It's always a wedding drama isn't it?!

[TooGlamToGiveADamnn]

One of my friends and co workers is getting married in a few months time and I've been invited for the whole day. Lovely gesture especially since when I got the invite I had not known her long. I was even invited to her hen do, but couldn't go as couldn't afford it after coming back from maternity leave recently.

We aren't best friend close but know each other through others at work. Don't even speak as work different sides of the office.

However, I don't know if I'm being unreasonable and wanted some opinions..
She has asked the close group going to her wedding what we were all wearing for her big day, and because I said I wasn't buying something new as I had some dresses I have not worn yet, I've been told "I would've thought my wedding was a good enough excuse to buy something new!" (Finances are tight and she is aware of this)
She then sent me a message privately saying "I don't want this to come off as rude, but do you still want to come to my wedding? As you don't seem that interested or excited when it's been brought up in conversation? Can you let me know, as I need to confirm numbers in the upcoming weeks"

I understand she is excited for her big day, but it's not me getting married! Why would I be getting excited for her wedding day? AIBU?

Do you actually want to go to this wedding? Because you sound quite bemused that you've been invited and like you really can't be arsed to go.

Put the poor girl out of her misery and decline the invite if you don't want to even feign any enthusiasm about it.

Send her a text with a really over bearing reply like it's the absolute focus of your life and you have booked your life round it and even got the Pope to babysit for ya

For some reason weddings turn some brides into beings that search out the slightest incident of misunderstanding or turn a normal conversation into a major insult.

If this was a birthday party and you'd said 'oh I'll probably wear something I've got in my wardrobe but not worn yet' you'd have half a dozen people agreeing. But for some reason some brides seem to think you'd go out a buy something 'special'. Whereas in the real world, that normally only applies to mothers of the bride/groom, those who always do that or those with money to burn.

Most of us do exactly what you're doing (or, in my case, resurrect something you wore to a birthday bash or some unrelated wedding a few years back). It's normal - she's not at the moment.

So, ignore it, say you're really looking forward to it and, if you think it'd help, tell a lie and say you've decide you WILL go out dress hunting - then wear the thing she's not seen, doesn't know about and wouldn't care less about on the day.

Send her a text with a really over bearing reply like it's the absolute focus of your life and you have booked your life round it and even got the Pope to babysit for ya

Why would anyone do that, that's just childish, the people involved are adults aren't they?

Up to you if you still want to go, the bride has given you a get out if you no longer want to. Having any input on what you wear is bridzilla-ish but if you aren't that close how will she know when you bought whatever you wear. Lesson learnt there, be non comittal on outfits in advance of an event

If you want to go, reply back saying how excited you are and you've just ordered a fab new dress online. Wear whatever you were planning to wear, no one will mind/care/notice on the day, least of all the bride

Make a bride(zilla) shrine at home
Have a plaque with "825 days to the big day" a miniature wedding cake, a bouquet and a barbie doll with a photos of her face on it. Send her a pic saying THIS is how friggin excited I am! And all will be well.
Don't really if you want to go, placate her, send her a text saying of course I'm excited, can't wait. Don't worry, my dress is lovely and I'm very much looking forward to it.

wear what you want just tell her the dress is new on the day

Absolutely!

Or tell her that you were really tempted to buy a new dress, but it would have meant getting a less wonderful wedding present for her and her beloved. And you thought they were worth the best you could afford

Maybe she’s thinking you don’t actually want to go but didn’t want to seem rude by declining so she’s offered you a way out quietly?

I would message her and say your delighted to be invited and can’t wait!

Some people on here really do jump to nasty thoughts about people don’t they?!

Wow, she has some neck.
Some people really do think they are the centre of the universe.
She's a nutter.
I didn't expect anyone to be excited for my wedding, but I hope people would enjoy it while they were there.

Be upfront, ya I'm exited, no I don't have the money to buy a dress, but luckily I have lots of lovely options. Im sure your day will be fun.

