/02/2020 18:26

I would just ignore most of her message and reply with “do let me know when you are coming over as hopefully I’ll be able to meet up for a quick coffee as it would be lovely to see you if there is time.”

bank100 · 29/02/2020 18:27

Ah. As a fellow Londoner I get acquaintances inviting themselves to stay at mine fairy frequently. Usually for work, a westend show, airport.... not specifically to see me.
Have started saying 'great to hear from you & would be fab to meet for a drink and catch up but I won't be able to host, don't have the space'

Wereallsquare · 29/02/2020 18:27

I fell for this years ago. The woman said she would be staying at mine for a couple of nights before moving on. She was there for 10+ days. She treated my place like a hotel. She ate and didn't replace. She left dirty dishes in the sink. I did not have the spine then to tell her to pack her things and go.

Don't be the mug I was. She is a user, plain and simple and London is expensive. If she had the money to pay for accommodation, you would never have heard from her.

Baby and Arthritica have composed great messages for you to cut and paste.

GinDrinker00 · 29/02/2020 18:28

“Oh your coming to London I hear xxxxx hotel is a nice place to stay. Can meet up for a cuppa but I’m very busy with work at the moment.”

Blueblackrose · 29/02/2020 18:30

"Sorry that doesn't work for me" and unfriend her - doesn't seem like she will be a big loss to your life and life is too short for this kind of shit.

GruciusMalfoy · 29/02/2020 18:31

Send her the Mariah Carey "I dont know her" gif.

What a CF!

OhCaptain · 29/02/2020 18:32

Hi CheekyFucker. Did you send this to me by mistake? Hope all is well. If you are staying with family or friends in London let me know and we can try and have coffee or drinks! It’s been years!

BumbleBeee69 · 29/02/2020 18:34

Nip this in the bud NOW OP .... 🌺

Eddielzzard · 29/02/2020 18:34

Yes I've had this. "just a few days' was 10 days. I'd say 'Lovely to hear from you! Unfortunately I can't put you up, but I'd love to meet for coffee. kisses'

TrippingOnSunshine · 29/02/2020 18:34

@LettertoHermoine
That is sheer brilliance.

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