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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you'd deal with a sweary infant?

137 replies

MargotsBumpyNight · 24/02/2020 17:37

I'm from the unfortunate Malcolm Tucker school of Scottishness.
Husband is no better. I see him reaching for acceptable words for the children, brow furrowing in concentration, a split second before he calls them 'buggers'.

We know we are neither big nor clever.

Our reward for our verbal indiscretion is our 3 year old has recently taken to exclaiming 'BLOODY HELL' in the last few weeks.

Now I'm not particularly offended by swear words, but I know others are and this would not be appropriate, for example, while struggling with the play dough sausages in nursery.

I've told DS that those are grown up words and should only be used at home. He seems to be accepting this. Obviously if he was using swear words in a different way, calling people names, I would handle this differently and it definitely wouldn't be Ron Weasley cute.

I suppose I'm wondering what the general MN consensus is on swearing and appropriate language?

OP posts:
SimonJT · 24/02/2020 19:47

My sons in reception, he proudly corrected his primary school teacher who told the class that pigeons are called pigeons, when they are in fact called “fucking pigeons” something I was often shouting when we got one in the flat. They’re now flapping pigeons.

He heard a friend say “oh you what a wanker” once, guess what my sons favourite phrase was for about two weeks!

Mitzicoco · 24/02/2020 19:51

I haven't taken your comment the wrong way at all . You are implying that people with TS swear and that is not always the case. You were generalising.

janemaster · 24/02/2020 19:52

I really dislike young children swearing and don't find it at all funny or cute. But DP and I rarely swear.

Original poster
MargotsBumpyNight · 24/02/2020 19:53

Quite a mixed bag of views. I really appreciate everyone's responses.

I'm a bit shocked that an infant would be judged to the extent they wouldn't be invited on play dates Confused As many pps have said, children can pick up bad language from anywhere.

@SwearyMcSwearySwear I didn't realise swearing was a class issue. Is it a Billy Connolly type situation.. Working class and upper class don't give a shit, it's the middle class who think it's vile? Grin

OP posts:
newnamewhosthis · 24/02/2020 19:56

I feel you pain DP dropped gravy granules all over the kitchen floor and swore under his breath To which I responded Daddy don't swear giving him the heads up the DD who is only 2.5 is listening. she then promptly turned around and said Daddy don't say fuck sake Shock 😂

At least she knew who words were the swear ones Hmm

Redtrunks · 24/02/2020 19:57

I’m not sure how you expect him to stop swearing if you and his dad can’t? Is it really that difficult? 🙄

iMatter · 24/02/2020 20:00

I realised I was a bit lax with my language when my kids were toddlers and ds1 dropped a cup of milk and said "bollocks" without batting an eye lid.

They are teens now and we are very relaxed about swearing but they know there's a time and a place not to do it

Rhea1981 · 24/02/2020 20:03

I don't swear too much but partner does terribly. They will repeat what they hear. When mine were younger I would try and not draw too much attention to it and just replace the swear word with something else, like oh sugar, fudge or whatever. My eldest face would light up if he heard a swear word and he'd repeat so I would say something like oh fudge, wally, silly billy etc and then cover my mouth, eyes wide like I'd said something really naughty and then he would copy that instead. As they got older I did tell them that those words are not nice and not for children to use and they understand. I wouldn't tell them it's ok to swear at home as it will become habit. It's hard to always watch what you say and sometimes things we say ourself don't sound too bad but when you hear a child say it it sounds awful. I used to call mine little bugger and didn't think it was a bad word till my youngest repeated in the bank and sounded awful.

SwearyMcSwearySwear · 24/02/2020 20:07

‘I'm a bit shocked that an infant would be judged to the extent they wouldn't be invited on play dates confused As many pps have said, children can pick up bad language from anywhere. ’

If it was friends I knows and their kid started going through a phrase that’s one thing. But if it’s some 7 year old at school who my kids want to have over for a play and they swore they wouldn’t be back. I don’t want the hassle of telling someone else’s kid off for bad language.
And quite frankly I don’t want a kid who’s parents think it’s okay around either, would make me wonder why they can’t reign it in. My very WC family never swore In front of kids, the ones on our estate who did were the ‘rough’ families. It’s a myth that WC people are fine about their kids swearing.

Ginfordinner · 24/02/2020 20:08

As many pps have said, children can pick up bad language from anywhere

Yes they can. Obviously they pick it up at school, but where would a three year old pick it up other than from their parents or care providers?

SwearyMcSwearySwear · 24/02/2020 20:09

Kids do bear bad language all over but it’s different when it’s their parents - that almost gives them permission to do the same. YOU are their role model, not the older brother of some friend or the bloke on the bus...
And my kids didn’t hear proper swearing til yeah 2/3 from other kids - who knows the worst word kind of thing. They weren’t hearing other toddlers swearing.

Ohnoherewego62 · 24/02/2020 20:13

@Las20, I haven't laughed as hard in ages!!! Thank you 😂

PotteringAlong · 24/02/2020 20:14

I'm a bit shocked that an infant would be judged to the extent they wouldn't be invited on play dates

You’d better believe it. They would not be coming to my house if they are swearing. You might be fine with your children swearing but I am not.

