To ask how you'd deal with a sweary infant?

[MargotsBumpyNight]

I'm from the unfortunate Malcolm Tucker school of Scottishness.
Husband is no better. I see him reaching for acceptable words for the children, brow furrowing in concentration, a split second before he calls them 'buggers'.

We know we are neither big nor clever.

Our reward for our verbal indiscretion is our 3 year old has recently taken to exclaiming 'BLOODY HELL' in the last few weeks.

Now I'm not particularly offended by swear words, but I know others are and this would not be appropriate, for example, while struggling with the play dough sausages in nursery.

I've told DS that those are grown up words and should only be used at home. He seems to be accepting this. Obviously if he was using swear words in a different way, calling people names, I would handle this differently and it definitely wouldn't be Ron Weasley cute.

I suppose I'm wondering what the general MN consensus is on swearing and appropriate language?

Just don’t make a big deal out of it. I’ve never censored myself infront of mine and they’ve never sworn. They know there are words that adults say, just like there are some drinks in the house that are only for adults etc. Mine actually tell me off for swearing. It’s like living in a fucking nunnery.

My dc have suddenly started to swear. They are 9 and 11. It happened almost overnight. DH and I never swear in front of them so we are still trying to work out where it has come from. Probably the playground. IT's at tricky one. We don't tell them off, but tell them that people find that kind of language rude. Hopefully it's just a phase. But interesting from a language context as a lot of swear words are derived from the anglo-saxon.

When I was childminding I advised a Mum to ignore her son's swearing, as I was sure it would stop. After three months, I said to him "I don't want you saying that word, it isn't very nice." He said "Alright 81" and didn't say it again!

DS (just before 5th birthday) dropped a piece of carrot under the table from his plate at PIL and said 'Oh cock!'

MIL looked straight at DH -it is one of his expressions. He told DS it isn't a polite thing to say and DS, predictably, said 'You say it Daddy.'
At that DD (almost 3) said 'Cock, cock, cock a doogle doog'.
DH has tried very hard to stop saying it. We both swear in quite an absent-minded, non-aggressive way as a matter of course- never directed abusively at or about anyone- and have had to stop that in front of DC.

Dd says “go to bloody sleep” to herself after I once muttered it walking up the stairs. Of course with her toddler bat hearing she heard me

I did laugh (bad parenting alert!) because I think it shocked me! But I explained it was only a word grown ups can use and she mustn’t say it till she’s much bigger. She hasn’t said it since. Probably waiting until Granny puts her to bed for maximum impact.

When my DC went through a stage of thinking swear words were hilarious 🙄 I copied a tip from a parenting book that worked really, freakishly, unexpectedly well.

When they say a swear word, you look unimpressed but say, "I don't like you using that word. But I'd absolutely HATE to hear you using the word Hocus-potplant-banana-head" - or whatever, you make up a nonsense pretend "naughty" word there.

Repeat it every time, using the same made-up "naughty" word. If they say it (which they will), you give a hugely rewarding "fake furious" reaction. Soon they're falling over themselves to accidentally say the made-up naughty word, and they lose all interest in the other words.

I know it sounds random but honestly, it worked like a charm. Now mine are teenagers and they never swear (except to their friends when they're playing on their computer games in their rooms 🙄.)

Stop swearing. DS started swearing at about 7/8. Picked up at school - lovely leafy cofe numbed.

DH sat him down and pulled out the Oxford English dictionary. He made him copy out the definitions and learn the spellings so he knew what the swear words meant. Funnily enough the one he avoided was "bugger".

Backfired when ds was about 11 used the F word, was admonished and retorted "honestly mummy, it's only Anglo Saxon for copulation".

Friend of mine sent her three darlings to a v expensive pre-prep and swore (sorry) the only difference in their achievement was that thwy said "fack orf" rather than fuck off.

Children eh, who'd have em :)

oy you that's my farkling mummy your farkling beeping at

I love that your 5yo took the adult men to task, Ej

It is really sad that you and your husband set such a poor example to your children. I would be embarrassed to admit to this.
Time you two got your act together.

Shes now 17 and will still take adult men to task I honestly don't know where she gets it from her father says it's all me but I'm not too sure lol

Yes on mumsnet everyone falls over themselves to say how cool and sweary they are.

