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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you'd deal with a sweary infant?

137 replies

MargotsBumpyNight · 24/02/2020 17:37

I'm from the unfortunate Malcolm Tucker school of Scottishness.
Husband is no better. I see him reaching for acceptable words for the children, brow furrowing in concentration, a split second before he calls them 'buggers'.

We know we are neither big nor clever.

Our reward for our verbal indiscretion is our 3 year old has recently taken to exclaiming 'BLOODY HELL' in the last few weeks.

Now I'm not particularly offended by swear words, but I know others are and this would not be appropriate, for example, while struggling with the play dough sausages in nursery.

I've told DS that those are grown up words and should only be used at home. He seems to be accepting this. Obviously if he was using swear words in a different way, calling people names, I would handle this differently and it definitely wouldn't be Ron Weasley cute.

I suppose I'm wondering what the general MN consensus is on swearing and appropriate language?

OP posts:
Lawratalulabel · 24/02/2020 21:20

Let’s see your kids never swear, I’ll put a bet on at William Hill!

Lawratalulabel · 24/02/2020 21:22

Interestingly I grew up with a dad who swears every other word and I have friends and have never been lonely despite my swearing my whole life

Lawratalulabel · 24/02/2020 21:26

Agreed. I would hasten to add my sister went into school saying “bugger me buttocks” (age 6ish) and my cousin sang along to Fat Boy Slim’s “fucking in heaven” song (age 3). They are both fully functioning adults now. And, despite some of the judgey comments on this post, they have social lives and weren’t ousted from society for swearing at a young age

SwearyMcSwearySwear · 24/02/2020 21:43

If different I think in kids picking up a swear word now and again, and letting your 3 year old swear at home...

yellowallpaper · 24/02/2020 21:48

DS2 has picked up some swear words from us. Luckily he has a pronounced lisp and misses consonants because of glue ear, so it's only us that realise the extent of it. Not had a fuck it yet, thank fuck.

MrsClatterbuck · 24/02/2020 21:53

Apparently when I was 4 I called my sister a bloody bitchShock which did not go too wellBlush No idea where I had heard it as my DP's didn't swear especially DM.

BoudoirPink · 24/02/2020 22:01

I can’t get worked up about this, as long as it’s not replacing other vocabulary or restricting the child’s speech.

DS, who is 7, can swear in three languages and knows what a minced oath is. Grin

BlimeyCalmDown · 24/02/2020 22:12

The day my 2yr old said 'oh fuck' when she dropped something was day I stopped swearing in front of her (it was only ever very occasional as well).

Rosspoldarkssaddle · 24/02/2020 22:31

Puggy bell?
Change to something stupid and question why.
My kids soon realised that I was laughing at their "mispronounciation". When ds1's Lego tower collapsed I heard "shit". I laughed and said that's not a ship, that's a tower. He looked confused and I never heard it again. When I heard "Fuck", this became duck, followed by me quacking and him joining in. When my 4 year old came in asking what a cunt was, I went and spoke to the builders next door!

Footymum81 · 25/02/2020 06:55

I remember, aged about 7, picking up ‘Oh Fuck!’ from another kid at school who said it when I caught him playing a chasing game. Got home, dropped something on the floor, and decided to show off my new phrase to my mother! She was not impressed and I was sent straight to bed!

As a teenager we had a rule that swearing was only allowed when reporting what someone had said (ie John at school told me to fuck off that’s why we’ve fallen out type thing) This rule worked fine until we started going to watch our local football team...

Nanny0gg · 25/02/2020 07:18

I'm a bit shocked that an infant would be judged to the extent they wouldn't be invited on play dates confused As many pps have said, children can pick up bad language from anywhere.*
They can. But the automatic assumption will be that they learned at home.

I don't understand why grown adults can't control their language in front of children. Do you all swear like troopers when you're out shopping or to diiner?

Ginfordinner · 25/02/2020 08:21

I don't understand why grown adults can't control their language in front of children. Do you all swear like troopers when you're out shopping or to dinner?

I'm baffled as well NannyOgg. Do they swear when doing a presentation to a client, or at a patient or at pupils in school? Surely, if you can control your potty mouth at occasions where it is necessary then you can stay curse free in front of your small children?

