AIBU to think she shouldn’t have manhandled my child.

[TheNightKing]

Picked up DS2 from preschool. He started throwing a bit of a tantrum about a lost glove. He then ran into their staff room, away from me. I was half way across the staff room about to get him out myself when the nursery manager grabbed him by the top of his arm and dragged him out. I am fuming but don’t know if my feelings are coloured by my dislike of the women (I find her to very rude and abrupt in general) and the fact I’m not in my usual state of mind (depression). So AIBU or not? Please be kind, I’m struggling at the moment as it is hence why I’m asking to see if my reaction is justified.

I would say not unreasonable for her to remove him from an area he should not have been, or if he was in somewhere dangerous (obvs not the case).
She may not have see that you were there, and if she had, it would have been reasonable for her to wait for you to grab him.

I think YABU because it sounds like she just removed him from where he wasn’t supposed to be.

But hard to tell since none of us witnessed it!

Are you getting help for your depression?

She was there on the spot and you weren't. Who knows what damage he could have caused to himself or anything else?

How else do you suggest she stopped him going there?

Absolutely agree that he shouldn’t have been in there but she definitely saw that I was coming to get him. That’s why I’m annoyed, it’s not as though I wasn’t around or was stood there doing nothing.

Answering honestly, did she just lead him from the room a bit strongly or was it done with aggression? I'm assuming he wasn't literally dragged through the room but more strongly led out of the room by his shoulder?

I can picture doing this with the kids at our house if they were acting particularly naughty when they were younger. Not done with aggression but done in a 'im not messing about now, come on' kind of way.

Would you have done a similar thing yourself and are upset because they didn't leave it to you to deal with or do you really believe it was too much?

What else do you think she should have done?

I don’t think she was being unreasonable. I’d expect any child who runs into s staff room to be marched out again.

Maybe she didn't want you in the private staff area either. She solved the problem in the quickest way possible and sent a clear message to your son.

@OhCaptain no, I’m not getting help at present. My doctors are pretty useless and I know they will just put me on anti depressants which is not a route I want to go down if I can help it.

@10FrozenFingers I was two strides away from him. He wasn’t touching anything, just standing there crying. She could have kept the door closed like they do most of the time or allowed me, his mother, to deal with him approximately 1.5 seconds later.

Yes I think you’re being unreasonable. Chances are she thought she was helping you out & saving you having to chase him round the room, if she was right there near him.

YABU and over sensitive

My doctors are pretty useless and I know they will just put me on anti depressants which is not a route I want to go down if I can help it.

What route would you like to take? I only ask because you really should be getting help.

She was in work and it’s her job. She got there quicker, that’s all.

Maybe they don’t want parents in the staff room? I don’t know it just doesn’t sound like that big a deal!

What would you like your doctors to do for you? Have you asked why might be available rather than anti-depressants?

My issue isn’t necessarily what she did but the fact she took over when I was just a second behind. The area is “private” as such - it’s where they bring parents in for the regular meetings about their child’s progress.

It seems I am being UR though from the responses.

Was her handling of ds rough? If so Yanbu, absolutely no need to drag a toddler around by their arm in a rough manner for simply running in to a room and crying.

Maybe she sensed you are struggling so decided to take charge of the situation. You probably are being over sensitive but that’s to be expected given your depression.

None of my business but why are you against ADs? I used to be but I gave in once and for all and they have transformed my life in such a positive way. Hope you feel better soon either way.

Should she have just stood there and let him continue until you got to him? She did the right thing.

@OhCaptain @FredaFrogspawn tbh, I’m not sure what I want to do regarding my depression. I’m trying supplements that are supposed to help those with depression along with walking. It’s taking the edge off but I don’t feel “myself”. I know that realistically the only other options are some sort of counselling or antidepressants.

Don't be so sensitive. He wasn't hurt, what's the issue?

@ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt my mum had a nervous breakdown W about 25 years ago. They put her on antidepressants and she said she felt “spaced out” and “like a zombie”. It’s definitely affected my feelings on antidepressants.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. As long as she knew you were coming to get him and he wasn’t in danger then why would she need to grab his arm.

I would be concerned about how she deals with children when parents aren’t there if she is willing to do that in front of them. I would certainly be having a word!

If she scooped him up and took him out I wouldn’t have an issue, rough grabbing and pulling/dragging isn’t on IMO. If it was as rough as your describe I wouldn’t be happy either.

I think you need to see your gp about your depression, if your ankle was broken would you just let it self heal because you don’t like hospitals? I think you know depression untreated can be very dangerous.

You need to see your doctor. Anti depressants may work for you, they do for millions of others, but if not there are other ways to address it.

please take antidepressants. They helped me enormously. Also you knew that you were going to stop your child but how was she suppose to know. People are not mindreaders.

I know so many people who have been basically saved by antidepressants. They finally feel happy and good about life again and realize how low they actually were. Antidepressants have improved immensely since 25 years ago and I hope you speak to your doctor.