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AIBU?

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Original poster

Money/Debt

82 replies

MrsBrentford · 23/02/2020 22:49

When I married OH 2years ago being had a lot of debt and we merged finances to pay this off which we have done (mainly).

I earn less but we have a joint account which everything goes in and out of and then we have the same amount of personal spending money.

We have got a few loans for some essential work that needed doing to the house and I bought a car. I have agreed to take in students pay for this, this is hard work for me as OH works away all week.

OH got a new credit card a few months ago and admitted he has been playing this fucking game on his phone and got £1500 into debt with it.

I was furious with him but he said he was going to pay it off with his “personal” money (the credit card).

He has then basically been using the joint account as his own account for nights out and large amounts this month (hundreds) have gone out via paypal which turns out is this game that he’s addicted to.

I have threatened to leave and divorce him He has deleted it (although made a big palava about this and leaving his “team”).

For me having a joint account is about trust and he has broken this, my wages aren’t safe (I earn 30k a year) and I am working my arse off with the students while he is flagrantly spending money like water on a fucking game.

I don’t really know where to go with this Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsBrentford · 23/02/2020 23:05

He’s gone for two weeks now and I don’t know wtf to do.

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 23/02/2020 23:08

Do you mean gone for work?

That game sounds terrible. But it sounds like there's a lot of debt generally from both of you too?

Original poster
MrsBrentford · 23/02/2020 23:10

No there’s not a lot of debt.

We have a couple of loans which we can afford.

OP posts:
fastliving · 24/02/2020 11:24

I would leave someone over gambling, how else can you spend that much on a game?
You guys could have had a lovely holiday for that money.

NeverTwerkNaked · 24/02/2020 18:49

I think you are in denial Op. You had lots of debt then managed to clear it and yet in no time at all you are taking out home improvement Loans and your DH has a new credit card debt. His gambling is obviously a major concern but so I would say is the habitual debt you are both accepting as somehow "normal"

Purpletigers · 24/02/2020 18:58

Keep your money separate? Both pay a set amount into a joint account to cover bills but no more .

Purpletigers · 24/02/2020 19:02

He sounds like he has a huge problem and may need help .

Thehop · 24/02/2020 19:02

This level of debt really isn’t normal.

Your dh is a gambling addict and will drag you further and further into debt.

I would close joint account and separate your finances whilst he gets help. Gamblers anonymous?

If he won’t, I would honestly leave him.

idontlike789 · 24/02/2020 19:11

Your right he has broken that trust .
He's run up a £1500 on games Hmm
He's shit with money , you don't have debt for things like that , a car home improvement loan but not silly games .

whiskeylullaby2 · 24/02/2020 19:18

I think you need to really separate your finances.

When you say game - do you mean a gambling site? Or a game where you can pay for extra coins etc. If it is the latter, is there anyway you can contact the company and see if you can claw any money back ?

mumto2teenagers · 24/02/2020 19:29

When you say game do you mean he has been gambling?

Was the debt you paid off his, yours or both?

It seems like it’s not just the amount he has spent on the game, but that he is using the joint account for other things. Nights out,etc. Could you open an account for bills and joint costs that you both transfer money into and then keep your own accounts for spending money. That way the bills are covered and you each have your own money to spend on what you choose.

BlueChangling · 24/02/2020 19:36

Speaking from experience I think the £1500 is only the tip of the iceberg and your husband has a gambling addiction

GinDrinker00 · 24/02/2020 19:40

What game? Or do you mean gambling?

MissConductUS · 24/02/2020 19:46

The games are designed to be highly addictive, like slot machines in casinos. That said, sensible people don't wager more than they can afford to lose.

I think you need to make sure he doesn't have any more open debts and get him to commit that this was a one off mistake, never to happen again.

When DH and I first got married we had a rule that neither of us would spend more than $200 without discussing it unless it was some type of emergency. We both lived fine with that.

Morgan12 · 24/02/2020 19:48

What game?
Is he buying stuff for a game?
Or is he gambling basically?

Jess827 · 24/02/2020 19:56

Jesus you're on 30k salary and he's been pissing away more than you're earning in a few weeks... On a game?

I'm sorry but unless he got himself out if the financial mess, and signed up to gamblers anon if it's a problem as opposed to a 1 off... Neither of your attitudes towards debt are normal!?
Most people don't have "a couple of loans"!

And it's not his personal money if it's credit card debt.

I would never stay married to someone who did this.

What's the point?

While you're working he's pissing away more than you're earning each hour. You may as well give up if you stay with someone who's willing to see you going out to work then spending more than you're earning.

Psychologika · 24/02/2020 20:06

On one level it's tricky as he's helped you pay off yours, however, I could not and would not be with someone who spunked 1.5k

Psychologika · 24/02/2020 20:08

Please tell me you don't have kids? I can't imagine him spending time and money on it?!

Original poster
MrsBrentford · 24/02/2020 20:10

It’s not gambling (I don’t think) it’s Hero Wars.

I don’t know very much about it.

I don’t think it’s unusual to have a loan (from my parents) for a car and a low interest loan to do some essential work to the house.

He does have (and takes medication for) MH issues.

That doesn’t excuse it though.

I feel really angry and disappointed today. It’s downright depressing.

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Original poster
MrsBrentford · 24/02/2020 20:11

We don’t have kids together and when we have his kids he wasn’t glued to his phone playing.

He lives away in the week and was playing it then.

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Psychologika · 24/02/2020 20:56

What do you want to do?

LIZS · 24/02/2020 21:01

Don't have kids with him, you already have one. Does he pay towards his dc, if so how? What ekse is he up to while working away.

Original poster
MrsBrentford · 24/02/2020 21:06

Yes he pays maintenance.

No he is not shagging around while away.

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PurpleTigerLove · 24/02/2020 21:07

He needs help if he is already taking medication for mh issues . If you love him then can you encourage him to talk to someone ? If you feel like you’re wasting your time then perhaps a temporary separation until he sorts himself out .

Separate accounts from now on with a joint household account for bills and loans would be my suggestion . He can’t spend what he doesn’t have.

Original poster
MrsBrentford · 24/02/2020 21:16

He hasn’t helped me pay off anything, he had a lot of debt.

I don’t know what to do really. I have two weeks before I see him again.

I want security and stability and this isn’t it.

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