To think she is CF to invite herself to stay?

[viccat]

A friend (if I can call her that) messaged me on FB earlier today to say she was thinking of finally coming to visit London and stay at mine around Easter or perhaps in the summer... she already has a dog sitter sorted and everything, it's perfect for her.

Now, I knew her ages ago - haven't met her in person for over 14 years, we occasionally comment on each other's FB posts but don't ever speak other than that (last FB messenger exchange was over 5 years ago). We were never super close friends although we were in each other's lives at a time we were both struggling with something (separately) and I suppose felt closer because of that... But I was very young, late teens/early 20s (she's a bit older) and even though we spoke about her coming to visit when I first moved to London, life has moved on A LOT in 15 years! I'd be happy to meet up for a cuppa and a catch up but not give up several days to accommodate her.

AIBU to think she's being a CF thinking she can use me as a free hotel? And to expect an invitation that was maybe made all those years ago is going to be open forever...

My view is coloured by the fact that I'm the biggest introvert and literally never have anyone stay these days. I have a spare room but it doesn't even have a bed, it's my home office. My mental health hasn't been great for months now and the thought of having anyone stay is my worst nightmare. Plus, I'm working and busy with a big work project so it'd be terrible timing. My answer is definitely going to be no, I just need to figure out how to word it so a.) I don't leave it in any way open for her to think she can come another time b.) I don't sound too rude - I don't want to upset her even though I'm definitely not having her stay. Ever. Over my dead body.

If it matters, she would be coming from abroad.
With the corona virus outbreak I also feel like it would be a terrible idea at Easter anyway to fly into Heathrow and come to stay. What if she got ill and ended up in quarantine at mine for 14 days!

@LettertoHermoine has it nailed

What does CF stand for? I can't figure it out.

I’d reply. ‘Hi, looks like you’ve messaged the wrong person but let me know if you have time to catch up over a coffee while you’re in town x’

@snowybean Cheeky Fucker

Ahhhh, I had cluster fuck in my head. Thanks for clearing it up!

I would go with Arthritica´s suggestion above. Clear but not unfriendly. Not open to discussion.

cheeky bitch lol!

the first poster has a good text

definately text tho - she might justturn up if not!!

cheeky bitch lol!

the first poster has a good text

definately text tho - she might justturn up if not!!

“Not able to put you up, but would love to meet you for a drink while you’re here. Let me know your dates and we’ll try and get together.”

This is perfect.

If you mention no spare room or anything like that she'll offer to sleep on the sofa or a camp bed or something and the it gets harder to say no because you lied about the reasons. Hence this message being best.

@LettertoHermoine pmsl

Sorry - I can't remember where I know you from? Were you Nigel's weird ex?

No that does not work for me .... is good

Don’t say you don’t have a spare room, you’ll get ‘I’ll stay on your sofa not a problem’

I agree - don’t say you don’t have a bed or room etc. You’ll just get ‘Oh don’t worry I’m happy on the sofa’.

You need to just say sorry it won’t be possible for you to host her but you hope she has a lovely time.

Completely agree with some of the other replies- 'would be great to meet up for a coffee/meal when you have firm plans, but there is no room/bed/space at mine'. Elaborate explanations arent needed. Its very rude of HER to just assume she can stay with someone so out of the blue, so don't feel bad about it at all. I'd be surprised if you hear from her again.

I worked with a girl briefly when abroad and mentioned I live in london. We had vague FB contact, but I wouldn't say as a friend, nor had we ever met up outside of work. We did have mutual friends, and the 'plan' was for her to stay 2 nights before moving onto a friend.
She stayed 10days, but unknown to me, had used MY address not only for herself, but another 'friend' I'd never met. I started getting bank cards, post and all sorts for them. She never once contributed to any food, gave a gift, thankyou or anything! Lesson learnt.

Good point from others about the lack of bed- dont mention it. Not able to put you up is perfect.

Don't mention bedspace. For all she knows you could have 10 kids and live in a 2 bed. Cheeky wagon... 15 fucking years. Some people have no shame.

You don't need to reply to her at all. If you haven't spoken in 5 years, you're not going to ruin or miss out on any friendship even if she gets pissed at this.

I only host family for max 2 days and it's infrequent, but they are welcome, blood is thicker than water, and they offer to return the compliment, but I'd rather stay independently in a hotel or ABB if going their neck of the woods. Just me I suppose.

As for hosting acquaintances, not a chance. Sorry now, sort yourself out love.

Just say you're busy with work, don't have a spare bed but if she does visit London you are happy to meet for a coffee. Then after a few days delete and block her.

Have you ever suggested she might stay?

It's a shame that we women are so conditioned not to be rude. She really is being a cheeky fucker.
She's not in your life, just tell her that she can't stay with you. She can't leap out from the screen on Facebook to tell you off , or be hurt or wail all over you. After 15 years You don't know her anymore
You've had some great responses suggested here, pick one, use it and job done.
No excuses, no explanations.

I don’t see the problem. Just say you’d be pleased to meet up for a meal - or a coffee/drink, but you don’t have room to put anybody up.

I really don’t like the MN ‘that doesn’t work for me’, not in this case. You can say the absolute truth, you don’t have room for her.

If she is then sufficiently CF-ish to say she can sleep on the sofa, just say sorry, that really won’t be possible.
It’s not as if you’re dying to see her, is it?

I would say something like. You don't have room to put her up. Then give her the contact details for a couple of hotels. Tell her to let you know if she definately decides to come and if your free you will try meet up for a coffee and chat.

I reckon she's just sounding you out, to see if free accommodation is on offer. She's only said she's thinking of coming over, and has said either Easter or the summer. All you have to do is message back saying 'oh you'll love London, let me know when you're here and I'll make sure I'm free for drinks or dinner one evening.'

I live by the sea and have got used to replying to vague acquaintances, who suddenly decide that it's time they visited my little town, with similar cheery 'how lovely, it's beautiful here, if I'm free, we'll definitely meet up' and I never refer to their covert request to stay at mine.