To take my kids out of school 15 mins early once a week?

[AnabelleClarabelle]

I have primary age DC at separate schools (not through choice).

Dc1’s school finishes later on one day due to off site swimming and p.e. This means they need collecting 15 mins after other DC on that day and the schools are 20 mins apart (we are rural).

Younger DC school has no parent on site parking, just a staff car park. I have a 7-10 min walk from their school to my car.

I spoke to the office lady in the summer and she said she ‘couldn’t see a problem’ with me driving up to the staff car park one day a week to enable me to only be 5 mins late for DC1.

The school business manager has just come and told me the car park is no parking for parents etc. Explained situation and she huffily said she would check with office lady but that she ‘didn’t believe that to be the case’ - implying I’m lying?

I’m now feeling anxious about the whole thing.

I have no one who can collect Dc1 on that day so my only other option if I can’t park on site is to collect younger DC 15 mins early on that day so I can get to Dc1 on time.

So WIBU to say I will be collecting th early once a week if they will no longer let me park in the staff car park that day?

You can walk home year 5 here but permission needed. A teacher won’t wait 15 minutes for a late pick up and the child would have to walk out the gates at home time.

How come you want the younger children’s school to solve the problem by either being disrupted or allowing you to park where you shouldn’t?

The other school is the one that’s causing the problem by changing their regular pick up time. I would complain to them about how difficult it is for you to accommodate their one day a week of finishing at the wrong time. They should either make sure children are back at school for their regular time, or they should be willing to allow your ds to wait in the school grounds until after you have picked up your other children.

It doesn't matter what the norm is at other schools re letting children out unsupervised. It is not the norm at the OP's (and it wouldn't be at any school round here, either). Bit problematic for a paid for ASC as well - what would the point be if you could just let DC roam the playground/park?

The walking home thing is irrelevant. The OP’s DC doesn’t walk home by himself.

it's relevant because a school that will let a DC walk home alone, will also allow them to leave school without being collected by an adult.
However, it sounds like OP's school would be happy with neither.

I'm guessing the answer is "no" but don't think this has been suggested already - is there an after school club (as in, an activity club like football/choir, not a childcare session) after school that either DS1 or the 3 younger DC could go to? This would at least partially solve the problem on the weeks the club was running.

Wait and see what the school say about the car park.

I sympathise, your school arrangements sound like a nightmare.

If they ask you to stop using the car park then meet with head to see if theres any way they can help.

Would a taxi for DC1 be too expensive, or is there no service where you are?

I've not RTFT but talk to both schools and see if they can help you come up with a solution. It's NC swimming so it will be until the end of the school year anyway. I work in a school office, and have come across many wacky juggling of kids in multiple schools. You can't be in two places at once so don't beat yourself up about it. If you need to take them out take them out. Put your request in email and mark it FAO the head teacher so the office staff will have to pass it on.

nails in fairness Dc1s school has always done this, we just didn’t know about it until after dc joined.

I'd be looking at a way to save £2 a day, as that is the expense in question.

Does DH take a sandwich to work or buy one? That's the money found instantly.

To those saying the office manager didn’t actually give permission the tone of the conversation very much implied it, she said ‘I can’t see a problem’ and ‘that should be fine’. I said ‘great, thank you very much’ - surely she should have said ‘ you need to speak to xxxx for permission’ at this point?!

But surely you can see why the school don’t want parents parking there? If they let one park there because of their special circumstances they will open the flood gates for others and it becomes a nightmare for them.

We are budgeted to the nth degree - no lunches or coffees bought, redid all bills this January etc etc

We save to allow dc to do a club each, just one.

No I cannot with ease magic up £15.

And even if I could after school club is full.

Just make an appointment to speak to the head. They should help you out. Why wouldn’t they? What are they going to do if you continue parking there? Why should your child have the disruption of missing the last 15 mins of class over a parking spot, once a week?!

FYI - there’s nothing wrong with being ‘that’ parent. ‘The Government’ don’t pay for schools, tax payers do... and that includes you and your husband.

That’s not how it works. If you want your child to be released before the school day has finished you have to ask.

The school aren't in a position to refuse to allow someone with parental responsibility to remove a child whether they've asked beforehand or not. I'd still talk to them beforehand because if they've agreed then it's less likely to cause an issue, but that's for practical reasons.

You might not be in a position to reciprocate with other parents, but I think it would still be worth asking if there's any of them that could help you out with DC1, either as a favour, or in exchange for something else.

If OP is able to provide something useful in exchange then just maaaaybe, but if she asks as a favour I can see the AIBU CF thread now.

It is not as simple as the op unilaterally deciding to take her child out of school early, the school have to agree to this.

nails in fairness Dc1s school has always done this, we just didn’t know about it until after dc joined.

Maybe, but then dc 2&3’s school have probably always finished at their usual time too, and always expected parents to park offsite and collect on time. This isn’t their problem. Out of the three parties involved, you and the two schools, your youngest children’s school has the least responsibility to worry about this, yet to seem to expect them to be the only ones to have the inconvenience.

I just know the staff would never feel comfortable leaving him there, especially as they would know it’s out of necessity not choice. It’s a small school, and he’s relatively new there

Staff wouldn't feel comfortable is different to staff wouldn't allow it.
They can't not allow him to be outside school property, after school hours with your permission.
It sounds like you wouldn't be comfortable with him waiting?

2 options:

1. Younger DC's school let you use car park. I really don't see the big deal with this. But just send a letter to Head Teacher asking permission and explaining circumstances.

1. You arrange with older DC school that he sits somewhere in school and waits the 20 mins. There will be other clubs running or office staff or certainly teachers around, so I think they need to accommodate you on this since it's their lateness which is causing the issue.

Above all, don't go in guns a blazing with either. Just ask politely and explain the difficult circumstances.

You might not be in a position to reciprocate with other parents, but I think it would still be worth asking if there's any of them that could help you out with DC1, either as a favour, or in exchange for something else.

This does sound like the best solution. Especially since this is only a problem until Easter, which is, what, 6 weeks away? If you can find 2 or 3 parents they'll only have to do it 2 or 3 times each. Surely you can offer emergency childcare or a day in the holidays to reciprocate?

I don’t think many parents would be happy with their 9 year old waiting on the side of a road where traffic is usually going 60mph+

Pick up dc from dh. Drive 20 minutes. Arrive 5 minutes late. If school aren’t happy waiting with him ask if dc1 can wait alone in the playground.

@MyDcAreMarvel I find it really interesting how much rules vary from school to school and wonder who and how these decisions are made. I assume location must come into it to some extent. Our school is a 2 min walk and involves no road crossings. From my house obv. Other children have longer walks and main roads to cross over.

Then they sit in their car? By the time they've actually got out of school and sorted it will only be for a few minutes.

So just do what you do every other day - get DH to pitch in.

Oh how lovely for you to live in a world where you can just make stuff happen. The OP has said that DH can't on that day of the week. It's not for us to judge whether that is valid or not. He may work in a different city on that day for all we know.

I wouldn’t want my nine year old waiting outside by himself. Many other parents would feel the same, and it’s okay if OP doesn’t want to do that. Either they accommodate her in the staff car park for 5 mins once a week, or they will have to release the child 15mins early once a week. They can’t force OP to pay for after school club and they can’t force her to leave her DC alone outside school. Leave the ball in their court. I suspect the head won’t have an issue, it sounds like a jobsworth stepping in where she doesn’t need to.

I don’t think many parents would be happy with their 9 year old waiting on the side of a road where traffic is usually going 60mph+

There's no pavement anywhere? Crazy place to have a school. So no one is able to walk to school?