Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would I be a CF to go to this wedding?

92 replies

Yambabe · 29/02/2020 15:35

Background: I am a hobby photographer specialising in shooting live music gigs. I "work" for a couple of online magazines/websites. DH has some friends who are in a band. I know them too, but not as well as him. They've been together about a year, and play rock covers in local pubs etc. DH has been to see them a few times. I have seen them once - I was on my way back from a "proper" gig and picked DH up from the pub they were playing in. They were on late, I had the camera with me, so I took some photos for them which they absolutely love. Several of them are now using my pictures as social media profile pics etc. All good.

Fast forward to this week, they have a gig tonight. They've asked DH if he wants to go, and specifically asked for me to come too and bring my camera. I'd provisionally agreed, til I found out that this "gig" is actually them playing at someone's wedding. It's a professional paid job for them, they are not friends of the B&G. Neither me nor DH know the B&G.

I now feel really uncomfortable about this. The band are saying it's OK, they can take who they like along, but effectively gatecrashing a stranger's wedding just doesn't sit right with me. If it was just a birthday party or something then yeah but a wedding? I can't imagine that the B&G will want some stranger with a camera that they don't know wandering about the place. Also when "working" I like to dress comfortably as I often have to be on the floor, or twisting into odd positions to get the shots I want. So stretchy jeans, trainers, tshirt. If it's a formal wedding I am going to stick out like a sore thumb aren't I!

DH says it would be rude to the band to pull out now, I think it would be ruder to the B&G to turn up and I would feel like a proper CF.

Should I go?

OP posts:
VenusTiger · 29/02/2020 18:19

Well OP, if the B&G have booked out the club, your DH won't get in anyway.

CastleCrasher · 29/02/2020 18:20

I was about to say I agree, don't go, but is the social club a public venue, or a private hire? If the former, then it's fine, but if private, I think you're right to say no

Nicolastuffedone · 29/02/2020 18:25

Definitely do not go!

Duck90 · 29/02/2020 18:26

You are on the right page with this. But...
I am visualising your DH standing at the front gazing at them like a super groupie while the dance floor has dancing wedding guests. The guests will wonder what’s wrong with him.

Sunshineboo · 29/02/2020 18:29

My wedding band brought guests. It pissed me off - and they ate the buffet and drank the free booze. Still annoys me now

newyorker74 · 29/02/2020 18:33

speaking as a bride who had to throw 2 couples out of her wedding because they were "thinking about booking the band and they had said they could come along" its a definite no from me. You might also want to mention that the band who did this to me got removed from the preferred band list held by the venue so it could have a knock on impact for them.

Potkettlexx · 29/02/2020 18:38

Are you sure the B&G don’t know?

It could be that the B&G are doing it on the cheap at the social club and the band are doing it for free in order to get a bit of exposure and asked you to go along?

Surely it has to be that scenario as any other scenario it would be so rude of them to invite others!!

EvaHarknessRose · 29/02/2020 18:38

When we were looking for wedding bands we were invited to go and see them play at other people's weddings, obvs not all night.

pinkyredrose · 29/02/2020 19:23

When we were looking for wedding bands we were invited to go and see them play at other people's weddings at the invitation of the bride and groom?

Bobblebop · 29/02/2020 19:51

Wow I would be livid if my wedding band asked some random era along to my wedding! Totally inappropriate!

forrestgreen · 29/02/2020 20:00

Super weird.
As a bride I'd be furious that the band would be playing to the photographer rather than the room.
As a photographer I'd feel quite used.
As your dh, I feel the invite was so my partner would take photos

Duck90 · 29/02/2020 20:11

It’s not really a once in a lifetime opportunity for your DH. They play in pubs, can’t he just catch them there?
Gatecrashing a wedding to see your mates band is beyond weird (IMO).

GabsAlot · 29/02/2020 21:32

My dsis partner is in a band if its private /wedding no you cant go and no they cant invite extra people either! theyre being cf

Scarydinosaurs · 29/02/2020 21:44

Can you get the band to get the permission of the bride and groom?

fargo123 · 01/03/2020 07:37

I think DH is seeing it as just another gig,

Is your DH planning on watching / dancing away in front of the stage area in front of the guests etc? Confused That's totally unacceptable.

If I was the bride or groom I'd be kicking him out of there so fast his head would spin. I'd also seriously consider kicking the band out too, even if I had to plug my iPhone in and use my own music list instead. (Or in this case, asking the second band to fill their spot instead). I certainly wouldn't be paying them, as how dare they use my wedding for their own amusement.

TheGirlWithAPrince · 01/03/2020 08:10

I ould be so mad if a random woman with a camera was in my wedding.. They are paid to play songs and that is all, they don't get a +1 invite

pinkyredrose · 02/03/2020 12:03

What happened @Yambabe did your husband go?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page