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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my six year old sleep in my bed

128 replies

JJPC · 27/02/2020 20:37

My husband has recently left the family home, it’s been upsetting for all of us and my six year old has been struggling to sleep. He’s worried that I will leave too.
To comfort him and help him sleep I’ve been allowing him to sleep in my bed.
I’ve told school about our change in circumstances so they can best support him and as part of this support he has told them that he’s sleeping in my bed. He’s not complained about it or said he doesn’t want to, just that he is.
Today we had parents evening and his teacher called me out for it and was quite critical. I can’t see what I’ve done wrong.
So AIBU to let a 6 year old who’s sad about his dad moving out share my bed for a little while?

OP posts:
Windinmyhair · 27/02/2020 23:12

I would be asking the head why this was brought up.

If there was a legitimate safeguarding concern this should have been taken through the official channels, which do not include talking to or telling the parent off about something at home.

If there was no legitimate safeguarding concern then why did the teacher pass comment.

You are doing nothing wrong.

midwestspring · 27/02/2020 23:17

This teacher doesn't know much about child development or how to support dc through negative events.
Maybe suggest she does some reading on the subject?
What a numpty.

Blackandgreenteas · 27/02/2020 23:29

My 6 yo runs into my bed most nights at some point .

I’m a single mother, and I sleep on the far side of my bed from the door so that I don’t notice if he does. It’s no bother!

He tends to lose the duvet from his bed during the night. Tbh dd at the same age used to whine in her sleep when she lost hers, which woke me up! So I prefer him coming into my bed!

KindKylie · 27/02/2020 23:39

My DC take it in turns to sleep in my bed when their dad is working away. They also often snuggle in with each other. We have such a weird society that sees independent sleep as the most important thing, over and above a child's need for comfort!

AskforJanice · 27/02/2020 23:42

My 7 year often pops in during the night if she needs a cuddle. Even my (just turned) 11 year old crawled into my bed a few nights ago after a really horrible dream. They are both welcome as long as they find comfort in it

BearimyJeremy · 27/02/2020 23:43

My 12 and 10 year old can come in when they can't sleep. That's always been the case. It's perfectly nice and nurturing mothering.

Lynda07 · 27/02/2020 23:49

Mine slept with me and his dad for years, grew up well adjusted. It's quite normal and means everyone sleeps well, also sweet and cosy. It doesn't last forever so cherish it while it does. The teacher was out of order, pay no attention.

angelikacpickles · 27/02/2020 23:55

None of the teacher's business. My almost 6 year old spends half the night in my bed most of the time.

TheHagOnTheHill · 28/02/2020 00:02

When we seperated DD was 12,she slept in my bed often before we left and after,I just told her she could if she wanted to.
I would probably put any teacher right if they had known and commented but the were nothing but supportive.
6 is no age and never sleeping with a parent would be more unusual imo.

TheHagOnTheHill · 28/02/2020 00:06

Though I always found the cosy memories of sleeping with DD have tempered the reality of the wriggling,foot in the face and outflung arm smack across the head.
I miss it but quite happy with my now teen bouncing on my bed if it is accompanied but a cup of tea.

SnoozyLou · 28/02/2020 00:19

None of their business.

RainbowMum11 · 28/02/2020 00:27

My DD6 is currently in my bed, asleep.
Her Dad moved out when she was 2 and she has a great relationship with him, however she often wants the comfort of being close to me. And I love her wanting to be so close too!

ActualHornist · 28/02/2020 01:34

Your husband and the teacher can get to fuck, frankly.

YANBU.

Lifeasweknow · 28/02/2020 01:34

I love it when my 5 year old gets into my bed for sleepy cuddles. As adults, we mostly sleep next to another person and that is normal but small children are expected to sleep alone at an age when they need to feel loved and secure the most? 6 is still so little. None of your teachers business. Cuddle for as long as your child needs it. It's not like they're going to sleeping in your bed at 25.

neverdoingthatagain100 · 28/02/2020 01:37

Oh FG sake
Teacher here too
8 year old daughter sleeping soundly beside me.
She's clean, warm, loved and secure.
What better way to go to sleep?
She has her own lovely bedroom with new bed, but tonight mums room is warmer, and just , why not?
I consider it good parenting that I am here for her.
She's got the rest of her life to sleep in her own bed.
My 18 year old used to do it too but it's a long time since he has!!

WagtailRobin · 28/02/2020 01:42

She has overstepped the mark and personally I would have had no qualms telling her to mind her own business.

Your little boy is looking reassurance and comfort, your his mummy so of course you have not done a thing wrong by letting him sleep in your bed. I remember many an occasion sleeping in my mummy's bed, it's perfectly normal.

idontusuallypanic · 28/02/2020 02:14

Your teacher should go and fuck herself. Angry

My Mum left when I was 7 and I slept in my Dad's bed every night for a year. It was such an enormous comfort to me, I'll always be grateful to him.

shouldhavecalleditoatabix · 28/02/2020 02:17

Can I just say how beautiful it is to read all these mums pouring out love for their little ones. Sometimes it's just so lovely seeing such a huge community of women coming together and protecting their cubs. OP, do what works for you. Before you know it that little six year old will start sprouting hairs and smelling funny and you will not be able to snuggle up in the same way. Cherish these moments and quite frankly, f@ck your ex and f@ck that teacher!!

Takemetovegas · 28/02/2020 02:37

Meh. We play musical beds in my house very regularly (DC 8, 10 and 12) to treat whatever worries the day has brought. The teacher is out of order and sounds like a cold hearted fish, perhaps you should criticise her lack of warmth..

MummytoCSJH · 28/02/2020 03:23

Agree with everyone here, you've done absolutely nothing wrong. You are his safety blanket, everyone likes feeling secure when they sleep and most of all feeling loved which you are giving him. My 5yo sleeps with me most nights and can continue to do so until he decides he doesn't want to. This is soppy but our 'snuggles' are amazing and I constantly look at him snoring away, feel his warmth and think about how lucky I am. Teacher was out of order to even comment.

TitaniaQoF · 28/02/2020 03:42

I’m currently in bed with my nearly nine year old asleep next to me. Where she’s been nearly every single night since she was two. She can sleep on her own, she just prefers to be with me. Ignore the teacher, it’s got nothing to do with them. Do whatever works for you and your child.

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 28/02/2020 06:41

DD6 sleeps in my (huge) bed, always has done. DDog and DCat do too. They all like to be part of the pack and none of us give a toss about others' opinions (apart from the cat who gets a tad embarassed). Do what YOU feel is right for your DC and file other peoples' opinions as what they are, opinions, not rules. Welcome to the delicious freedom of becoming man free OP, it's fab!

MinnieMountain · 28/02/2020 07:04

6yo DS often asks DH to get into bed with him. We have the middle of the night call which is so frequent I often don't notice it.

Yellredder · 28/02/2020 07:19

My eight year old sleeps in with me. She gets scared on her own.

Original poster
JJPC · 28/02/2020 09:07

Thank you so much for the reassurance that I’m doing the right thing. I was really doubting myself yesterday.

My bed is super king size so we both have plenty of sleep and he’s having his usual bedtime, he just needs to know that I’m there if he wakes in the night.

OP posts:
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