Weebitawks · 25/02/2020 08:30

I've always sworn Infront of my kids. They don't swear. In my experience, the kids who are the worst at swearing are the ones who never hear the words and whose parents s treat it like some big mystery.

I'm allowed to swear and my children understand that they can't. They also understand that I can drive a car and drink alcohol and they can't.

JRUIN · 25/02/2020 08:45

Reminds me of when my eldest DD was 2 and a half. She was in the hallway when the postman put the mail through the letter box making her jump and she exclaimed "Oh shit!" I just laughed I'm afraid. I can't remember her swearing after that though, or indeed any of my kids even though I was guilty of sometimes letting the odd swear word slip out.
Back to your DS OP 'Bloody hell," though not very nice to hear repeatedly out of the mouths of young kiddies , is not too bad a word as far as swearing goes, so I would try to ignore for now and train yourself to say "OH my gosh" or something similar for your child to copy.

FizzyIce · 25/02/2020 08:50

We are very sweary, I always have been but thankfully dd 8 knows this is wrong and she won’t even say “stupid” as she thinks that’s a bad word too so hopefully we’re ok .
She wouldn’t dare swear at school as she’s too worried the teacher would find out

Toastytoes1 · 25/02/2020 09:14

I don't think it's fair to tell your son off when you're using that language which is precisely where he got it from. It's a very difficult concept for such a small child to grasp... Words that can be said in one environment but not another, he's only 3. The best approach is surely for you and your partner to stop swearing and when he swears ignore him so he doesn't get any extra attention for using those words but if he stops hearing them, he'll stop using them.

thebabessavedme · 25/02/2020 09:36

my 4yo dgs knows plenty of swear words, all learnt from home Blush, he likes to tell me I have just used a 'naughty word' but does like the phrase 'bugger off', he did tell me the other day, in a moment of pure frustration at my refusal of another fucking round of paw patrol on tv that I was 'a bunch of lettuce' Grin

ime, kids swear, just ignore it and it stops, reaction and attention is all they want, just redirect it to something positive.

Nanny0gg · 25/02/2020 09:40

I'm allowed to swear and my children understand that they can't. They also understand that I can drive a car and drink alcohol and they can't.

Yes. But you do those things appropriately.

Why is swearing in front of young children in any way 'appropriate'?

Booksandwine80 · 25/02/2020 11:05

We’ve recently had a phase of DD who is almost 3 using “fuck off” “silly twat” and “stupid cow” Blush

We ignored it and she has stopped, seemingly because she got no reaction.

And we are now more careful in choosing our words Grin

BilboBercow · 25/02/2020 13:54

Working class and upper class don't give a shit, it's the middle class who think it's vile?
I'm very working class and I think hearing a small child swear is grim.

Nanny0gg · 25/02/2020 15:11

And we are now more careful in choosing our words

It's taken you till she's 3?

And the trouble is, once they know them, they're not put away in the box permanently. You don't know when they'll come out again

Nanny0gg · 25/02/2020 15:12

And kids only swear if they've heard the words. There is no need for them to hear them at home.

Booksandwine80 · 25/02/2020 15:14

@Nanny0gg

ODFOD

Don’t try and make yourself look superior by belittling someone else. Take that shit somewhere else Hmm

Sweetbabycheezits · 25/02/2020 15:22

I was SO good about being careful about swear words when my DCs were young. Now they're almost teens, I'm a bit more relaxed, but I always remind them that I don't swear at or about anyone, it's normally out of my own frustration, pain or clumsiness. We talk pretty openly about the words, and always answer if they ask what something means, and although I'm pretty certain they swear when they're with their mates, I've never actually heard them in the house or when we're with family.

LakieLady · 25/02/2020 15:48

When I was about 3 or 4, I said "fuck" about something. My (sweary) mother explained that certain words weren't really polite and that I should only really say them at home, and absolutely NEVER at school, in front of Auntie Eileen or in front of my grandmother.

That worked fine until went to work in a very sweary environment in my mid-30s. Swearing was so commonplace, I now say "fuck" without even realising. Thankfully, I still work in a sweary environment, albeit not the same one.