Wear one of your dresses and tell her it is new.

Just pretend you are excited for her wedding. It´s what people usually do.

@coconuttelegraph

It's called a joke a ridiculous joke to a ridiculous situation

Isn't it a fact that all weddings are terribly boring apart from your own? Wear what you want to wear.

The purpose of her message is to bounce you into conforming to her idea of a grateful and enthusiastic invitee - I get the sense she wouldn’t care much if you faked it. Well, fuck that. I would tell her - to her face - that you’re delighted to be asked and are looking forward to the day. And then behave exactly as you see fit. Dare her to properly uninvite you.

Reply ‘yes I have a new dress’ and wear something you already own. She won’t know.
Do you want to go?

"What a coincidence that you asked this just now, as I have only just found out that I have no-one to look after my baby for the day so can't attend. It's such a shame as I was looking forward to it so much. I hope you have a fabulous day and I can hardly wait to see the photos."

Hard to know what to do really.

On the basis of what you've written, it does seem that she is really overreacting to what was a totally reasonable statement on your part. I wonder if she is annoyed you didn't go to the hen do. I've heard people kick off over that sort of thing before.

I think for the sake of a peaceful work environment I'd probably just reply saying that I was looking forward to attending and then leave it at that.

On the other hand if she is going to be one of those brides who expect the world to revolve around them and she is going to want you to do performative enthusiasm about the wedding everyday - I'd be tempted to drop out of the whole thing.

Well, I have sometimes been excited about attending someone else's wedding. You must have come across as not caring about it all especially when saying you were not going to buy new clothes. It would have been better to say you hadn't yet made your mind up what sort of outfit you would be wearing. People about to be married are usually stressed and often quite sensitive to remarks that aren't meant to be downers

If you like her and want to go to her wedding just tell her you are really looking forward to it.

What a strange and childish way to behave. Dictating what people should be wearing and saying you should buy new? Doubly awful if she knows you don’t have much money.
Selfish cow.

OP didn't go to the hen do or join in enthusiastically in the dress discussion. Maybe the bride is genuinely wondering if the OP wants to go the wedding?

Honestly, wedding invites shouldn't be recinded because someone doesn't gush enough about your wedding, attend your hen do, or buy a new dress for the wedding. Why on earth should the OP pretend she's buying a new dress? That's utterly ridiculous.

If you are not actually happy and excited for her, then you shouldn't be going. Best to politely decline, she has now given you that opportunity.

Most wedding guests are thrilled to see their friend getting married, as most brides want their friends to be happy for them. It's not unreasonable. Clearly she just doesn't mean much to you...?

I wonder if you unintentionally came off as uninterested. Eg'what are you wearing?'
'not sure I've got a few dresses hanging around I could chuck on'. Or perhaps you let on you were surprised to get an invite and now she's slightly regretting it?

If you've been (probably feigning) interest and excitement just not as ott excited as she'd like then she's probably in full wedding mania and will be cringing at herself in a year's time (unless she's generally a drama queen).

I'd probably just say you're thrilled to be going, can't wait etc and carry on being happy for her.

Christ! She sounds awful. If someone said something like that to me regarding their wedding,knowing that I wasn't well off,I think I'd be making my excuses. Sounds like she's turned into Bridezilla already. I'm just relieved that now I'm in my mid 50,there aren't any weddings going on in my social circle. All my friends/relatives are either all happily married,or divorced and swearing 'never again'. There didn't seem to be this level of 'entitlement' by the bride-to-be',or any of this Bridezilla behaviour that seems to be so common nowadays that it's almost regarded as normal.

aww can't you just pretend to be excited for her, is it really so difficult to, she is just excited, be kind, dont listen to some of these nasty comments on here, there are some horrible people on here

I agree with Greentulips and Fairlyplump. It’s a huge deal for her, so why not join in the excitement and you may even find some of the enthusiasm rubs off on you. Win-win.