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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my six year old sleep in my bed

128 replies

JJPC · 27/02/2020 20:37

My husband has recently left the family home, it’s been upsetting for all of us and my six year old has been struggling to sleep. He’s worried that I will leave too.
To comfort him and help him sleep I’ve been allowing him to sleep in my bed.
I’ve told school about our change in circumstances so they can best support him and as part of this support he has told them that he’s sleeping in my bed. He’s not complained about it or said he doesn’t want to, just that he is.
Today we had parents evening and his teacher called me out for it and was quite critical. I can’t see what I’ve done wrong.
So AIBU to let a 6 year old who’s sad about his dad moving out share my bed for a little while?

OP posts:
refusetobeasheep · 27/02/2020 20:58

Your child is experiencing a period of change and you are giving him the comfort he needs. Your instincts are right, don't let others make you doubt them.

LettyFisher · 27/02/2020 21:08

The teacher was out of order. My 7 yo has slept in my bed lots recently - she needs the comfort and I am there to provide that to her.

My older children have slept in my bed too and they are all fine, well adjusted adults now.

shuuush · 27/02/2020 21:08

My almost eleven year old slept in bed with me last night because she felt a bit rubbish.

Tell teacher to mind her own.

LizB62A · 27/02/2020 21:09

When I got divorced and shared custody 50/50, my son was 6 at the time and used to migrate into my bed every single night when he was with me.
He only stopped when things changed a few years later and he started living with me 100% of the time.
He found it comforting, as I'm sure your son is finding it.

The teacher is completely wrong.

DesLynamsMoustache · 27/02/2020 21:10

YANBU at all, and it's nothing to do with her. It sounds like he could benefit from some extra nurturing and comfort due to circumstances and providing that is what a good parent does.

frogsbreath · 27/02/2020 21:11

My 8 year old still has the odd sleepover with me and his dad when he has nightmares.

Yanbu in any way at all

Home42 · 27/02/2020 21:12

My 9 year old arrives about 2am every night! I’ve stopped bothering to argue with her!

fairlyplump · 27/02/2020 21:14

god no you are not being unreasonable , he is 6yrs old, little more than a baby, tell the school to mind there business

thepeopleversuswork · 27/02/2020 21:14

Well shoot me now then as my 9 year old DD frequently sleeps in my bed.

I’m amazed that the teacher felt it was right to take a position on this tbh: what was their argument for why you shouldn’t?

Marmit · 27/02/2020 21:15

God no. Six is so little, and of course your child needs comfort now more than ever. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong.

HildaSnibbs · 27/02/2020 21:16

My 5yo gets in with me every night too. I think the teacher was completely in the wrong both to bring it up and to be disapproving. I'd complain.

pottypotamus · 27/02/2020 21:19

YANBU, my 5 yo ds would love me to sleep in his bed at night. And when my DH was in hospital last year he wanted me close so I did.
You are doing what you feel is necessary to comfort your ds. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Got nothing to do with the teacher.

youwillbelimitedastonumber · 27/02/2020 21:21

The teacher is out of order. I say that as a teacher. My STBEXH left 16 months ago. My children all reacted differently. 9 DD - talked loads, 7 DS - wanted to help, 5 DS - slept in my bed. Still does occasionally. When he’s feeling it more he goes to bed saying, ‘See you in the middle of the night’. He’s 6 now...his Dad rarely sees him. In my opinion it would be heartless to deny that. It won’t be forever. He needs the security.

Toybox88 · 27/02/2020 21:21

The sleeping arrangements of your household have nothing to do with the teacher

lingo · 27/02/2020 21:23

OP I think you have resounding support for your comforting and caring parenting and disapproval of a teacher very much overstepping the mark. I love when my toddler son snuggles into our bed. Keep enjoying those cuddles, it will be doing you both the world of good!

booearing · 27/02/2020 21:24

Right now I’ve got ds 7 asleep in my bed and Dd 5 asleep in my bed
We have just moved house over 200 miles away from everyone they know and right now sleeping with me makes them happy
It won’t last and they will want their own beds soon.
Yanbu

BeerMyHold · 27/02/2020 21:24

Agree wholeheartedly with everyone else. Why would you not want to comfort him? Crazy teacher

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 27/02/2020 21:25

Who on earth does that teacher thing they are!!! I'd have told them to shove it up their nosey arse.

Original poster
JJPC · 27/02/2020 21:27

Thank you for your replies, I was doubting myself as my husband has been quite scathing about it too.

OP posts:
AlpineSnow · 27/02/2020 21:27

It's a good thing not a bad thing. Teacher is wrong

scrivette · 27/02/2020 21:28

Absolutely none of their business. My 4 year old has been in a mattress in our room for the last month and sleeps so much better for it. My 8 year old loves to come in for a cuddle.

Wynston · 27/02/2020 21:29

Got my 8 year old ds snuggled up next to me as we speak......do i care not in the slightest (apart from lack of room)
Its not for ever.....just a moment in time.
I hope that you and you're dc are ok.

Thehop · 27/02/2020 21:31

None of teachers business.

You are his safe place and it’s wonderful of you to let him seek comfort. He’ll go back to his own bed when he’s ready. Just love him whilst he needs it and don’t worry. Sounds like you’re doing an ace job.

Popl · 27/02/2020 21:31

So is the teacher going to come and comfort your child at 3am?
Didn't think so!
None of their business

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 27/02/2020 21:33

I'm a teacher, and currently in bed with my 7 year old as she is sad that she has a blocked nose.... I don't think it is unreasonable at all! That teacher is ridiculous, do not feel bad for comforting your baby