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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think Mil is lying

113 replies

SuspiciousOfMil · 28/02/2020 11:40

Mil is always using the I have an appointment excuse to mean she has to visit on the day she wants. The appointment is either on a certain day so she can't visit then so she has to visit this other specific day instead. And that appointment is always in the middle of the day. Or the appointment is in the morning and it's half way to my house so I may as well visit. Amazed how many of these appointments fall on people's birthdays and are always in the morning. This times it's on her birthday and last time it was my sons birthday. That one was a hospital appointment in the morning that was half way between my house and her house when there is a big city in between her house and this hospital. And she got here suspiciously quite to have appointment, have breakfast at a brewsters fair and travel 40 miles on motorway (all completed in an hour and a half from start of hospital appointment).

At this point the I have an appointment (a hospital one or dentist one) has been used so much to visit on the day she wants it's suspicious. AIBU to think Mil is lieing at this point?

OP posts:

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 28/02/2020 12:09

Well either that or maybe, given the number of hospital appointments, she actually does have health issues and she’s wondering why you’ve not asked her about it?

Patchworkpatty · 28/02/2020 12:11

This really sounds to me like she knows you don't want her to visit either her son or your grandson. Therefore feels the need to make up these excuses.

I find it desperately sad and really hope your sons partner doesn't make you feel like this in 20 years time. I can't imagine my MIL having to 'make an excuse' to visit her close family on their birthday as she would have been invited LONG before that point.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/02/2020 12:11

Why would she have to lie?

Does she feel unwelcome? It doesn't sound as if you like her very much.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 28/02/2020 12:11

Why wouldn't you want your child's grandmother to visit him on his birthday? Why does she feel the need to lie about appointments just to visit you? You don't sound very welcoming or as if you like her much

Original poster

SuspiciousOfMil · 28/02/2020 12:13

MatildaTheCat she only wants to visit when it suits her. Hence I have a midday appointment so can't visit that day so I'll come this day instead

OP posts:

CornishPasties · 28/02/2020 12:16

she only wants to visit when it suits her.

Do you actually invite her over though, because it doesnt sound like you do. Did you plan on going to see her for her birthday?

1forsorrow · 28/02/2020 12:16

Well you have an appointment as well, what a coincidence.

TheDailyCarbuncle · 28/02/2020 12:16

Yes of course she's lying. She thinks she can't be truthful. Why is that?

recycledbottle · 28/02/2020 12:17

It is difficult to say. it is sad that she lies but it could be because she feels she is not welcome. Coming the day of her grandsons birthday is normal, I would of thought? If you don't get on with her maybe try to suggest to your DH that he manages the meet ups.

xmasbamechange · 28/02/2020 12:17

My MIL does this! She moved away from the surrounding areas that we all grew up in to a village that is an hour away. She has never changed opticians as she ,”loves the one here” even though there is absolutely nothing special about it. I am absolutely convinced the only reason she does this is to use it to come to ours at a time and day that is convenient to her and is ALWAYS at a time or a day that is inconvenient to us that she knows we would never normally see her, but whilst she’s down here she may aswell apparently. The amount of arguments this has caused between myself and DH.

TheMustressMhor · 28/02/2020 12:18

Okay, I am lost.

itswonkylampshade · 28/02/2020 12:18

This is really sad - she’s creating excuses to come and see you and for some reason doesn’t feel able to ask. Isn’t she welcome?

SuburbanFraggle · 28/02/2020 12:19

Don't bend over backwards. Do what suits you timewise, and if she tries to force you to change just say 'oh well, sorry you can't make it'.

strawberry2017 · 28/02/2020 12:21

Oh I remember her, she insisted she had an early hospital appointment on your sons birthday because you said you were going out for the day and she expected you to sit an wait for her.
But then none of the timings made sense.
You had suggested she come a different day didn't you but that wasn't good enough for her was it?

ChicCroissant · 28/02/2020 12:21

How often do you invite her to visit, or how often do you visit her OP?

Her0utdoors · 28/02/2020 12:22

My mil is the opposite, always has appointments and we have to book her sometimes months in advance so her grandchildren can see her at some point close to their birthdays.

MimiLaRue · 28/02/2020 12:25

Why on earth cant she visit on her grandson's birthday? wouldnt YOU want to see future grandkids on their birthday? thats hardly unreasonable

longtompot · 28/02/2020 12:25

Sounds like she just wants to visit. My parents will usually only drop by if they have a reason to. I don't know why, it's just something they do ie have some reduced treat they thought we'd like, or pick up something I've borrowed for eg.
If you like her visits just say she can come over even when she doesn't have an appointment.

TidyDancer · 28/02/2020 12:32

I can't understand why it would be a problem for her to see her family on her birthday or your DS on his birthday. Have you made her feel unwelcome? That's the only reason I can think of that she would feel she needs to find an excuse to visit.

5foot5 · 28/02/2020 12:33

I think its pretty sad that she feels the only way she is able to visit is to lie about having an appointment. I suspect she has learnt that just asking to visit is always met with a no so she has little choice but to lie.

^This. Poor woman. I feel really sorry for her. She must be really desperate to come and see her DGC

SchadenfreudePersonified · 28/02/2020 12:40

When she's told you where and what time her appointment is I'd tell her we won't be in that day as we also have an appointment same place/time so we'll see her there for a coffee in the local cafe.

Ooooooh! Sneaky!

steff13 · 28/02/2020 12:47

Don't most people only visit when it suits them? Why can't she visit her grandson on his birthday?

Original poster

SuspiciousOfMil · 28/02/2020 12:50

strawberry2017 yes that's the one

OP posts:

Chickychoccyegg · 28/02/2020 12:53

It seems a shame she has to invent excuses to see her family on their/her birthday, those are quite usual things to do.

Original poster

SuspiciousOfMil · 28/02/2020 12:53

MimiLaRue I would want to see them close to their birthday. But I would not expect it to be on the day. As, they could have plans, plans to go out or a kids birthday party etc.

OP posts:

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