SwearyMcSwearySwear · 24/02/2020 20:14

Upshot is if a 3 year old was swearing I wouldn’t blame him/her I would blame the parents and still wouldn’t have the kid round as I would judge the parents. And no, I do not want my kid picking up swearing at that age as it’s not usual, so the obvs thing is to not bother with that kid or family.
Plenty of other kids to hang out with who aren’t swearing. Toddlers NOT swearing is the norm.

Watermelontea · 24/02/2020 20:15

My eldest had been in the room (unknown to me) the other day when DH drips a glass and had no shoes on in the kitchen. I exclaimed ‘Jesus, Mr. Tea!’ and she popped her head around the corner and shouted ‘Jesus, Daddy!’ 🤦🏻‍♀️
I think it’s just a case of reiterating that you won’t tolerate bad language, and he will be given a time out/told off each time he does it.
However you’ll need to stop too so his language doesn’t get more colourful.

Chesntoots · 24/02/2020 20:16

My brother bought me a shopping bag with a
My nephew's first swear word was "feck". Yes, we are looking at you, Irish mummy!! Nobody said anything at the time and as far as I know he never said it again, but we did laugh as soon as he left the room.

They pick stuff up all the time. I would ignore at first and then chat about it being naughty if it continued.

MintyMabel · 24/02/2020 20:17

Stop swearing in front of him.

BiBiBirdie · 24/02/2020 20:17

When DS was about 3, his (stupid, annoying) cousin (who now has his own child and I'm considering getting my own back but probably won't) taught him arse. Apparently he didn't mean to. Yeah right.
DD knew it was naughty, even though we deliberately didn't make a big deal of it hoping he would stop.
In the end, every time he said it, I would very lightly tap his head. He hates being touched unnecessarily as he has Aspergers, so being tapped on the head was enough after a few times.
The same cousin also taught my DD the delightful "Bob the Builder, he's a jackass" along to the theme tune as she used to watch on repeat and he said it apparently as he was going mad watching it.
Tapping her head didn't work. So much so as she went for a trial at Catholic nursery and they didn't offer a place due to her singing it when they asked if anyone knew a song to sing. That was fun being told by the stern old woman who ran the place that she wasn't quite the type of child they were offering a place to that year.
And yes he is banned from staying over from my home since. She grew out of it from boredom after a while.
They're now 11 and 13 and not swearing anymore.

MintyMabel · 24/02/2020 20:19

You’d better believe it. They would not be coming to my house if they are swearing. You might be fine with your children swearing but I am not.

Agreed.

SwearyMcSwearySwear · 24/02/2020 20:20

As for how to deal with it:
Stop swearing in front of him
Correct him when he does
Tell him grown ups sometimes use words that he can’t - no discussion, no debate
Don’t make a big deal of it
Stop swearing in front of him

Reginabambina · 24/02/2020 20:20

Honestly, I struggle to get worked up about this. I don’t really see the big deal. So long as your children know that it’s not appropriate in a professional environment (or school) and that some (lower middle class) people will judge them then it’s fine.

CaptainCaveMum · 24/02/2020 20:21

@bluebellcafe has it spot on. You and your DH need to grow up, control your mouths and parent your poor toddler. Otherwise you will end up with a lonely friendless child who is never invited anywhere twice.

SwearyMcSwearySwear · 24/02/2020 20:27

’that some (lower middle class) people will judge them then it’s fine.‘

Well this WC person will judge parents who think it’s fine to let a toddler swear at home.

LuckyLickitung · 24/02/2020 20:51

It's best to refrain from swearing in front of young children especially as routine speech.

Mine are primary age and are aware of the existance of swear words (usually expressed at a particularly nasty junction with two way merge where you have to simultaneously drive at 50 and 25mph to meet the flow of traffic). I've explained swear words as strong words that express strong feelings, and lose their impact the more they are used. I've not heard my DCs repeat them and fortunately when DS1 has a meltdown and goes into an insulting rant, he still comes out with simple lavatorial words like "stinky poo head". If he ever drops his mask and blows like that at school, I'd rather he sticks with that than a load of expletives!

In yR (age 4-5), DS came home and asked what "cunt" meant. Definitely not in the family verbal vocabulary! I did send a "just so you're aware" message to his teacher as I thought she'd be interested to know if he had picked it up in school.

I've taught sweary teenagers where everything is fuck, and they have have no diversity of vocabulary to express anything with subtlety. Breaking a pencil lead is fuck. Smashing a phone is fuck. It's not good for emotional expression, and it can get you into a lot of bother from teachers and employers.

A young child randomly blurting out something sweary that they overheard is one thing, but you really don't want it to be their regular vocabulary, and it is most likely to become their normal if parents swear liberally all the time. Anyway, it's good to have a multitude of insults and expressions avaliable and save a good theraputic swear for when you really mean it Grin

Lawratalulabel · 24/02/2020 21:15

Just think that this is something kids do. My friend was driving with my daughter in the back and called someone a stupid cow... that was my little one’s favourite phrase for a few days. And to be fair I think nursery has probably heard it all. Nursery workers have more safeguarding and child protection issues to worry about. If your little was acting out an aggressive sweary fight that would be different.

P.S let’s be kind, yeah? How many judgey mcjudgepants does it take to discourage people from getting advice? Probably half a one.