Aibu to think in Pride and Prejudice Mrs Bennett is actually the good parent and Mr Bennett is the silly one?

[SuburbanFraggle]

Yes, she is shrill and annoying and he is chilled out and cool HOWEVER they have five daughters, unmarried who together with his wife will be basically destitute if he dies.

In those days a simple infection, broken arm or whatever could quickly kill you. Even if there was a small sum set aside for them they would end up like Miss Bates in Emma; a very meager existence, at the bottom of their social class and unlikely to marry, thus making it a lifelong situation unless they became governesses - the only respectable employment they could find.

The mother realises this and is trying to get them their own households ASAP before they lose the entailed property. There is not much of a dowry, split between five to make them attractive to suitors. Marriage was a BUSINESS DEAL in those days, and if you're lucky you'll be happy too. Mr Bennett just didn't GAF. All this follow your heart business is not helpful when the six of them (widow and daughters) are stuffed in a tiny cottage and relying on handouts.

It was not unreasonable to try and match one with Mr Collins SO THAT THEY COULD STAY IN THEIR HOME. The bookish one would have been a better match with hindsight but she was not unreasonable to expect Elizabeth to do her duty and save the family. For every story that ends with a Darcy there are a hundred more ending in the Workhouse.

Of course they would not end up with zero, probably some small allowance would be in place, the reality is that the women COULD NOT LEGALLY INHERIT Mr Bennett's estate because of the law at that time regarding entailed property.

AIBU to think Mrs Bennett was the better parent because she cared about the welfare of her children even if she went about it in a bumbling way?

Yep. Mr Bennett is cruel. The 'you have delighted us long enough' bit is just mean as fuck.

TBF, I think Austen gets across why Mrs Bennett is an incredibly embarrassing mother to have. But it is an interesting relationship.

Yes totally agree. She was put in a very powerless position and he was very complacent. Mr Bennett was the original 'Disney Dad' who picked and chose and didn't get on with any actual parenting.

I thought Mary a good match for Mr Collins. Although Charlotte Lucas was more capable.
Agree that Mrs Bennett is doing her best. 🙂

I love both characters - my Dad always reminds me of Mr Bennett - lovely and caring but with a salty edge that could sting a little. Mrs Bennett is absolutely my Mum, who thought nothing of telling the family when I first started my periods, as though that would bring along an appropriate suitor any moment.

The characters are so well written and the 90's adaptation captured Mrs Bennett exactly as I'd always imagined her to be.

Agreed! I always think Mrs Bennett gets an unnecessary amount of flack.

Good point. I feel the same about Rose's mother in Titanic.

You're not wrong. It would have been shit to have to basically prostitute one of your daughters to secure everyone's future but that must have been the basis for an awful lot of marriages at the time.

I also always think of Darcy and Bingley visiting brothels in London and worry that they'd infect the sisters with STDs.

Darcy and Bingley what @ Ruby???

Is this a fanfic?

In "Fifty Shades of Mr. Darcy" (which is a most amusing book) the author says:

Mr. Bennett retired to his library and waited for television to be invented

YANBU.

Mrs Bennet was very practical. I do think her portrayal in the tv and film adaptations makes her more of a caricature. I think the book treats her more gently than we have in modern times.

Have you seen a modernised version of Pride and Prejudice called Bride and Prejudice starring Aishwarya Rai. It is a joint UK/Bollywood production and I thought it was an excellent updating of the story.

MayorPrentiss

Disney dad is exactly right.

Yes, or at least they're both supposed to be a mixture of shit and sugar. He completely abdicates responsibility and his attitude could easily have contributed to leaving them all destitute. She may have been trashy but she was a realist.

LangSpartacusCleg I loved it. One of my best bits was the dance equivalent to Mary's piano recital lol.

Both are poor parents. Austen usually isolates a heroine by providing dead or incompetent parents or parent substitutes so she has to find her own way through. Fathers are remote, vain, self-absorbed or indolent. Mothers are overwhelmed, needy, lacking a moral compass or snobbish.

Plus Mrs Bennet had married for love and the reality of that may have dawned on her after long years of marriage. Perhaps, Mr Bennet is defensive? His charm brought him his wife and he must be somewhat aware of her dissatisfaction.

Yes!! Mrs Bennett is the realist - she doesn’t get much choice does she as mr Bennett is so busy doing, oh what is it he does all day? He’s let off way to easily

Janetheimpaler But Mrs Bennett 'married for love' not a farmer or soldier (that she used to admire in their red coats) or a shopkeeper but a gentleman. The house on Zoopla now would be millions probably. He was not a normal guy and she was canny in choosing.

I think HE married her because she was hot, then realized she was not compatible personality wise when it was too late.

We don’t really know as all the characters were deliberately written so they could go either way. For example was Jane as hysterical as Mrs Bennett and overreacted after Bingley left her or was she genuinely heartbroken? Did Elizabeth marry Darcy because she genuinely loved / cared / respected him or did she do it because she was swayed by his country pile? Was Mary as foolish as she was portrayed to be or was it more the case of her not being ‘countenanced’ because of her looks?

I actually don’t think Mr Bennett and Mrs Bennett were too dissimilar. Remember he had already arranged an introduction with Bingley at the beginning of the book, he was just teasing his wife that he hadn’t. I think he definitely wanted his daughters (or at least Jane) to marry well.

There is also the matter of Lydia and Wickham. Wickham and Collins aren’t too dissimilar - both were courting Lizzy first and then went to other women. Both were social climbers.

I always thought that he was nice but a dreamer, a bit of it'll be alright type person, where she was a realist who knew that if she didn't do something her daughters ran real risk of being left destitute. She doesn't come across well but some of that was probably desperation. In terms of the time they were living in she was the most respondible parent of the two, trying to make sure her daughters were provided for.

I got the sense that Mrs Bennett was originally a beautiful and charming young woman (hence managing to marry "above her station"), subsequently driven mad by an emotionally unavailable, gaslighting and cruel husband, who was also a selfish, financially feckless and neglectful father.

I always felt sorry for her.

NearlyGranny

I'm remembering more the BBC version I think, rather than the book. He was portrayed in quite a modern sympathetic light there.

If it were 2020 he would be the reasonable one, but given the financial reality he was actually a CF.

I urge you all to read Longbourn by Jo Baker. It’s a re-telling of P&P from the POV of one of the servants (Mrs Hill’s assistant I think). It’s really very good. You’ll never think of Mr Bennett in the same way again!

Yes the BBC version was very sympathetic to him. Brilliantly done, but I think inaccurate nonetheless.

She's supposed to have been gorgeous and he married her because he was infatuated. She actually wasn't that bad a match money wise, they're supposed to have a bit more cash than some of the other Meryton gentry I think, and her brother is evidently quite well off too. But she isn't gentry.

Doyouwantanothercuppa

It's now on my 'to read' list. Thanks!

At the moment I am reading so much fanfiction, I've not got room for anything else.

Read the book...