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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would I be a CF to go to this wedding?

92 replies

Yambabe · 29/02/2020 15:35

Background: I am a hobby photographer specialising in shooting live music gigs. I "work" for a couple of online magazines/websites. DH has some friends who are in a band. I know them too, but not as well as him. They've been together about a year, and play rock covers in local pubs etc. DH has been to see them a few times. I have seen them once - I was on my way back from a "proper" gig and picked DH up from the pub they were playing in. They were on late, I had the camera with me, so I took some photos for them which they absolutely love. Several of them are now using my pictures as social media profile pics etc. All good.

Fast forward to this week, they have a gig tonight. They've asked DH if he wants to go, and specifically asked for me to come too and bring my camera. I'd provisionally agreed, til I found out that this "gig" is actually them playing at someone's wedding. It's a professional paid job for them, they are not friends of the B&G. Neither me nor DH know the B&G.

I now feel really uncomfortable about this. The band are saying it's OK, they can take who they like along, but effectively gatecrashing a stranger's wedding just doesn't sit right with me. If it was just a birthday party or something then yeah but a wedding? I can't imagine that the B&G will want some stranger with a camera that they don't know wandering about the place. Also when "working" I like to dress comfortably as I often have to be on the floor, or twisting into odd positions to get the shots I want. So stretchy jeans, trainers, tshirt. If it's a formal wedding I am going to stick out like a sore thumb aren't I!

DH says it would be rude to the band to pull out now, I think it would be ruder to the B&G to turn up and I would feel like a proper CF.

Should I go?

OP posts:
TreesSandSea · 29/02/2020 15:37

No

You sound like a nice person. I think you have read this situation correctly.

TreesSandSea · 29/02/2020 15:38

I mean no you shouldn’t go!

thefourgp · 29/02/2020 15:40

I think you’re right. I don’t think you should go. People don’t want strangers they’re not expecting at their wedding. X

Ceebeegee · 29/02/2020 15:41

I wouldn't go.
I wouldn't be happy for the band to use my wedding for their photoshoot. If they had asked beforehand (I'm assuming the band hasn't told the Bride or Groom), I might consider it but otherwise no, it doesn't seem appropriate.

slipperywhensparticus · 29/02/2020 15:42

Ask if you can go before and take posed shots of the band?

Chickychoccyegg · 29/02/2020 15:47

definitely inappropriate for the band to have invited you and your dh to someone's wedding, they are there to work, not socialize.

CollieDug · 29/02/2020 15:55

Definitely don’t go. Extremely rude of band to suggest it. I also don’t think your DH should go.

BobbyBlueCat · 29/02/2020 15:57

Absolutely do not go.

They B+G will probablyhave their own photographer and perhaps a videographer at the event to capture moments. They don't need another person in casual clothing laying on the floor in the middle of photographs.

Wedding photography is a completely seperate skill (the way you need to dress on the day, be aware of getting in shots of videographer etc) and you're not trained in how to avoid ruining the professionals shots.

I think you sound lovely, OP and have exactly the correct opinion.
Offer to go to another gig or do a photo shoot on another occasion as an 'apology' (not that you need one).

LizB62A · 29/02/2020 15:58

Take pics at the sound check then get out of there? (assuming they get a sound check of course !)

Marilynmansonsothereye · 29/02/2020 15:59

I'd find out contact details fr B&G or maid of honour or someone, contact them and tell them and offer to take some photos for them too.

Marilynmansonsothereye · 29/02/2020 15:59

Posted too soon! And see what they say I should have said. Make it clear that if it's a no it's a no and that's fine :)

ShirleyPhallus · 29/02/2020 16:00

I’d be fine if someone asked me but would also want them to dress appropriately

I hate wedding photos when there is some person dressed in jeans wandering around in the background as they’re a photographers assistant or something.

think the band have really misjudged this one.

user1471449295 · 29/02/2020 16:00

Gosh no, you are right OP. Definitely not ok to go

ShirleyPhallus · 29/02/2020 16:01

I'd find out contact details fr B&G or maid of honour or someone, contact them and tell them and offer to take some photos for them too.

God do not do this! The B&G have got enough today ie ON THEIR WEDDING DAY to have some stranger contacting them about taking photos!

Purpleartichoke · 29/02/2020 16:01

I would want the bride and grooms permission and be prepared to give them a couple of digital copies of crowd dancing shots. If it is given, I also would up the clothing game a bit. Wedding photographers tend to have a uniform of nice looking, but actually comfortable clothing.

TheNewSchmoo · 29/02/2020 16:02

Absolutely not, nor should your husband go. They're the wedding band! How inappropriate. Surely the wedding photographer will get a few shots

LeggyLinda · 29/02/2020 16:07

I’d probably err on the side of not going.
You don’t know what agreement they have with the band or their own photographer.
They may take exception to booking a band that then use the wedding as a promotional opportunity.

At the very least, if you were to go, I think you should dress appropriately for a wedding - not just out of professionalism and respect, but also because you would likely feel awkward otherwise.

BoomBoomsCousin · 29/02/2020 16:11

It sounds like they want you to take pictures of them that they can use for promotion. If you’re happy with this then going in your “working” clothes and being very much a part of the band entourage might just make the band seem better in the eyes of the guests? But definitely I wouldn’t get dressed up in posh togs and go as though I was a guest at the wedding.

diddl · 29/02/2020 16:12

It would be ruder to go imo.

Hope that your husband also doesn't go.

It's not the band's gig to invite anyone to!

EvaHarknessRose · 29/02/2020 16:14

You're band entourage, it's fine.

Ouchaheadinmybehind · 29/02/2020 16:17

You're band entourage, it's fine

Fine if they were playing a pub/club.
Not fine at a couples wedding.

pigsDOfly · 29/02/2020 16:19

It's a private event, the band have no right inviting random people to someone's wedding because they've got a gig there.

You're right OP neither you nor your husband should go.

Just think it through; in the middle of your wedding some complete stranger starts taking photos of the band, and hovering around them is some bloke you've never met.

I'm surprised anyone would even consider doing this.

lyralalala · 29/02/2020 16:26

They've cheekily asked your DH to their gig solely so that you'll go and take photos (presumably for free)

Then to add to that cheekiness they've invited you to someone's wedding?

No chance I'd be going

Unless one of the band is the bride or groom that's massive CF'ery

Eddielzzard · 29/02/2020 16:27

The band are being CF's! They have no right to ask you and DH along.

pussycatinboots · 29/02/2020 16:27

Are they paying you to gatecrash someones wedding take more publicity shots?

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