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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she is CF to invite herself to stay?

148 replies

viccat · 29/02/2020 17:58

A friend (if I can call her that) messaged me on FB earlier today to say she was thinking of finally coming to visit London and stay at mine around Easter or perhaps in the summer... she already has a dog sitter sorted and everything, it's perfect for her. Hmm

Now, I knew her ages ago - haven't met her in person for over 14 years, we occasionally comment on each other's FB posts but don't ever speak other than that (last FB messenger exchange was over 5 years ago). We were never super close friends although we were in each other's lives at a time we were both struggling with something (separately) and I suppose felt closer because of that... But I was very young, late teens/early 20s (she's a bit older) and even though we spoke about her coming to visit when I first moved to London, life has moved on A LOT in 15 years! I'd be happy to meet up for a cuppa and a catch up but not give up several days to accommodate her.

AIBU to think she's being a CF thinking she can use me as a free hotel? And to expect an invitation that was maybe made all those years ago is going to be open forever...

My view is coloured by the fact that I'm the biggest introvert and literally never have anyone stay these days. I have a spare room but it doesn't even have a bed, it's my home office. My mental health hasn't been great for months now and the thought of having anyone stay is my worst nightmare. Plus, I'm working and busy with a big work project so it'd be terrible timing. My answer is definitely going to be no, I just need to figure out how to word it so a.) I don't leave it in any way open for her to think she can come another time b.) I don't sound too rude - I don't want to upset her even though I'm definitely not having her stay. Ever. Over my dead body.

If it matters, she would be coming from abroad.
With the corona virus outbreak I also feel like it would be a terrible idea at Easter anyway to fly into Heathrow and come to stay. What if she got ill and ended up in quarantine at mine for 14 days! Shock

OP posts:
Fuckbrexit · 29/02/2020 20:12

The whole lying to neighbours, running away to parents' to avoid somebody is one of the weirdest things I've ever read on here!

OhCaptain · 29/02/2020 20:17

Jesus Christ @faracrossthepond I really hope you’ve made that whole thing up!

There’s no way anyone is that nasty or fucking insane!

faracrossthepond · 29/02/2020 20:19

No need to be so harsh. It was 30 years ago, and we were barely out of teens! Calm down. Hmm

PoloMama · 29/02/2020 20:20

You sound very introverted. Why not just push the boat out and host? It'll only be for a few days and, who knows, you might just enjoy the company rather than sitting in on your own. She might leave early anyway as you sound very boring. Besides which, you could surely go visit her and explore her neck of the woods. If you ever get out that is.

faracrossthepond · 29/02/2020 20:20

And no I didn't make it up! Hmm

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 29/02/2020 20:21

I agree not to say you don't have a spare room. Her sort always reply with 'oh I can sleep on the floor, I'm not bothered!'

faracrossthepond · 29/02/2020 20:21

I told her it was inconvenient and she ignored me and just decided to turn up. She was a penpal had been writing to for a few months, not a relative. She was literally nothing to me at all (or DH.)

OhCaptain · 29/02/2020 20:22

Yeah @viccat just don’t ask when she’s arriving and then run away from your own house! 😂😂😂

faracrossthepond · 29/02/2020 20:23

I did feel a bit bad, but I really didn't need to, I didn't ask her to come. And said it WAS inconvenient.

And as I said me and DH were only just gone 20 and had not been living together long. We didn't know how to handle it, so fled to your parents.

Thanks for the nasty personal attacks against me though. Some posters on here never fail to deliver.

Beautiful3 · 29/02/2020 20:23

I would just say, "that's lovely, I don't have the room for you to stay, but it would be great to meet up for a meal and drinks. Let me know when you're here."

faracrossthepond · 29/02/2020 20:24

Fled to OUR parents (not your!)

HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely · 29/02/2020 20:29

I wouldn't say that she is necessarily being a CF. It Sounds to me like she's planning a visit and would like to stay with you if possible, but hasnt assumed it as a definite. I think this is just a bold/forward way of asking you. You don't need to concoct a face saving lie, just tell her that you don't have a bed for her but you'd love to meet up for lunch one day when she's visiting. She will probably take the hint. If she then comes back and says she doesn't need a bed and will stay with you anyway, that's the point where you're in CF territory and need to be a bit firmer.

carbuncleonapigsposterior · 29/02/2020 20:34

Pretty much outline what you put in your original post, minus the CF bit, something along the lines of, "I am very busy and will continue to be so with a work project around that time, it's very bad timing, I can't have anyone to stay, even if I wasn't so stretched, I simply don't have a spare bed. Lets meet up for a natter, it's been a while 15 years I believe. How time moves on, sorry didn't bargain for anyone wanting to come and stay after such a long period of minimal contact.

KarmaStar · 29/02/2020 20:47

Yes she is a c.f. Indeed!
Don't give a reason or excuse.
Say no then block her op.
Don't meet for coffee,she will have her overnight bag under the table and a sob story about her ' booked ' accommodation falling through.
She's not been in your life for several years,you won't miss her when you block her.

Cryalot2 · 29/02/2020 20:50

Faracross, you did what was right for you at the time. You did try telling them and they were not having it.
As for op just be brave and honest and say that at most you perhaps could mange to meet for a day, but no way is it convenient for them to stay . It is beyond cheeky of anyone to do this .

Tistheseason17 · 29/02/2020 21:01

What Beautiful3 says above. To the point and polite.

KitKat1985 · 29/02/2020 21:06

That is cheeky and weird. I agree with PP just send a reply saying something along the lines of "I'm sorry but you won't be able to stay here as I don't have anywhere for you to stay and it's not very convenient I'm afraid. However it would be lovely to meet for dinner or coffee at some point so let me know what days you are free".

christmassausages · 29/02/2020 21:07

Faracross - I'd probably have done the same.

Lots of keyboard warriors on here. They have no idea how they would have behaved in your situation because it didn't happen to them. Just ignore.

georgialondon · 29/02/2020 21:11

I just wouldn't reply to her.

cstaff · 29/02/2020 21:12

@faracrossthepond
I actually laughed out loud when I read your post. It was hilarious and you were only kids. So what - you ran home to mammy for a few days because a bloody pen pal couldn't take no for an answer. I say good for you.

CeibaTree · 29/02/2020 21:32

She was a penpal had been writing to for a few months
Why on earth didn't you just write to her and tell her not to come then if you couldn't say it on the phone. Hopefully they can laugh about it now too, but I kind of doubt it.

faracrossthepond · 29/02/2020 21:43

@cstaff @christmassausages @Cryalot2 @sonjadog Thank you. Flowers

Yep, plenty of keyboard warriors on here who would never speak to me like this in real life, and have no right to judge as they weren't there, it didn't happen to them, and they don't know me. Plus, we were just kids - it was over 30 years ago FGS.

What's more, even if I had shouted 'NO NO NO' down the phone, she would still have come. I was only 20-ish and not very assertive or forceful. And as a couple of posters said, many people would have reacted the same at that age.

Way more lovely people on here than spiteful keyboard warriors though, so I'll live. Thanks again though! Smile

Elouera · 29/02/2020 21:56

In addition to my earlier post, I had a similar issue from a very old family friend. She had contacted my mother out of the blue (mum lives abroad) and asked her if I still lived in London. Mum warned me that this person might make contact and sure enough they did.

I said it would be lovely to meet for a coffee/meal and when are their travel dates (I never mentioned staying with me or a free room) and never heard another thing!

Branleuse · 29/02/2020 21:57

Id say " I really am too crotchety and introverted to have guests stay over, but would definitely like to catch up over dinner and drinks if youre in town"

BrassyLocks · 29/02/2020 22:04

I wasn't very good at saying no to pushy people in my teens. Occasionally if I was invited out for a night and didn't want to go, I would tell my flatmate to say I wasn't in when they called round for me. Now, of course I can say no...except to ex-MiL. That remains a challenge Sad.

OP, I'm sure your FB friend will take the hint and sort some other accommodation. Does she have other London friends? Maybe she has asked the same question to several people and is hoping one will say yes. I hope you have a nice meet up if/when she definitely decides to come.

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