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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's always a wedding drama isn't it?!

88 replies

TooGlamToGiveADamnn · 27/02/2020 18:39

One of my friends and co workers is getting married in a few months time and I've been invited for the whole day. Lovely gesture especially since when I got the invite I had not known her long. I was even invited to her hen do, but couldn't go as couldn't afford it after coming back from maternity leave recently.

We aren't best friend close but know each other through others at work. Don't even speak as work different sides of the office.

However, I don't know if I'm being unreasonable and wanted some opinions..
She has asked the close group going to her wedding what we were all wearing for her big day, and because I said I wasn't buying something new as I had some dresses I have not worn yet, I've been told "I would've thought my wedding was a good enough excuse to buy something new!" (Finances are tight and she is aware of this)
She then sent me a message privately saying "I don't want this to come off as rude, but do you still want to come to my wedding? As you don't seem that interested or excited when it's been brought up in conversation? Can you let me know, as I need to confirm numbers in the upcoming weeks"

I understand she is excited for her big day, but it's not me getting married! Why would I be getting excited for her wedding day? AIBU?

OP posts:
Twooter · 27/02/2020 22:57

How big is the office?

Russellbrandshair · 27/02/2020 23:10

You’re both being weird here and I think you are just acquaintances and clearly not destined for a close friendship. I’d decline, you both rub each other up the wrong way.

She seems weirdly intense about her wedding - interrogating you about what you’re wearing, querying why you aren’t weeing yourself out of excitement for her wedding. You seem more laid back but also weirdly dismissive of her. Why accept her invite if as you say in your OP you barely know her, aren’t best friends and rarely see each other at work? Don’t go if you have to tell us how little she means to you. Let her use those seats for someone who really cares about her.

You aren’t destined to be close friends. You’re very different and don’t seem to understand where each other is coming from so let it go.

Fiberoptic · 27/02/2020 23:17

Why would she ask you to the full day of you don’t know her that well?

Is she just filling numbers out

OR

She thinks your great friends and you just can’t be arsed

Or

You have resting bitch face. My cousin gets accused of being a moody grump cow all the time - but she isn’t! It’s just how she is Grin

Fiberoptic · 27/02/2020 23:19

Why would I be getting excited for her wedding day? AIBU

Don’t go and save her the money

Pieceofpurplesky · 27/02/2020 23:31

Be happy for her. Tell her you are excited and are sorry if it sounded like you weren't. Tell her you have a dress
You bought for an occasion but have never worn it (you could say you bought it before baby and had to buy a new one with being pregnant).

Dustarr73 · 27/02/2020 23:54

You call her a friend but you are not that close.I think that text message is a get out clause for you.She invited you thinking you where closer that what you are,Shes realised thats not the case,so has sent that message,

If you are not bothered about going,tell her and let her get someone who will want to be there.And give a shit about he
r wedding.

BumbleBree · 28/02/2020 00:02

I wonder if the bride took it as you being bitchy about it and replied like that when it wasn’t really about the dress at all.

Wanda1988 · 28/02/2020 09:49

Without having an exact transcript of every conversation you have had with the bride regarding her wedding, it’s difficult to pass judgement on who is at fault here. Of course you should not be expected to attend hens or buy a new outfit, but if you really don’t want to go...save her the cost of catering for you and save yourself the effort

messolini9 · 28/02/2020 10:19

She then sent me a message privately saying "I don't want this to come off as rude, but do you still want to come to my wedding? As you don't seem that interested or excited when it's been brought up in conversation? Can you let me know, as I need to confirm numbers in the upcoming weeks"

Silly bitch.
I wonder if she's the same person as the poster who wanted to sack her "best friend" as bridesmaid for the insuperable crime of not sending her an engagement card?

Send a message back saying "Oh, I thought I had already sent you my acceptance - have you not seen it? Of course I am still coming, cheers, TooGlam"

CallmeBadJanet · 28/02/2020 17:38

Try and source the most ridiculous onesie available, and wear that. Controlling much?

DrManhattan · 28/02/2020 18:27

Shes pretty deluded if she thinks ANYONE is that interested (apart from her and possibly the husband)

Ellisandra · 28/02/2020 18:35

Seems like you’ve quoted her exactly, but only paraphrased what you said.