Whilst in real life, most people will judge your family as being rough as. Which might not bother you but will probably limit your kids socially.

I must have read the same advice @AnuvvaMuvva, I did the same

Afraid to say you have to stop swearing

From experience sweary parents produce foul mouth kids

I wish I had known....

Agree with the fake words. DH and I internalised this to such an extent that we stopped swearing altogether (we both work in places where it’s not acceptable) and didn’t really miss it. Now DCs have left home we joked about feeling wicked and started sometimes swearing at home again and have to remember to police ourselves when they come back!

I find it very hard not to swear myself.

Are you a teenager? Do you not work? Are you never in situations where swearing is just inappropriate?

It doesn’t bother me if it’s used in the correct context

Same here. I don’t find swearing offensive, just inappropriate and unnecessary most of the time. People who can’t stop swearing must have a lack of social awareness and need to grow up. DD swears, but she is 19 and knows when it is and isn’t appropriate because she has a basic understanding of social etiquette.

Unless you have Tourette’s it isn’t difficult to not swear. Really it isn’t

Haha that's so cute! I'd just ignore it tbh - hell probably stop soon enough if you don't react to it.

Lots of pearl clutching on this thread!

@Ginfrodinner

Way to go insulting anyone with Tourette Syndrome

Stunned at the people on here who think it’s fine for young kids or any child to be swearing! That’s MN all over I suppose.
We have some ‘cool’ MC friends who are desperate to not be MC ( but that’s another story) and thought they were being alternative by letting kid swear. They had a rude awakening first year of school, they were spoken to virtually every day all through Reception about their kid - swearing a big part of that and they suddenly had to crack down after years of not bothering. They had a miserable first year.
Turns out primary school teachers don’t care if the swearing is in the ‘right context’ or not and nor do most of the other parents.

Just don't swear in front of your kids

Its not that hard. I'm terrible for using foul language but i can hold back around the DC.

swearing happens. We try not to make a big deal of it, but also tell them not to say it (TBH, works better once of bribable age, even if bribes aren't involved)

On the fake swearing though - we made up one for DS1 - only to have him come home indignant at about age 7 telling us that he'd been kept in at break for calling someone it (I forget what - something like a grumbly-peg).

Bloody hell isn't really proper swearing IMO anyway. I'm afraid I'd struggle to keep a straight face at that one! Given kids can pick up and parrot stuff they hear from any source, I think bloody hell is entirely the mild end of the spectrum My nephew declared 'Oh for fuck's sake' when his puzzle broke, and no one is quite sure where he got it from A few years later and he's not running around effing and blinding so I wouldn't worry. The fact you worry about it means your child won't be one of those kids.

I'm a weegie we swear infont of the kids bloody shit fecking not fucking bitch cock wanker or cunt it's fairly common place here. We teach them its adult words like alcohol or staying up late is gor adults. Never had much of a problem apart from ds2 saying OH MY GOD lots we distracted him by coming up with alternatives like oh my chocolate cake oh my numb bum (not much better tbh) funny stuff.

Our oldest is 13 and knows when it is appropriate to swear like with her friends (not that she would tell us) when it's not and that oh bloody hell and you little cunt bitch are completely different which not to use, we have made it clear that swearing at people is not smart or acceptable. It's possible to be a great parent without being perfect.

I honestly don't get the big deal about swearing sometimes my swearing is quite funny and clever 😜

’Mitzicoco you have taken my comment completely the wrong way. People with Tourette’s can’t help swearing. People who don’t have Tourette’s can

I love a good swear occasionally but in front of the kids I turn into some mad, spluttering crazed woman muttering made up words. It can be done...

I tried really hard not to swear in front of DS as I hate hearing toddlers swear. A friend of mine did though and DS waited until we were on a crowded bus that stopped sharply before very loudly saying 'bollocks'.

The problem with swearing openly and letting children do it is that they often swear in situations where they shouldn't. I teach at high school and the words kids use as everyday vocabulary has changed. Twenty years ago shit/arse and milder words were not often used and I never really heard the big ones! Now I hear fuck and cunt every day (not aimed at me but in earshot).
Some kids even swear in gcse English exams ...