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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let my six year old sleep in my bed

128 replies

JJPC · 27/02/2020 20:37

My husband has recently left the family home, it’s been upsetting for all of us and my six year old has been struggling to sleep. He’s worried that I will leave too.
To comfort him and help him sleep I’ve been allowing him to sleep in my bed.
I’ve told school about our change in circumstances so they can best support him and as part of this support he has told them that he’s sleeping in my bed. He’s not complained about it or said he doesn’t want to, just that he is.
Today we had parents evening and his teacher called me out for it and was quite critical. I can’t see what I’ve done wrong.
So AIBU to let a 6 year old who’s sad about his dad moving out share my bed for a little while?

OP posts:

Yellowcakestand · 27/02/2020 22:15

DS will only go to sleep in my bed for the past couple of years (since the Split). Sometimes I can get him into his own bed when I go to bed. Sometimes I can't (and I get 0 sleep!). It's a comfort thing. Sometimes he gets up to use the toilet from his own bed and will run straight back to my room instead of his own.
I feel lucky that he does x

Monetmoney · 27/02/2020 22:17

Aww your poor DS, nothing wrong with that at all. He needs comfort from his mum.

Heck I can remember having a spectacularly bad break up at 19 and falling asleep in my mum's bed

Mummyshark2019 · 27/02/2020 22:20

Teacher is bang out of order. Make an official complaint.

CarolinaPink · 27/02/2020 22:22

Teacher is absolutely idiotic. Ignore her.

Nuts as it probably sounds, I did this with my mum when she finally left my dad - I was an adult. Nobody was harmed.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/02/2020 22:23

I wouldn't have thought to mention it. It's what you do when your child is unwell or upset, isn't it?

peekaboob · 27/02/2020 22:25

All of my DC have slept in my bed, sometimes more than one of them. 2nd youngest left when he was 7 and would still be in with me now if it wasn't for his younger sister cartwheeling in her sleep. There are many cultures where it is totally normal to have the whole family in bed - the Bucket grandparents weren't even related and they topped and tailed

MrsEricBana · 27/02/2020 22:25

I'm very sorry to hear what you've all been going through and not only is it not wrong for your ds to sleep in with you, it's absolutely the right thing. Poor little sausage. My ds slept in with me when my dh was away on business until he was much older than that because he had a sleep disorder and he slept better. It was better for everyone. When he was older he just stopped and that was that, but he felt happier at the time. Hope you are ok. You sound very a kind and loving mum. I too would complain about the teacher.

Antihop · 27/02/2020 22:26

My 5 year old is asleep next to me right now.

MrsBeanHead · 27/02/2020 22:27

My 11 yr old DD had a really bad day at school yesterday and was overtired and tearful. She slept with me because she was so sad and exhausted and just needed to be comforted.

Teacher is an idiot.

Crazyoldmaurice · 27/02/2020 22:27

Sleeping in the same bed as our children is a perfectly biologically normal thing to do; divorce or not.

It's only since the victorians came along and decided we all needed separate beds/rooms that this "issue" has came about. Prior to that even servants shared a family bed with their master.

That teacher is completely out of order.

tinkerbellla · 27/02/2020 22:30

Of course he can sleep in your bed, sounds like you both need the support ❤️. What the fuck has it got to do with the teacher and how could it ever be a bad thing? Hope you are ok.

Dollygirl2008 · 27/02/2020 22:30

My 11 year old DD is snuggled next to me now! It's just us, and I let her now and again as a treat. The time will soon come when she doesn't want to even speak to me, so I consider myself lucky that she wants to be close

BabbleBee · 27/02/2020 22:31

My 7yo is asleep next to me. She’s been unsettled since starting a new school and waking frequently. DH has a long commute with ridiculous hours and needs to sleep so they’ve swapped beds for a bit and everyone’s sleeping. Win win.

My 14yo has PTSD and had a couple of night time panic attacks. She got in with me too for a week or so. No big deal, it’s just what they need at the time.

Mammyloveswine · 27/02/2020 22:34

I'm a teacher and some teachers can be very judgemental.

I've a colleague who's like this... I'm the opposite! I'm usually agreeing saying I know what it's like!

LuckyLickitung · 27/02/2020 22:34

My 6 and 9 yos are no strangers to my bed. They often choose to sit on it when they use their tablets too.

If we were facing that kind of upheaval, they'd be regularly seeking comfort and cuddles in bed. YANBU

Ididit2019 · 27/02/2020 22:40

The teacher is completely and utterly being unreasonable and actually it's quite worrying that someone in the education system with a key role affecting children's emotional well being and responding to their emotional needs (teachers have many important roles other than just academic) has such a lack of understanding in a situation like this. Hold your child tight and give him the most loving hugs and kisses possible. Stroke his hair throughout the night and wake him with a cuddle in the morning. At this moment in time he needs the most live, security and comfort you can give him that's possible. How dare she even make you second guess this causing you to pose the question here.

DDiva · 27/02/2020 22:42

It's hard. Yes for a while its what works. At some point you need to sleep mainly alone.

colinsleftnipple · 27/02/2020 22:51

Tell the stilly cow to mind her own business.
There is nothing whatsoever wrong with this.
My 7yo comes in with me when he's ill. DH gets kicked out. I like to keep an eye on DS and it's a comfort for him.

What a sad world that this would be considered wrong

mildlymiffed · 27/02/2020 22:54

My ds- 10yo... will still come in for the occasional sleepover. More when he was younger. Similar to you, he felt unsettled when ExDH and I separated. It was a comfort for us both I think!

Teacher is wrong. You trust your gut on this one.

Hannsmum · 27/02/2020 22:58

What the h.. is the teachers business? Is that part of her job description 🙄🙄

FortheloveofJames · 27/02/2020 22:58

Personally I don’t think It’s ever wrong to let your six year old sleep in bed with you. Even more so when they clearly need it.

I’d be telling that teacher in no uncertain terms to mind her own

sarie2468 · 27/02/2020 23:01

My DD is 6 and every time DH works away she sleeps with me, its a treat, she loves it and so do I. I'll be gutted when she's too old for it

Redlocks28 · 27/02/2020 23:05

WTF is the teacher talking about. I’m a mum and a teacher and she’s wrong.

howrudeforme · 27/02/2020 23:06

Co-sleeping is the norm around the world!

Ds year 1 teacher brought it up with me and I reminded her that cosleeping globally is normal (for a miriad of reasons) and we’d continue till ds was happy to sleep alone, ta. She then admitted that she’d coslept with her parents till much longer.

I expect the school encourages ‘independence’.

Do what’s best for your dc.

I left my awful marriage when ds 9 and ds crawled into my bed and I held him to sleep as he was upset and exhausted. Ds 13 now and perfectly independent and well adjusted now.

Absolutely normal to comfort children.

MrsEricBana · 27/02/2020 23:07

It naturally stops anyway so you don't need to end it as such.

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