She clearly says it’s about your lack of interest on more than one occasion.

Your reply? It’s impossible to say without the wider context and the specific discussion.

Imagine a group conversation with upbeat chatter about shooing for new dresses. (Frankly, I’d hate it!)

But there’s a works of difference between:

  • ooooh, they all sound like nice ideas, can’t wait to see everyone dressed up on the day! I’m not buying new as I’ve got some dresses I haven’t worn yet - great to get an occasion to! 🙂

and

  • I’m not getting anything new because I’ve got some dresses I haven’t worn yet
meganorks · 28/02/2020 19:05

I think you are reading too much into her 'buy new' comment to be honest. Lots of people do love to buy a new outfit for a wedding as much as going to the wedding itself. I wouldn't take that as her insisting you buy something.
Regarding the not being excited i could see how that might come across if everyone else was excitedly talking about their new outfits and you just matter of factly state you are going to wear something out your wardrobe and don't even describe it. I'm not saying you a wrong to do that, just I can see how it might come across in some circumstances.
I also wouldn't assume like some have that your invite is revoked. Nor would i assume that this is about not having a new dress.

Rose87777 · 28/02/2020 19:26

I literally don’t know one person who would behave like this. I’m embarrassed for her - what a loon!

Rachel709 · 28/02/2020 19:29

Do you actually want to go? If you do be nice and just say you are looking forward to it. If you don't pull out.

BumbleBeee69 · 28/02/2020 19:33

the lass needs to get a bloody grip...

thepeopleversuswork · 28/02/2020 19:34

Sorry to play to the stereotype of people on MN who hate weddings. But I really hate weddings and all who sail in them. And this is one of the reasons why.

So your refusal to shell out a load of money on a dress you will wear once and not to feign false excitement about someone else’s wedding is a sign of poor character. And it’s your fault for not lying to her about this?

This is crazy. I can’t see why you would want to go to the wedding of someone so neurotic and self centred.

Sack it off.

Twinkled · 28/02/2020 19:36

Yes bridezilla but do as green tulips says.

ContessaferJones · 28/02/2020 20:30

She does sound a bit precious. I wore an old £15 dress to my sister's wedding because it had a motif I knew she'd like. She bloody loved it too (and would cheer my frugality if she knew the price) Grin

People are all very different I suppose!!

greeneyedlulu · 28/02/2020 20:49

Tell her you have a beautiful white ball gown you've been dying to wear but just haven't had the occasion!

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 28/02/2020 21:05

I think you actually DON'T seem that bothered about going. She's probably paying a lot of money out for day guests to attend. This isn't about you not buying a new dress, she's picked up on your lack of being bothered. It's not too much to ask that your day guests act as though they want to be there.

HostessTrolley · 28/02/2020 21:50

‘I bought this dress a while ago because I loved it, I’ve been waiting for a really special day to wear it’

Tubs11 · 29/02/2020 06:13

I don't understand why you'd go into detail about not buying a new dress with her. This is the catalyst for sure.

Tubs11 · 29/02/2020 06:18

For the record, I don't think you need to buy a new dress for the wedding. I often wear dresses I've worn before to other people's weddings but I'd never go into detail about it with the bride.

Lincolnfield · 29/02/2020 06:26

Mmm, I’d like to hear her point of view as well. When she made the comment about her wedding being an excuse to buy a new dress she could have been meaning that kindly- particularly if you’ve been going on at work about being hard up. She might have thought it gave you a valid excuse to treat yourself. You’d already told her you couldn’t afford to go to her hrn do, so she’s probably feeling sorry for you.

In terms of not getting excited - it depends how you’re behaving. Are you doing the eye roll every time she mentions it, or rushing to change the subject as soon as you can?

Unless she’s a complete dickhead she won’t expect you to be ott with excitement but some interest doesn’t hurt anyone.

I’m never interested when colleagues come in announcing that they’re pregnant. My boys are all grown up and I’m seriously not interested in other people’s babies but I make the right noises and click and coo when said infant Is paraded at work. It might be a bit hypocritical but at least nobody’s feelings are hurt.

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