It's always a wedding drama isn't it?!

[TooGlamToGiveADamnn]

One of my friends and co workers is getting married in a few months time and I've been invited for the whole day. Lovely gesture especially since when I got the invite I had not known her long. I was even invited to her hen do, but couldn't go as couldn't afford it after coming back from maternity leave recently.

We aren't best friend close but know each other through others at work. Don't even speak as work different sides of the office.

However, I don't know if I'm being unreasonable and wanted some opinions..
She has asked the close group going to her wedding what we were all wearing for her big day, and because I said I wasn't buying something new as I had some dresses I have not worn yet, I've been told "I would've thought my wedding was a good enough excuse to buy something new!" (Finances are tight and she is aware of this)
She then sent me a message privately saying "I don't want this to come off as rude, but do you still want to come to my wedding? As you don't seem that interested or excited when it's been brought up in conversation? Can you let me know, as I need to confirm numbers in the upcoming weeks"

I understand she is excited for her big day, but it's not me getting married! Why would I be getting excited for her wedding day? AIBU?

Is she young and childless?

If so just a quick calm message to say you are delighted to be asked and can’t wait to celebrate with her.

She's started being a Bridezilla relatively early then.

Silly cow!wear what you want just tell her the dress is new on the day

How weird.

Slight Bridezilla but you got a full day's invite!!
Imo she is now worried you are too skint to bring a gift and hoping you withdraw your acceptance so can invite a more fiscally unchallenged guest...

Yes she's being rude and peculiar but there's no need to add to the drama. Do as GreenTulips says.

Have you actually accepted the invitation? If you have, and to your own admission you’re not super close, then play the game. Be excited for her, ask her how it’s going and don’t be a Debbie about it.

Yes she might be being a bridezilla but that’s a pretty ballsy message to send someone so maybe you just have a downturned face about it at all times and she is wondering if your invite will be a waste of money. As a place at a wedding is expensive!

Why would I be getting excited for her wedding day?

And this is out and out rude, I really hope she hasn’t picked up on this but sounds like she has.

YANBU. I wouldn't be able to get that excited about someone else's wedding unless it was, say, my sister's. I find most weddings quite boring but, obviously the bride will be excited.

I think it's more likely she asked you because she felt like she had to, she hoped you'd decline, but you have accepted.

In your shoes I'd either play the game and be all excited for her, pretend my old dress was new etc. Or come up with a plausible excuse for why you can't attend.

She's just excited!

I guess you gave her the impression that you can’t be arsed and she’s letting you know in an extremely polite way that your “meh” attitude has hurt her feelings. I’d mumble apologetically something about baby and sleep routine and of course you’d still love to come.

If you don’t actually want to anymore, then add however... if she needs to free up some seats for distant relatives, you can completely understand and you’re happy to accommodate. And she can just let you know if she needs to rescind your rsvp

Fuck that wedding. What an incredibly rude message to send you. I would reply, "Actually, dear, no one except you gives two shits about your wedding. Hope that helps!"

Sorry love, but the mistake you made was saying you would wear something you had already.

If you had told a fib and said, oh I'm looking for a dress/outfit at the moment, in "name the high end shop", can't wait to see everyone, it is going to be a fab day..... how would zillaB know any differently what you wear on the day, or care really? Unless she is the type to check labels or something.

Apologies for being so blunt. Just wear what you have, or decline the invite. I know what I would do!

I think I would decline, in your position. It's hard to judge without having seen your wedding-related interactions but unless you were shrugging your shoulders and yawning whenever it was mentioned, her reaction suggests unrealistic expectations.

Yes, any normal person would be pleased at the prospect of a friend's wedding, but 'excited' is a bit much. She could be forgiven for wanting this on the day, but it's unreasonable to expect excitement from guests when the wedding is months away.

It sounds as though she is purposely creating drama - I wouldn't want to be a part of that. I would reply as undramatically as possible - 'I'm sure your wedding will be lovely, but I'm happy to give up my invitation if that's what you'd prefer.'

I would reply, "Actually, dear, no one except you gives two shits about your wedding. Hope that helps!”

Why on earth would anyone go to someone’s wedding who they “don’t give two shits” about?! Why is MN so full of people who think it’s such a drag on their time to be invited to weddings, let alone actually attend one and perhaps even enjoy themselves?!

You write about her like a passing acquaintance who annoys you but if she has invited you to her hen do and full wedding day after only knowing you a short time she must like you and perhaps she is realising she misread the depth of your friendship?
Or, more simply, maybe she is just a bridezilla?

Wow! A real bridezilla. I've never bought a new outfit/dress for anyone's wedding. Not even my own! (I hired my dress)

And as others have said, the chances of her noticing what you're wearing on her wedding day, are zero. Unless you show up in jeans and a scruffy T-shirt of course!!

Or another wedding dress!

Sorry, you seem to have a Bridezilla.
I'd duck out, you can't get child care for the day and will have a screaming breast fed infant in all of the photos that should do the trick

I’d love to hear her side of the story. You’re framing it that her message to you was just about the dress but I bet there’s more to it

That's just rude if all you did was say you were wearing a dress you already had. Have there been other conversations? Could you have offended her in some other discussion about the wedding? And bollocks to needing to be excited about her wedding. Feign interest, fine, but getting excited?! Nob off.

I'm also wondering if your message to her was "I'll see what old thing I can drag out from behind the wardrobe" rather than the way you have phrased it.

I'm not a big wedding fan but if someone is happy, I'm happy. Weddings should be happy - it's a celebration of love. Be happy for her.

I’m guessing she is rescinding your invite you but not brave or rude enough to come right out with it.