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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let my six year old sleep in my bed

128 replies

JJPC · 27/02/2020 20:37

My husband has recently left the family home, it’s been upsetting for all of us and my six year old has been struggling to sleep. He’s worried that I will leave too.
To comfort him and help him sleep I’ve been allowing him to sleep in my bed.
I’ve told school about our change in circumstances so they can best support him and as part of this support he has told them that he’s sleeping in my bed. He’s not complained about it or said he doesn’t want to, just that he is.
Today we had parents evening and his teacher called me out for it and was quite critical. I can’t see what I’ve done wrong.
So AIBU to let a 6 year old who’s sad about his dad moving out share my bed for a little while?

OP posts:

TheGirlWithAPrince · 27/02/2020 21:37

Wtf?? I have no shame to say that I slept in my mums bed most nights up until I was 16 :o would still do it now if I wasn't in my own house, something about mummy cuddles just makes me feel safe and happy and always did.

People may think it was odd but I don't think so, friends sometimes share beds or top and tail so why is it wierd?

Putyourshoeson99 · 27/02/2020 21:38

Nowt to do with the teacher.

Mamato2gorgeousboys · 27/02/2020 21:40

It’s absolutely none of the teachers business where your ds sleeps. What an idiot!! Do what is right for your child and if he’s happy in bed with you, then let him stay for as long as he wants.

MargotMouse · 27/02/2020 21:41

Just adding my voice to the other posters who have said this was not the teacher’s place to comment, it’s nothing to do with her, and she was very inappropriate.
I’m sorry your family is having a tough time

ALbigbump · 27/02/2020 21:41

Teacher is out of order and you are totally doing the right thing

PinkSqidgyPig · 27/02/2020 21:43

The teacher is wrong. My 11 year old occasionally still sleeps with me (mainly for comfort in illness, or following a recent bereavement).
She slept with me many nights until she was at least six years old, for various reasons. There's nothing wrong with it, and as one lovely nurse said to me 'she won't be wanting to sleep with you when she's a teenager 😂.

Jackiebrambles · 27/02/2020 21:44

Goodness me, the teachers response to a conversation about supporting a little boy when his dad has left.... and they say that???

I'm disgusted. Definitely complain. You keep doing what you are doing, keep him close and give him comfort when he needs it. I wonder if teacher is a parent??

Nonnymum · 27/02/2020 21:46

The teacher has no right to comment on your sleeping arrangements. It is perfectly OK and quote frankly none of their business.

Lolly86 · 27/02/2020 21:47

Whenever I or DH is away with work Dd6 sleeps in with us. Nothing wrong with at all

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 27/02/2020 21:49

@JJPC tell the teacher to get fucked and report her to the head. S/he has absolutely no right to make comment. If they had a legitimate concern then they should have followed the school's safeguarding policy.

My dd (also 6) regularly sleeps in my bed since her dad and I split up. She tells me it is because she doesn't want me to be lonely, I think it is more she needs the reassurance that I am still here and not going anywhere.

You are doing a fantastic thing for your ds. He needs the reassurance and if that is how he wants to obtain it then who is anyone else to judge?!

As for your ex... What would he rather, ds sit up scared all night and refuse to sleep... Become anxious and depressed? He needs a head wobble...

megletthesecond · 27/02/2020 21:50

My 11yr old still sleeps in my bed sometimes. The more I tried to get her into her bed the worse our sleep got.

IRememberSoIDo · 27/02/2020 21:51

I currently have my twelve year old dd on the floor on her z bed as she fractured her ankle today and wants to sleep there instead of her top bunk. Her seven year old sister is in the bed beside me as she wasn't missing out. I have two cats at my feet and dh is going to sleep in princess bunk beds tonight. Whatever works and makes them feel happy and secure. I had terrible sleep anxiety as a child and wasn't allowed in to my parents room very often and I remember lying awake wishing I could go in to them.

Octagoneaway · 27/02/2020 21:53

My son was the same age when his dad moved out. He’s 10 now, and less frequently, but still occasionally comes in to my bed in the middle of the night. It’s totally normal, don’t listen to the teacher.

Starlight456 · 27/02/2020 21:54

Due to a bereavement my 12 year old DS slept in my bed...

good luck to anyone who would wish to comment.

Not her issue to deal with let the teachers teach and us parent.

mamaca · 27/02/2020 21:54

My 6yo DD often comes into our bed during the night! I've never seen anything wrong with it at all, I actually quite like the extra cuddles! 😍

Rubyupbeat · 27/02/2020 21:54

My son slept in our bed until he was 7 or 8.
Stupid teacher, its natural your boy wants to be close at such an unsettling time.

damnthatanxiety · 27/02/2020 21:55

I would actually make a complaint and I have never said that before on MN. In many cultures, sharing a sleeping space is normal. In our culture it is normal in some circumstances also. This teacher is completely out of order and is actually making me concerned for what she/he is suggesting

Sweetbabycheezits · 27/02/2020 21:55

Aww, he's only 6! We regularly had at least 1DC in our bed when they were younger, and when their dad was abroad working, my two would often come in to sleep with me. DD 12 still does it occasionally when she's had a bad dream or can't sleep.
Absolutely nothing wrong with it...that teacher was bang out of order!

Sexnotgender · 27/02/2020 21:56

The teacher is way out of line.

Your son needs comfort and reassurance, how bizarre to think what you’re doing is wrong.

My 12 year old DD shared my bed for over a month post spinal surgery as she couldn’t climb into her cabin bed. You do whatever works for you.

MaryShelley1818 · 27/02/2020 21:57

Absolutely none of her business! You sound like a fantastic mam who puts her child's needs first x

TeachesOfPeaches · 27/02/2020 21:58

I'm a single parent and my 4 year old sleeps in bed with me, it's lovely!

MrsAJ27 · 27/02/2020 21:59

The teacher is an arsehole.... My 12yr old niece and 11yr old nephew sometimes sleep in bed with me! I would make a complaint 2 the school, judgemental twat!

stuffedpeppers · 27/02/2020 22:05

My 11 yr old still grabs his duvet and comes and sleeps on top of my duvet on the other side of my bed, when he is scared.

no one s business but his. He usually disappears back to his bed before I wake up. It is a security feeling.

When EX left I had two little boys in bed with me most nights, they stopped when they felt safe and I never put any pressure on them, other than cursing the need for a good nights sleep where I could stretch out!

Mummyshark2018 · 27/02/2020 22:07

You're doing what is best to comfort your son. Is it because he's a boy that people are more critical do you think? My dd8 sleeps in my bed when my dh works away, probably about two weeks a month.

ferntwist · 27/02/2020 22:08

The teacher is being VVU. YABNU at all. Cuddling up together at night in a situation like this is the most natural thing in the world. Please don’t change your behaviour at all.

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